Buckeye11 Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 OK please bear with me it will be long but I need advice from the women. My girlfriend and I have been together 8 months I have met her 2 small children and love them like my own we had a wonderful relationship I bought a camper next to her family's campers everything was moving forward until my insecurities come out and she built up a wall I have got help and I feel no insecurity what so ever but by then her wall was up 6 weeks ago she text me said come get my stuff from her house she was done. I respected her wishes did so and started no contact. During no contact she contacted me 7 times once say she was sorry it had to be this way and wish she felt different the others was stuff about getting our things back. After no contact we agreed to meet up for drinks the moment I seen her we hugged and kissed we sat on the porch catching up we went out had few drinks come back had a deep conversation we did have sex that night I did stay the next evening I watched her youngest as she went get her oldest we hung out in played with the kids the following night we talked on phone for 3 hours she asked me come over I did I stayed That was the first night I stayed with the children there that morning the kids come in seen me yelled my name jumped on me she said are you OK with him being here in the mornings the both yelled yes. From then on it got the cold treatment all weekend I could tell in my gut something not right then I got the text I need time to think. I got her on the phone she said she needs time to think about if she really wants to give us another try Please ladies you're thoughts Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buckeye11 Posted August 20, 2018 Author Share Posted August 20, 2018 Please need advice Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 First of all NC is not some finite period during which you don't talk. It's forever. You disconnect on all platforms never to look back again. If you want reconciliation, that requires the couple work together to overcome their issues. You have only known her 8 months. While that is not insubstantial, it's a drop in the bucket when you are talking about kids. I don't understand when you say you bought a camper next to her family's camper. Is this a vacation spot or are you neighbors? If you are neighbors, unless you two reconcile, you are going to need to move. The last thing you need is to see the comings & goings of the new men in her life. Your presence will also confuse the kids. For everyone's sake you need to dial back your attachment to them. 8 months dating for you to say you love them like your own strikes me as too much waaaaayyyyy too fast for kids. Anyway to the main point -- what exactly did you do during this period of insecurity that you are now allegedly over having gotten help? It might be something she can never un-see. Certain actions by a man can make him seem less like a man in some women's eyes & assure that she will never love him the same way again. For some silly women that can be as trivial as wearing pink or drinking white wine. It doesn't really matter because if she's telling you that she can't get passed whatever it is you did while you exhibiting insecurity, you need to believe her. For example if you snooped, some women may no longer trust you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 I'll echo d0nnivain's question - what happened that triggered your insecurity? How did you react? When you say you have gotten help, what does that entail? It sounds like she's obviously still attracted to you but is seriously doubting your long-term compatibility, and realizes she probably shouldn't have slept with you and had you around the kids when you are still broken up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buckeye11 Posted August 20, 2018 Author Share Posted August 20, 2018 Camper is vacation spot Help was counseling I was insecure about one of her exs and one of her guy friends Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 Camper is vacation spot Help was counseling I was insecure about one of her exs and one of her guy friends Can you elaborate on this? What did you say or do? We need more details. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buckeye11 Posted August 20, 2018 Author Share Posted August 20, 2018 I was or did have issues her texting her guy friend every day and other issue is had was she wanted us to hang out with her ex bf Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 I was or did have issues her texting her guy friend every day and other issue is had was she wanted us to hang out with her ex bf OP, please be more precise. When you use vague terms, it's hard for us to understand what exactly happened and where her mind might be right now. "Having an issue" is too general, and could mean many different things. What was your specific reaction to her texting her guy friend, and to her wanting to hang out with her ex? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buckeye11 Posted August 20, 2018 Author Share Posted August 20, 2018 My reply to her texting everyday was why do you feel the need to talk to him every day she said he is my best friend since school I was like it makes me uncomfortable this went on for a month or more Her ex I stated in don't want to hang around a guy you have slept with she felt that was silly I tried to get her to understand my side but she was not having it so I told her I would but it never happened this went on all early summer Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 My reply to her texting everyday was why do you feel the need to talk to him every day she said he is my best friend since school I was like it makes me uncomfortable this went on for a month or more Her ex I stated in don't want to hang around a guy you have slept with she felt that was silly I tried to get her to understand my side but she was not having it so I told her I would but it never happened this went on all early summer Ok, thank you. It's helpful to read the details. If the man in the first scenario was truly her best friend, and there was nothing inappropriate about their friendship, then you likely overreacted. I personally don't have a problem with opposite-sex friendships, as long as appropriate boundaries are in place and the relationship isn't compromised in some way. Her expecting you to want to hang out with an ex is a little odd, I agree. How recent of an ex was this? If it were a fling from, say, highschool, I probably would have let it drop. If he was more significant in her life than that, and not so far in the past, I can see why you didn't love this idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buckeye11 Posted August 20, 2018 Author Share Posted August 20, 2018 The friend I did over react I take and took full responsibility for that. The ex was 10 years ago they lived together for 4 years he is 15 years older then her Me 44 her 43 figure I should put our ages we are meeting tomorrow night to talk Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 Did you ever think maybe you weren't so much insecure as appropriately concerned about her inappropriate behavior? A women who is texting a male "friend" on a daily basis & still in routine contact with her EX may not be the most faithful of GFs. She seems to need a lot of male attention --you, this friend & her EX. If the EX is the baby daddy that is somewhat understandable; they have to collaborate for the good of the kids. She broke up with you because you were calling her on the behavior you didn't like. What are you going to talk about when you meet tomorrow? It sounds like you dodged a bullet. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buckeye11 Posted August 20, 2018 Author Share Posted August 20, 2018 The ex of hers they don't speak often he just has a camper also at are vacation spot and apparently he comes over few times a year ( her family has had campers there for years) the friend I still have mixed signals but looking back we was together all the time she had no time imo to be un faithful We are going to talk about if she feels like she can get her full feelings back if we try to get back together Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 We are going to talk about if she feels like she can get her full feelings back if we try to get back together Good luck. This would all be too much drama & not nearly enough trustworthy behavior for my tastes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buckeye11 Posted August 20, 2018 Author Share Posted August 20, 2018 Thank you I am hopeful it goes well Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buckeye11 Posted August 21, 2018 Author Share Posted August 21, 2018 Any others care to share there opinions? Link to post Share on other sites
SpecialJ Posted August 21, 2018 Share Posted August 21, 2018 Yes. Her actions and words don't line up. That often reflects people having their own issues. If you've actually gotten help, changed, and worked out your issues, you should consider that she has not done the same. In which case, reconciliation is likely to end up going the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 22, 2018 Share Posted August 22, 2018 The ex of hers they don't speak often he just has a camper also at are vacation spot and apparently he comes over few times a year ( her family has had campers there for years) the friend I still have mixed signals but looking back we was together all the time she had no time imo to be un faithful We are going to talk about if she feels like she can get her full feelings back if we try to get back together I can only speak for myself and from my own experience, but when I have really lost feelings for a guy (and it's happened a couple times), they didn't come back. Something had usually changed to the point where the romantic attraction just wasn't there anymore, in terms of trying to make a relationship work again. I would keep your expectations low on this one, OP. Don't be playing happy families with her and playing with her kids right now, either - it's too confusing for them and for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts