Feeling alone and anxious.....

[vickyp]

Hi guys,

 

I have a situation here. Its abit embarrassing so be kind. Im pretty close with my family, so im always with them. All the time. In the last week or so, my mom has left for holidays, my nieces are busy being young teenage girls, and my sister lives out of town, and only visits on weekends. My question is why the hell do I feel so alone? its getting to the point that im having like panic attacks. Last week I was doing ok with the idea, but this weekend is when this panic started. I don't know if its because all weekend I was reading about and listening to understanding how crazy my ex was, and reliving the pain he caused me. Or because afterwards, I couldn't believe how I didn't see the signs of what a moron he was. I don't have many friends either, to " hang out with" and I do work in an office where I do talk to people, but its not helping with these feelings of loneliness My question is, what the hell is wrong with me?

[d0nnivain]

If you are having panic attacks seek medical help & learn to meditate. Both will help calm you.

[carhill]

In the past, what has been the longest continuous period you've been alone? Has being alone in the past ever been a problem for you or is this new?

 

Any other health changes?

 

Noting the adjectives you used regarding your ex, it sounds like you haven't processed out that attachment completely to a disinterested state. Is that right? How long since break-up?

 

This could be part of the grief process when ending a relationship and will pass. What's your past experience with that?

[vickyp]

In the past, what has been the longest continuous period you've been alone? Has being alone in the past ever been a problem for you or is this new?

 

Any other health changes?

 

Noting the adjectives you used regarding your ex, it sounds like you haven't processed out that attachment completely to a disinterested state. Is that right? How long since break-up?

 

This could be part of the grief process when ending a relationship and will pass. What's your past experience with that?

 

Ive never actually been alone. Im always had family around me. even if my sister comes and goes. I guess I knew she would always come back. no recent health changes. Maybe abit leaner. The relationship ended last may. So its been a long time. Never dated since then. Maybe it was because me and the ex would spend so much time together, or even on the phone all the time, that now that is stopped, and no one around its hitting me. I do not want to get back with my ex. That was the worst experience ive ever had. I guess by listening and reading on the weekend, it was like they were talking directly to me and how my situation was, and it really hit home. I don't know. But this isn't normal.

[glows]

What exactly are you reading and listening to this past week? Was it another thread on this forum and the replies you received? You don't have to take it all in and you're free to reject certain opinions if they're irrelevant to the way you think or feel or the situation.

 

I could be wrong but I'm also sensing that you've looked outward for validation of self-worth for a very long time and it's what contributed to the continued conversations with your ex (I have not read any of your previous threads if you have any prior to this one). Stop searching for outside validation of your identity and your self-worth. You need to find that from within you. The most surefire way to go about that is to rediscover yourself and become more intimately aware of all of YOUR likes and dislikes, your future(long and short term) goals and what kind of person you see yourself as. You seem to have a very poor vision or image of yourself and what you're about. I would suggest you try envisioning you and becoming that person and fulfilling your potential. You have unfinished business with yourself.

[preraph]

You may need to address the anxiety with a psychologist. But I will tell you this: You need to learn to be alone. The fact you never have been is making you anxious when you are. You cannot even develop as an individual until you have moved out away from family and are making your own decisions by yourself and making your own way and building self-esteem by accomplishing these routine things for yourself. I'd take it up with a psychologist, and then I would make it my goal to move out and get used to being with myself.

 

You may simply not be used to having too much time to think and so introspection is scaring you.

[BaileyB]

Clearly, you have too much time to think. And, you are allowing your thoughts to get the better of you... You need to learn how to redirect and control those thoughts.

 

It is very important that you learn to be alone. As children, we must learn how to self soothe when we go to bed, how to play by ourselves, and how to handle our own problems. Spending time alone allows you to better know yourself - it allows you to develop a sense of self, self confidence, and resiliency.

 

You also need to learn the skills of emotional self regulation, so that when you become anxious or upset, you know how to deal with those feelings such that you are able to cope.