this_guy93 Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 Hello everybody. This is my first time doing something like this, so bear with me. My wife and I got married this past September, so we’re coming up on our first year of marriage in just a few weeks! This first year of our marriage has been quite insane. There have been deaths on her side and mine, we moved out of our apartment and in with my parents for a short bit while we were in the process of buying our first home, and she quit her job and is currently in the process of getting her real estate license. We’ve had a few rough spots, but we both vowed to be there for each other for the rest of our lives which is why I’m here on these forums now. I’m going to do my best to be the best husband that I can possibly be. Anyway, my wife is between jobs right now. She finished the classes to get her real estate license, and she is on the schedule to take the exam next week! She even has a job lined up already! She’s been kind of a stay at home wife for the past 9 months. Lately one thing has been really starting to bother me… I can’t remember the last time I came home and she was wearing anything other than a t-shirt and sweatpants… To be honest, I kind of feel like an a**hole for complaining about this, but it’s really starting to affect my attraction to her… Even on my day off, I try to look my best for her. I shave, do my hair, wear nice clothes, but she’s really getting into this whole messy bun, sweatpants, no bra, no make-up, and a t-shirt. And look, I get it. Sometimes, I want to lounge around in shorts and a t-shirt and not care about anything. But this is an everyday look for her now. I kind of feel like she almost thinks, “Well, I’ve got him! No need to try anymore!” Even on the occasion that we do get dressed up and go out to dinner or something, the moment we get home, it’s all coming off and the sweatpants are going back on… And I mean the moment we walk through the door. I really think I need to talk to her about this. As I said, it’s really starting to affect my attraction to her. Lately, I find myself checking out other women A LOT more often than usual… And I don’t like that… My problem is, I’m very direct about things, and I don’t want to come off like an a**hole… I mean, I would never tell her, “Oh, I’ve been checking out other women more often lately! You need to kick it up a notch!” I can do better than that... But, if I keep putting this off, I know it’s going to really affect us. I know I might sound like a pig at this point but, I really do love her with all my heart. I’m just kind of scared about the direction things are going right now… Any advice on how to handle this? Or am I just being a pig? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 Buy her a nice comfy nightie, or take her shopping? No bra and no makeup is pretty standard for home wear, though. Why would you even want her to wear a bra around you, anyway? I'd think bare would be preferable, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 She will go back to wearing nicer clothes when she starts working again. That should be soon so try to keep biting your tongue. Nobody wants to get dressed in nice clothes to hang around the house. Link to post Share on other sites
cleo83 Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 I smile as i type this coz I am another newly married job seeking sweatpants wearing bun wearer and something that made me notice all this was how my husband went about dropping hints. 95% of the time i m in sweatpants and one day i saw his eyes light up and he was cooing about how awesome i looked. So take that route. U don't have to say anything about the sweatpants. Just give her the extra love and notice when she does dress up. If she s anything like me - she ll get the hint! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
noelle303 Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 But what should she wear to hang around the house? I am a woman who loves getting dressed up. But when I'm at home, I wear leggings or shorts in the summer and a t-shirt. And if I know that I'm not going to be going anywhere else that day, makeup comes right of. Do you really expect her to be wearing sexy outfits or negligees to hang around the house? I thought everyone agreed that that pretty much only happens in cheap tv shows and that the very idea is almost laughable in real life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 To me ripping off sweat pants is no different that tearing off a negligee.... It all looks good on the floor. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SunnyWeather Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 surprise her with some sexy Victoria's Secret lounge wear and/or pajamas Link to post Share on other sites
Author this_guy93 Posted August 20, 2018 Author Share Posted August 20, 2018 Ok, I never said that she needed to be in a sexy outfit just hanging out around the house... I just wouldn't mind if maybe 2 days a week she put real clothes on. Even just leggings and a t-shirt that isn't 2 sizes too big... It's too the point that she ALWAYS looks like she just rolled out of bed... The lack of a bra doesn't bother me. Like Elswyth, it's preferable. I guess I was more or less trying to convey the "just rolled out of bed" look... She has such a beautiful figure, and I want to see it! But, shes always in sweat pants and t-shirts that are 2 sizes too big... d0nnivain is probably right. I hope so anyway. cleo83, I do make it a point to be extra affectionate and give her a lot of compliments when she does dress nicer. Hopefully that makes some difference. I don't know... Maybe I am an a**hole... Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 It sounds like you both have had a difficult first year of marriage with deaths on both sides, my condolences, and your wife achieving her real estate license. This took her out of employment and studying at home for the last 9 months. You say that you are now eyeing other women who have on 'work' attire and spackle on their faces when you are out in public and work. Speaking for myself and other professional women I know personally, home is a place to be comfortable. Makeup, bras and hair in the face is not comfortable. Neither is dress/work attire. Your wife will be back to work in heels and fitted skirts with public friendly hair and makeup shortly OP. It's slightly concerning that you are looking over other women and don't find your wife sexually attractive inside of a year unless she is 'dressed up.' There are going to be lots of days of married life that both of you may not be camera ready. This does not bode well for the long haul. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SunnyWeather Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 Ok, I never said that she needed to be in a sexy outfit just hanging out around the house... I just wouldn't mind if maybe 2 days a week she put real clothes on. Even just leggings and a t-shirt that isn't 2 sizes too big... It's too the point that she ALWAYS looks like she just rolled out of bed... The lack of a bra doesn't bother me. Like Elswyth, it's preferable. I guess I was more or less trying to convey the "just rolled out of bed" look... She has such a beautiful figure, and I want to see it! But, shes always in sweat pants and t-shirts that are 2 sizes too big... I don't know... Maybe I am an a**hole... I wasn't suggesting a sexy negligee' or corsets and such (though those can be nice surprises some days ), just that there are some comfy and sexy lounge wear choices out there you could surprise her with... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 I also find your looking at other attractive women troubling. I think she can still feel comfortable wearing yoga pants and fit t-shirts at home. But I’m not sure how to get around the no makeup thing. It’s tiring if you have to wear makeup at home or just to do a quick errand. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 surprise her with some sexy Victoria's Secret lounge wear and/or pajamas Why? She's not going to wear them when she's home alone. Expecting her to change because he's coming home only happened in 1950s TV shows. Link to post Share on other sites
SunnyWeather Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 Why? She's not going to wear them when she's home alone. Expecting her to change because he's coming home only happened in 1950s TV shows. hahaha, that's funny. I guess you haven't seen what's available in the lounge wear/pajama section of nice lingerie stores. Trust me, there are better options than oversized, old sweat pants or yoga gear to wear around the house that are both comfortable, stylish, and sexy. But, hey, to each their own 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 (edited) hahaha, that's funny. I guess you haven't seen what's available in the lounge wear/pajama section of nice lingerie stores. Trust me, there are better options than oversized, old sweat pants or yoga gear to wear around the house that are both comfortable, stylish, and sexy. But, hey, to each their own I know what you mean SunnyWeather, so cute and cozy. However...OP does not like the 'just rolled out of bed look.' OP will correct but I think he is going for the more heels, makeup, business look. Good heavens, all of those women go home, take a shower and put on something...comfortable. Good luck to OP finding a woman he is lusting after in her 'ensemble' staying in that after she is home...lol. Anyway, the larger issue is that these two haven't been married a year and he is checking out other women and calling himself an a**hole. Edited August 20, 2018 by Timshel Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 Why? She's not going to wear them when she's home alone. Expecting her to change because he's coming home only happened in 1950s TV shows. Why does she need to wear unappealing clothing if she’s home alone? I can’t make my mind around it - is it a rebel strategy? I usually wear at home some kind of dress or slip, nothing too extravagant but looks good and feels good to have it on. I also like to wear makeup at home I know this is ‘too much’ for some but I don’t see the deal of spending extra 10 mins and looking great all day ...But for clothing what’s even the point of putting oversized stuff that fits bad? Can’t be comfort because that’s not even comfortable 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 Why does she need to wear unappealing clothing if she’s home alone? I can’t make my mind around it - is it a rebel strategy? I usually wear at home some kind of dress or slip, nothing too extravagant but looks good and feels good to have it on. I also like to wear makeup at home I know this is ‘too much’ for some but I don’t see the deal of spending extra 10 mins and looking great all day ...But for clothing what’s even the point of putting oversized stuff that fits bad? Can’t be comfort because that’s not even comfortable Haha, you probably belong to a very small number of women who ALWAYS wear makeup and wear a dress at home. The thing is, your ex explicitly said you didn't wear makeup and didn't dress nicely toward the end of your relationship. So the moral is, if a man is gonna complain about his SO's looks and check out other women, he's going to do it anyway even if his SO gets up much earlier every day so that she can be totally dressed up when he wakes up 2 Link to post Share on other sites
anduina Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 Is it her clothing or are you getting bored since your first year was loaded with drama? Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 Haha, you probably belong to a very small number of women who ALWAYS wear makeup and wear a dress at home. The thing is, your ex explicitly said you didn't wear makeup and didn't dress nicely toward the end of your relationship. So the moral is, if a man is gonna complain about his SO's looks and check out other women, he's going to do it anyway even if his SO gets up much earlier every day so that she can be totally dressed up when he wakes up LOL still baffled how he thought that when I never changed style (I’m boring with brands/clothes) and he hasn’t really seen me without makeup during the day Btw never got why people say you need to wake up MUCH early to put yourself together. It takes shower- 5-10 min, make up - 10 min tops, hair - brushing is 2min? and dress - 30 s (faster than pants + t shirt because is only one piece ) But true if someone will complain and / or cheat, he will do it anyway Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted August 21, 2018 Share Posted August 21, 2018 Sweatpants are evil, unacceptable frumpwear. There is no excuse for it. I refuse to wear them, purchase them, or live with someone who does. I solved the issue with my GFs a long time ago - I simply took them off my GF#2 and got rid of them. I replaced them with better stuff. If you want to be comfortable laying around the house, a nice robe is so much better. If a robe or similar isn't appropriate, then it is time to upgrade to jeans. You don't have to dress nicely, just jeans and a neat t-shirt will do...and that takes the same amount of effort as sweatpants. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted August 21, 2018 Share Posted August 21, 2018 Um like what the hell. Are you really in love with your wife or how she looks? Sorry but would you like some cheese to go with that whine of yours. If this is the only thing you have to complain about be happy and get over it. Life is to short to get hung up on thing that don’t matter. As far as you checking out other women, that is completely on you and you alone. Your wife’s dressing has nothing to do with you thinking of cheating on her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SJS Posted August 21, 2018 Share Posted August 21, 2018 OP, I can empathize with you. Dressing like a slob all day every day would make me feel like I'm sick all the time. Even getting dressed in jeans makes me feel more put together. And I certainly don't like it when my husband wears the same holey shorts and ripped up shirt on the weekends, it feels like he can't be bothered to make an effort. I get it if he's working on a car or mowing the yard, but just lounging around the entire weekend? No. Wish I had some other advice, but I don't think you're a cheating pig like some are making you out to be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted August 21, 2018 Share Posted August 21, 2018 I guess I am in the minority here. Other than an ancient pair of Victoria Secret Sweats with stars on the butt (which my husband hates), I do not own sweats. But bigger than the sweat thing, I think it is very odd when a women does not wear a bra or at least one of those bra top tank tops. I see it as a sign of depression. I'm not talking about sleeping or the odd, I don't give a crap night, I mean regular wear. It is just bad. Unless of course she has a small chest and it looks cute of course. That is totally different. any chance your wife is depressed? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted August 21, 2018 Share Posted August 21, 2018 Lol, I let my titties sway around sans bra very often. I'm not depressed, I'm just over what I'm "supposed" to do, societally-speaking. I'm out of f***s to give! No other human should care about my boobs' support or lack thereof. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted August 21, 2018 Share Posted August 21, 2018 I hate When women only dress like crap & then complain they feel like crap & their husband’s no longer show them attention! I hate to say this but if she’s already doing this, you’re going to have a tough road. I’ve seen it too many times, especially in the schools. I’m sorry but more women have excuses to look like a truck hit them then men. Some women is going to throw in kids & a job, had both & still never felt the need to just look like crap all day, everyday. Then if you say anything as a man, you’ll be torn apart for being shallow even though you fell in love with a woman that didn’t look like that all the time. Have a talk with her. Bc if your attraction is starting to be affected...it’s not going to get better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 21, 2018 Share Posted August 21, 2018 I don't own sweats either. I love lounging outfits and they aren't that expensive and are cute and comfortable. A bath and throw one on with a swipe of lip gloss is cute and comfy. My husband loves it. Link to post Share on other sites
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