Dealing with constant rejection

[connormo]

I am a 24 year old male who hasn't been with a girl in 2 years. Due to my work schedule and job, I have to rely primarily on online dating to meet people.

 

I have been ghosted on, rejected by, and flaked by probably a hundred women (who seemed interested) over the last 5 years. I'm losing hope in it.

 

As I was about to delete all my dating profiles 2 weeks ago, I met a 96% match woman on okcupid. We talked and Snapchatted online for two weeks and now when I am trying to meet her she is seeming distant and not responding (even though she asked me to meet just last weekend).

 

We talked about how bad online dating is and how bad it is for flaking, yet Most likely (from past experience) she is pulling the same ****. I just don't get it. We messaged back and forth nonstop and honestly I've never met someone (even my passed ex) with as much common interests.

 

I am a VERY niche and picky person with weird nerdy interests too so it's very hard for me to meet anyone who is like me. I think if she ghosts on me I am giving up on it. I can't deal with the rejection anymore.

 

Over the weekend I got very drunk at a party and was flirting with an attractive woman and we even got touchy (I think it was mutual but I was quite drunk so can't remember it well) so I proved to myself I still have some game there but I don't want hookups, I want something serious with someone just as weird as myself. Maybe I should try to message the girl from the party on Facebook to try to see if we have things in common?

 

Moving on, after years of continual disappointment and rejection, I think this is the last straw. It is becoming too hurtful and is honestly destroying my self esteem; I am not an overly sensitive dude but recently I broke down thinking about it. I feel like I'm just being messed with like I can go months without meeting someone compatible but then when I finally do I am just toyed with.

 

I know no woman owes me anything but I just wonder how people can deal with constant rejection. Some people were just meant to be single... I suppose maybe the quicker I accept it the better :/

Edited August 19, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[OatsAndHall]

Alright, here's my recipe for (pseudo) success with OLD:

 

 

1. Understand that it's a meat market and you need to include a couple CLOTHED full body pics and at least one selfie where you're smiling and showing teeth. You WILL NOT get responses if you don't include these. Yes, women will read your profile but you will not be able to compete with guys with these pics if you don't include them. I know a quite a few women who use OLD and this is their first filter... If you've got tats, show them off.

 

 

 

2. You profile needs to stand out; ditch the usual, drawn out, explanation of interests, life-styles, etc..etc..Remember, women are combing through dozens of these profiles so you need to catch their attention. Have some fun with your profile page; throw out some humor and sarcasm. Don't whine about OLD dating on your profile... I see that a lot and it's a turn-off. I read profiles where women claim to be fun and laid back but then jump into a "WOE-IS-ME" tirade about dating. Serious turn-off.

 

 

 

3. Your initial message needs to stand out as well. Send out a funny, appropriate quip,(NOT A PICK-UP LINE) versus a "Hello" or "HRU?".. Again, women are filtering through dozens of messages and yours needs to be attract their attention. If a woman really draws your attention, don't be afraid to send up a second message. BUT, this HAS to be funny. "So, you'd call be "pleasantly persistent" if I sent you a second message, right?" works for me.

 

 

 

4. Don't waste your time with weeks of messaging via OLD, text, or any social media app when a woman responds to your message. Chat with them for a little and then ask them out. Don't waste your time trying to "get to know someone" via text; it isn't going to happen. You need to meet up with them. Have a specific type of date in mind and a time and toss it out there. If they tell you they want to text longer, politely tap out. You're there to set up a date, not to meet a text-buddy.

 

 

 

5. Understand that a 25-30% response rate is GREAT. And, out of those 25-30% of women that respond, you'll land a date with a handful. So, build a thick skin if you're going to use OLD.

[d0nnivain]

It's not you it's the nature of OLD. Just get off OLD & do anything else to meet people. I get that you have a job that makes it difficult but as soon as you stop with the dating sites you will feel much better.

 

I never had problems meeting men IRL. I got on OLD & felt demoralized. It was rejection, after rejection on a daily basis. It was horrible so I stopped doing it & instantly felt better.

[smackie9]

I don't know of too many jobs that limit dating, so what is it you do?

[mortensorchid]

Guy, I am 43 about to be 44, and my hope is even dimmer than yours is.

 

YOu have to accept certain things in life, and those things are these:

 

1) Bad pool : The world in general is not full of very good people to begin with. The pools are bad, people are not willing to play ball for whatever reason, and it's just not right. Don't expect that the first person you meet, shows interest, or whatever else is The ONE for you. More than half the time, they're not.

 

2) Time : People show their true colors over time. The first impression is not always right, you will not know this person unless you spend some substantial time with them. The first 6-9 months you are with someone is infatuation, and that will wear off over time. And when it does, you better like that person that you are with. Not love them, just like them. And if you don't, you're in trouble.

 

3) Motivations : People have different motivations for doing the things they do, more than half the time you don't know what they are until you have spent some time with them. I've met tons of people who don't know what they want, say they want one thing but do another, let others pressure them into doing things they didn't want to, etc. And it's bad.

 

What's the answer? If I knew I would tell you the answer, but I don't have it to give you.

[Gretchen12]

Why did you chat for two weeks without meeting? I did OLD and the man would ask to meet up on his first or second message, meeting by the end of the week. If a guy doesn't ask to meet then he is not a prospect. I met 3 people this way and got into a relationship with one of them. If you ask to meet early on and she says no, then you move on.

[basil67]

I am a VERY niche and picky person with weird nerdy interests too so it's very hard for me to meet anyone who is like me. I think if she ghosts on me I am giving up on it. I can't deal with the rejection anymore.

 

You need to give your self esteem a good talking to. Remind it that you're single not because nobody wants you, but because you are restricting yourself to women who exist in a niche area.

 

Broadening who you're prepared to date may make a world of difference to your success. My husband and I have very few hobbies/interests in common, yet we have been together for over 25 years. It's simply about being interested in the other person and being able to connect on a level other than hobbies.

[Art_Critic]

Dealing with constant rejection

It's to prep you for when you get married

 

Try not to let rejection get to you, water off a ducks back.. it takes 2 for it to be a match so they are just letting you know you aren't a match...

I would imagine many women you would meet sooner or later you would feel you didn't match and if they didn't end it then you would have.

 

Now sure what niche person means but maybe you could change that some.. if it means clothes why not change them to more mainstream...

[gaius]

You seem primarily concerned with finding someone who's going to be into what you're into and validate everything you like which is an awful way to approach a relationship. Especially if what you like is niche stuff which is boring to everyone else.

 

You need to learn how to actually have something of value to offer these women. My fiance and I have a raw, hot sexual connection and we're pretty good at meeting in the middle as far as interests go, finding stuff we can both find interesting. She still doesn't know Captain Picards story or the history of Orgrimmar, and guess what, I'm ok with that.

Edited August 30, 2018 by gaius