Collective Problems in Love and Romance

[Mysterio]

When you look at your life. When you think about dating or actually maintaining a love relationship. Whats factors come to mind, when your on that journey.

 

For me. I feel like most women are attached. I am doing way too much leg work. I should really chill and let a woman find me. When I look at my male friends. Its the women that did the leg work for them and they are all happier for the most part for it. None of them met their current SO/Wives, when they were looking for love.

 

I don't think my problems is not asking enough. I am not letting the women come to me more.

 

When I am in it. Its great for the short time it happens.

 

So what your view?

[PRW]

Persueing is "feminine energy". It is a natural thing for women to do, it just isn't politically correct to say that.

 

It is the man's job to initiate the process, and then he has to stand back and let the woman respond, show interest, etc. The man still sets the dates, but watches for the woman to present him with the opportunity to do so.

 

So generally you are right, but you still have to be the one to start the ball rolling. The women aren't usually going to come to you "cold".

Edited August 20, 2018 by PRW

[GoodOnPaper]

I tend to think more about what my mentality should have been rather than about women will or won’t do. In general, I should have been much more patient with myself - it takes time to develop an independent life, social circles, experience etc. and instead I was hyper focused on bailing out of the sinking ship that was my singlehood.

 

Living intentionally is difficult and something I should have done a better job at. We all need to think about what we really want and stick to it even (especially) when it doesn’t coincide with conventional wisdom. Personally, deep down I wanted to find the one woman, if she existed, who would want me physically as intensely as if I was someone who could get ONSs whenever I wanted. Of course you are “supposed” to want the good, compatible long-term companion and that’s what I ended up with but it’s never filled that hole in my soul. It goes back to that lack of patience.

[alphamale]

women won't come to you until you have something to offer

[dream of me]

I think the biggest problem is that aloofness is considered cooler than vulnerability. Don't get me wrong, it can be charming, but it's a very passive approach.

 

I prefer to show how needy I am from the beginning. It's how my personality is. Sometimes I'm kinda going out of my way to scare'em a little bit. This can actually reveal who really likes you. The right person will be responsive. If not, no regrets or what-ifs.

[Chilli]

The thing is , there's no way to say or know who came to who or did what , because often it was probably just life that did it. Put them both there at that exact moment , even if she made the moves after that.

life seems to happen better when you don't try too hard,

Women find the same thing heard it a million times. When they least expected it !

 

Butttt, if it's the way your saying , then l have one example. One of my brothers has always just excepted some gf that comes his way , he's never really had love all his gf's have just been some weird miss match , a convenience , and now he's been in some love hate thing for 20yrs .

It's just another one.

 

You don't know how real it is for your friends, or whether they even really know the difference anyway, most people don't know the difference or they realize or find out 20yrs later and divorce .

 

Stumbling over love when you least expect yeah you bet , it happens everyday.

But there's a big difference between that and just going with something for convenience.

[Gretchen12]

What factors? Luck.

[guest569]

Getting into a relationship is exactly like going fishing. You get the right bait, you show up where the fish can be found, then you cast your bait and relax while waiting for a bite. Sit around, drink a beer, and basically enjoy life until you get that bite, then reel her in. When you catch her, decide whether or not she is a keeper or if you wanna just toss her back in the pond.

 

I love this.

If you just sit idly on the banks, don't expect the fish to jump out of the pond into your lap.

[alphamale]

Getting into a relationship is exactly like going fishing. You get the right bait, you show up where the fish can be found, then you cast your bait and relax while waiting for a bite. Sit around, drink a beer, and basically enjoy life until you get that bite, then reel her in. When you catch her, decide whether or not she is a keeper or if you wanna just toss her back in the pond.

 

well said enigma32

[Mysterio]

These are just my random thoughts.

 

Every week I am on here to vent, but get insight as well. It just seems to me that in Friendship I am more of a superstar. I still make friends at 47. Some of my other friends don't. Its just puzzling to me that a lot of women in real life seem attached. At the Gym/Work. Those are the two bases of where I am at most of the time. I also don't feel comfortable, always being in Asking for a Date mode as well. I think in the end. The woman I will be with Long term is coming out of the pool of women that like me. I can't control where/when its going to happen. Even when I come here and read the latest Soap Opera about dating and finding love. There is a pattern here. It feels like Men are having a very hard time finding one woman to settle down with, and they don't know what it is about themselves that is keeping them in this state of life. I just can't see for me that I need to keep blindly asking women out, when I don't even know their status. Going in Cold Turkey does not seem to work.

 

If I am in a social environment of real life. I don't know who is attached or not. Lots of women I have asked out. Told me they had a BF/Husband after the fact. So its not like they told me about their SO, when I talked to them the 4th time or so. No matter what the subject matter came up.

 

Last August. I asked our a woman from my gym, that works in a health food store. She was not rushed or doing anything, when I told her. She said yes. A couple of days later we went for lunch, next door. Within 10 minutes, I asked if she was married and she said yes. We are still aquainted. Why did she go out for lunch with me if she was married? I don't think she is the type to screw around.

 

A long time ago at work. I asked out a woman at work. She said yes. Then a couple of days later. She said that she had a BF.

 

Its that type of stuff that happens. Also. Just with me. The Pattern runs like this. In real life. Most women are attached. On-line. I have the advantage to meet a single woman. So I am confused a lot of the time. I have had women make the move on me. Yet its always when I am in a state of not caring about it.

 

So all of these shifting situations are my reality. I will conceed that I may have to make initial contact, but not to the point where I feel I have to do everything.

 

So with the women out there an on our board. You ladies can't make a move on us men? So the average man just has to blindly go out in real life. Ask any woman out, with out regard to their status?

 

When I put out the energy, there is a blockage of the woman being attached. When a woman that likes me in a romantic way. Thats when I am in a I don't care stat of mind. I can't see what a big change there is in me showing interest, vs not showing interest. Its like Disintrested Mysterio is more appealing than Interested Mysterio.

 

For me if a woman wants me to be interested in her. She is going to have to show me romantic interest in a obvious way. Playing Aloof does not work on me at all.

Edited August 21, 2018 by Mysterio

[PRW]

For me if a woman wants me to be interested in her. She is going to have to show me romantic interest in a obvious way. Playing Aloof does not work on me at all.

 

Correct, but the real thing to watch for is their immediate response when you propose a date to them (I never "ask" for dates, I "offer" them). It is the immediate response that you see before she has time to think about it. You want the response to be "happy & excited". If she acts uncomfortable or unsure of what she is going to say then it is a no-go. You actually want her to decline when you see this, otherwise you are going to find yourself in an uncomfortable awkward date unless she cancels on you or you cancel on her first. The last time this happened with me I canceled the date a few days later, although it would have been better to pull back and say "maybe another time" before she got around to saying "yes".

 

On the broader note, the ones that act uninterested need to be treated as if they are really uninterested. If you don't you will be fighting against that the entire time you are involved with them because they will do that the whole time. The ones who are interested, and know what they are doing, are secure and stable,...will show signs they are interested. It may be subtle, but it will be there.

 

So:

1. Offer dates (not "ask"). Offering is proactive and is a mindset that you have something of value to bring to the table. When you ask, it is submissive, and you imply that it is only they that have the value and you are trying to get a piece of it, if they would be so kind as to give you a little of their precious time.

 

2. Only offer dates to the ones that already show some interest.

 

3. Judge their response to your offer to know if you should proceed or retract the offer. The most powerful negotiating position is to be able to walk away and mean it.

Edited August 21, 2018 by PRW

[Mysterio]

I want to clairify something. The girl I asked out from the Gym. I just asked her out for Lunch. So I did not ask here out for a date and saying the word date at all.

 

I feel like stating its a date from the get go. Women seem to get nervous about it. When i ask out a woman. Its almost always a lunch thing. Once in ahwhile its a dinner. There is no sex really. Maybe a light hug and kiss and even then. The woman would have to be spectacular to get that from me.

 

You know the funny thing is that its not so much about looks. Its about who wants romantic attention at the time, how to go about it in an organic way, where both parties are into it.

 

It just always feels from my observation that the women are reluctant, but the guys are gung ho about it,

Edited August 21, 2018 by Mysterio

[PRW]

I want to clairify something. The girl I asked out from the Gym. I just asked her out for Lunch. So I did not ask here out for a date and saying the word date at all.

 

I feel like stating its a date from the get go. Women seem to get nervous about it. When i ask out a woman. Its almost always a lunch thing. Once in ahwhile its a dinner. There is no sex really. Maybe a light hug and kiss and even then.

 

That is the FriendZone formula. You want to get in the FriendZone,...that is how you do it.

 

1. State your intention from the beginning.

 

2. Nighttime "romantic" dates must happen right from the start while you are still somewhat of a stranger to her,...while there is still a little mystery about you,...she doesn't know everything about you at that point.

 

3. Kissing on the first date isn't a must, but it is cultural and is localized to the area you are in. Some women think you are gay or weak if you don't go for the kiss,...while others think you are over stepping a boundary if you do.

 

"Friends first, Lovers Later" is BS, nonsense. The truth is "Lovers First, Friends if it doesn't work". If you try to be friends first, then while you are busy "working on her" and trying to figure out the best time to "surprise" her by telling her how you really feel,...some stud comes along and takes her away and she's in bed with him by the 3rd date if not sooner.

Edited August 21, 2018 by PRW

[Mysterio]

Yet with what you have stated. Women don't have to go through all those hoops.

 

Women are looked at in a romantic context, 90 % of the time.

[PRW]

Yet with what you have stated. Women don't have to go through all those hoops.

 

Women are looked at in a romantic context, 90 % of the time.

Women go through their own hoops that (IMO) they needlessly subject themselves to.

 

 

Speaking in generalities (not to the OP directly) If men were secure, masculine, and more sure of themselves, they wouldn't have to go through all the hoops either because they would just do right things the naturally. But our screwed up society has produced so many insecure clueless feminized emasculated men who just don't have a clue what they are doing with women,...so you have to paint some lines on the road and tell them to drive between the lines. Could you imagine a Roman Legionnaire or a war veteran from WWII who ran toward the machine-gun fire with a war cry,...survive, then come home and hand-wring over "Does she love me, does she not? What do I do?!?!

[Chilli]

That's pretty damn generalizing right there and you can speak for yourself or for where you live and your society there.

Just because a few guys on the net can't seem to get things happening and do so much over analyzing .

Doesn't speak for the rest of us. and where we are and if you were to say that stuff to guys here l know, instead of typing it on a keyboard well , you'd better be a fast runner.

There's just as many women that can't get things happening all over the net talking all the same similar stuff too.

Have they been e'feminized , unsure of themselves , clueless, instead of hot italian goddess running towards machine guns.

 

Man , some people are just not so good at this stuff, or unlucky , or what effg ever, l know people like that.

 

ps , mysterio , you ask her if she's seeing anyone or married or whatever first man.

Some women can be very sneaky about this stuff you don't lay yourself on the line until you know that shyt first. simple.

Not a hope in hell l would l'm not taking some married or bf'd up chick to lunch.

 

l've had dozens of women over the years just ask me straight out , you married, got a gf, within a minute of meeting her.

Just ask her first man. She knows the game probably better than you , she's not gonna wilter up like some delicate flower.

Edited August 21, 2018 by Chilli

[SevenCity]

I want to clairify something. The girl I asked out from the Gym. I just asked her out for Lunch. So I did not ask here out for a date and saying the word date at all.

 

I feel like stating its a date from the get go. Women seem to get nervous about it. When i ask out a woman. Its almost always a lunch thing. Once in ahwhile its a dinner. There is no sex really. Maybe a light hug and kiss and even then. The woman would have to be spectacular to get that from me.

 

You know the funny thing is that its not so much about looks. Its about who wants romantic attention at the time, how to go about it in an organic way, where both parties are into it.

 

It just always feels from my observation that the women are reluctant, but the guys are gung ho about it,

 

As PRW stated, you have to increase your value.

 

I’ve never used the word “date” when asking a woman out. Yet they all knew what I was after.

 

It appears they are taking your offers as friendship outings. It’s only when they realize what it is (or lose interest) that they spill the beans on the SO (real or imagined).

 

The same principles used when making friends are exactly the opposite of what you should do when looking for a woman to date.

 

I’m your age and have not had a shortage of dates, sex, or women wanting to be my girlfriend. The trick is I don’t spend time on women with low interest and I’m clear about my intentions from the get go.

 

It may surprise you, but women are actually turned on when you are direct.....assuming they find you attractive enough to sleep with.

 

I agree women have a much easier time finding people to date. But you can only accept that, it will not change.

[PRW]

That's pretty damn generalizing right there

Yep, and I specifically said it was,... and made it clear I wasn't pointing it directly at the OP.

 

and you can speak for yourself or for where you live and your society there.

Not speaking "for" anyone. I'm just telling the truth.

 

...if you were to say that stuff to guys here l know, instead of typing it on a keyboard well , you'd better be a fast runner.

A threat?

 

There's just as many women that can't get things happening all over the net talking all the same similar stuff too.

Have they been e'feminized

Actually yes. Women have many problems that have been pushed onto them by society and pop culture. Yes, many have been masculated. So you have women acting like men and men acting like women. It is a screwed up mess.

 

 

Man , some people are just not so good at this stuff, or unlucky , or what effg ever, l know people like that.

Yep, that is right. Someone has to tell them where they are going wrong. If they don't want to listen and want to reject what some of us tell them,...then that is their choice. Notice my tag line on every message.

[Mysterio]

My Ex has the problem of men not wanting to have a child with her. Thats why after me. The five guys that she dated have fizzled out. We are still friends. She is pregnant now and I think its in vitro, although I don't have confirmation on that.

 

If she was with a guy. She would have told me/It should be on her Facebook page.

 

We are not with her, because she is not affectionate as much. Thats why we all are not with her having a child. Good for her to forge ahead with having a child. I don't want a child unless the woman and I are insynch with each other.

[AnnaHoll]

A man conquers a woman once, and then a woman protects the family hearth.

[Mysterio]

Here is how I look at dating and life. Online. Has the advantage of everybody being on the same page. All you have to do is accept each others physical attraction and groove with each others personality.

 

Real life is tricky because you don't know the status of anyone you meet when your on the run in life. If no one is wearing a ring. Then how can you tell if they are attached. I personally feel strange sollicting a woman where the status is in question.

 

So I see a woman that I am attracted to. In my mind. I want to develop some sort of Rapport with the woman first, and not go into a dating thing. Then after at least 4 times talking to them about topical subjects. I would have found out if they are attached or not. So if them if they are single. They now know that I may be interested in them romantically. I guess I feel like I want to be slicker than that. I want to only ask out women that are single in real life. Not the women that are attached.

 

Now everyone will think I am overthinking it, but I guess its not natural for me to be romantically bold. I feel like dating should be fun, not a military excersize.

 

I guess I could go back to Online dating, but I just feel its a waste of money.

[preraph]

Clearly enigma does a lot of fishing, and he's good at it, so you should take his advice. He has cracked the woman code.

[Mysterio]

I don't see one woman and say to myself thats the only one to focus on. I talk to who ever is around me.

 

My social environment is Work/YMCA/3 Tuesdays a month where I go to see bands. Thats where I am at most of the time.

 

My other male friends just basically had their women just drop in their lap. I do talk to a lot of people a week. I don't always try to be scoping out romantic prospects all the time. I find that when I am in a not caring to try to be out to date a woman. Thats when certain women find me romantically appaling. Never when I am straight to the point with them.

[Mysterio]

I just also wanted to state that, all the women are all over the place in looks. So its not like I am locked in one type of look for women. Some are a little Heavy/Lean.

 

Like I said on my last post. Its like I have to be in some sort of playful mode and not caring about the outcome, is where I thrive, when its going to happen, in terms of some sort of romantic connection with a woman.

[Mysterio]

I don't get really shot down. The woman is usually attached. Thats my problem. I don't know why its that way 90 % of the time.

 

In my head. Even if we go out. Its not like I am expecting a major love connection right away. Its getting to know someone. There is no trick to it. Its funny how certain things work out for some reason better than for others.

 

I feel like I am surrounded by some women that I may have a little bit of chemistry, but they are attached. Their men are just ok. I don't know if all the women were just single if they would just be itching to be with their current partners.

 

Some surprise me with the way they are. I guess. My male friends wives are more focused on them, and are not really sociable with other men, when we all go out. You won't catch them talking up a storm with men or trying to make new male friends.