Saw ex and messed up - he has gf so now what?

[Zahara]

If a guy is going to cheat, he’s going to cheat regardless of whether you’re an ex or not. If an opportunity presents itself and he’s the kind that doesn’t have an issue with cheating, he’ll take it. You’re not the only one he’s done this with so don’t think he somehow lost his moral compass and justified it just because you’re an ex. The man has been with his girlfriend for 11 years, hardly sees her and cannot commit. I’m sure he’s not faithfully sitting at home.

[anika99]

He fooled around with you because you called him up, made a trip to see him and then accepted his advances. Being an ex has nothing to do with this. Pretty sure if some woman he barely knows from work called him up, declared that she loved him, then made a trip to see him and accepted his sexual advances he would have fooled around with her too. This isn't about being an ex it's about opportunity.

[Miss Clavel]

My ex (who currently has a giflfriend) and I dated 25 years ago and during our 2.5 years together, he never said he loved me even though we had a great and intense relationship. He's very anti commitment and has had many relationships (prior and since me) of the same nature. I left him finally (23 years ago) thanks to meeting my ultimate husband who I was happily married to for 20 years. Of course, once I had met my husband back then, my ex sent me a letter professing his love (that he had never said) but it was too late - my husband was amazing and made me forget my ex. Throughout my entire marriage though, my ex and i stayed in touch and always caught up on our lives via email and messenger. I had 2 children with my husband and he had 2 more serious relationships (including the one he is in now) but he never married.

 

My husband sadly died 2 years ago. He had always wanted me to get closure with my ex for how he treated me so I reached out to him finally a few months back. My ex and I live a 4 hour drive away and I was to be in his town so we set a date to meet so I could talk with him and again, gain this closure I needed all these years later.

 

 

 

 

Thank you for reading this if you have and helping I appreciate all thoughts and advice

 

im curious about you children. where they are?

 

then, i wonder why you two cant' just carry on a tidy sweet affair. after all, he's not really married and all of you are senior citizens. what have you got to lose?'

 

see him, keep quiet, don't hurt his GF. he's already told you that's a deal breaker.

 

you gotta decide, is that enough for you? at this time in your life, a long drive and a lovely visit, follow by a nice long ride back to reality.

 

or, try to understand that how you're feeling right now, which is probabley, alive, you can get that feeling from many other ways, it doestn' have to be this one man.

 

if you get my drift. there is nothing wrong with you having other safe adventers

[Ronco]

For some reason, I believe he isn't out running to bars for women. not only his age but his lifestyle. Do we know for sure, of course not. I asked because many have said that men compartmentalize well and I sort of think he does put me in a bucket cause I'm an ex and he had me once, so why not again and again.

 

As for us being senior citizens lol, he is but I'm not yet! As I said, I plan to leave this one alone and have no interest in an affair. Yes, it would be unknown to his gf and based on their relationship and the way they have been for 12 years, I wonder if she'd even care but honestly, I have no reason to see him again. I got my closure and I'm done. Just found it interesting that he'd make that offer.

[Ronco]

Oh, and my children are older - one in college and one a senior in high school so I'm starting to move on and meet new men. Hoping to find one like my husband who was amazing

[Ronco]

For those who read my story and told me how foolish I was for my situation, I wanted to update. I was NC for 6 weeks after seeing my ex who has a gf and being with him after 23 years. It was like we had never left each other. We had talked it through on the phone a week after we were together, and after hashing it out, I went on with life for 6 weeks and absolutely NC (which was not easy...). As you all said, even though I had no plans to reach out or contact him again, he reached out via an email saying he missed me. I was back in his area a few days later and of course, we got together again. I was mad at myself. Felt foolish. But I have such a strong connection with him, it was hard not to fall back.

 

Anyways, I got home last week after being with him and we spoke the next day. He told me how messed up he is, as he could see a happy life with me but could never hurt his gf so is totally torn. I know he never will leave her, but I have to say, it was nice to finally hear him admit his feelings for me. I have no illusions that anything will come of this. Plan to not contact him again and although I know I messed up, I have to forgive myself and move on. I guess I'm finally seeing his selfish side and that side of him is becoming not all that appealing anymore. I read all of the posts about people in affairs with married men/women and how hard it is to leave the affair. I'm not even in a situation with anyone married, but it's tough. Personally, I have a few dates coming up in the next month and hope to meet someone who takes my mind off of him - I'm ready for that.

 

Thanks again for listening.