heartbroken and i don't know anymore

[FMW]

When things go bad with something that is really important to us it's not uncommon for the positive and happy elements to seem unreal, like it was all just imagined. I think it's part of the process of coming to terms with something very difficult, maybe part of the denial process - if it never existed in the first place then all the pain can't be real either.

 

To make your home space more comfortable get rid of (or at least put out of sight) anything that represents something meaningful to you about her and your relationship. Re-arrange things to focus on something that makes you feel happy or at least peaceful.

 

If ritual and metaphysical actions are important to you follow burning sage by burning Palo Santo. It's credited with not only clearing bad energy but bringing in new positive energy.

[MountainGirl111]

Here are some lyrics to a beautiful song about mending a broken heart. I don't agree with the line about "there's only one way to mend a broken heart"...but I do like to explore the other concepts the song introduces....gives me a lot to think about....there are actually "various" ways to mend a broken heart and I think each person has to find their own way. Everyone has opinions about it, though, it seems....

 

 

Take me to the breaking of a beautiful dawn

Take me to the place where we came from

Take me to the end so I can see the start

There's only one way to mend a broken heart

 

Take me to the place where I don't feel so small

Take me where I don't need to stand so tall

Take me to the edge so I can fall apart

There's only one way to mend a broken heart

 

Take me where love isn't up for sale

Take me where our hearts are not so frail

Take me where the fire still owns its spark

There's only one way to mend a broken heart

 

Teach me how to see when I close my eyes

Teach me to forgive and to apologize

Show me how to love in the darkest dark

There's only one way to mend a broken heart

 

Take me where the angels are close on hand

Take me where the ocean meets the sky and the land

Show me to the wisdom of the evening star

There's only one way to mend a broken heart

 

Take me to the place where I feel no shame

Take me where courage doesn't need a name

Learning how to cry is the hardest part

There's only one way to mend a broken heart

 

Here's a link to the song to listen to if you want. It's awesome, IMO. The Wailin Jennys are into metaphysical concepts....

 

Edited September 22, 2018 by MountainGirl111

[questionmarks]

Hey guys.

I haven't posted on here in a while but i did read your replies and i'm thankful for every one of them (loved that song and i'm considering buying Palo Santo too)

I thought i'd update you though bc there's been a new development to my situation.

 

I have been doing really well to be fair. I could go a few days without having a breakdown, which was unimaginable before. I've cried every few days still, but i've become mostly numb towards the whole situation. I was focusing on university, even accepted this part time job.

Of course, it all went to **** on october 9th. Out of nowhere, my ex sent me a long-ass message, of course on a different social media platform so that she didnt have to read any of my messages that i sent her on messenger (yeah she still hasn't opened them..she's a coward) and that i had mentioned to you guys on here before.

 

In it, she just kept saying how much sorry she was and all that crap, and again tried to explain to me why she did what she did(imo it was completely unnecessarry, i feel like she had explained herself before already) and said she felt like 'it's been a long time and i deserve to know what's real' and then... are you ready to hear this? She told me she got together with that guy from work a month ago.

 

Why the **** did she think it was a good idea, why did she think i wanted to know that??? I've been doing so good, i havent even been checking her social media. I just didnt want to know any of that and could live happily for the rest of my life without knowing it.

I feel like she was feeling guilty for what she's done to me and only did this to "clear her conscience" but that is so ****ing cruel?? Who does that?

I just told her to go **** herself and ended the convo there, i have nothing left to say to her.

 

But needless to say, i have been getting progressively worse since it happened. It's like all the pain i was feeling, she topped of with an ultimate betrayal.

It couldnt get much worse than this. But i didnt want to know it. Now i keep seeing images of them, being together, in my head all day. I haven't stopped crying since i woke up.

It's so sad how some people think they can come in and out of your life whenever they please and do more damage than good.

 

And what i've come to realize is that, the hardest part of this wasn't getting out of that terrible withdrawal and depression that i've fallen into after she left, no. The worst part of it all is having to live with the reality of what happened, for the rest of your life.

Wear these scars, fully aware of them, and not be able to do anything about them. Like permanent damage. To the heart, to the soul.

 

Now that i'm doing bad again, i wonder how long it'll last before it starts getting better. I don't want to lose hope, but it's been hard lately.

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm sorry, OP.

 

Perhaps her new guy knows you've tried to get in touch with her and he wanted her to make it clear to you that she's with someone else now. Or, as you said, she could be feeling guilty and was attempting to clear her conscience.

 

Whatever the case may be, consider this your absolute closure. It does get better, and these scars will heal. You won't feel great for a little while, but as the shock wears off and you adjust, the sting will go away. With true time and space away from her, and with the understanding that this chapter is closed, you will mourn her less too.