Does she forgive me already?

[Nobita Nobi]

I'm a male just in case, lol.

 

So a month ago, I was talking to a lady friend. Apparently I said something that she didn't like and she got annoyed by it and grabbed My collar. She also made me stood up (I was sitting before she grabbed my collar). I was too scared and didn't know what to do but just explained things. The incident happened around 5 minutes or so.

 

I apologized to her the next day and she apologized to me as well.

 

But we haven't talked to each others that much after that. I still like to greet her everytime I meet her and she'd greet me back (I'm always the one who greets her first, and if I don't greet her, she won't greet me, lol).

 

What makes me little afraid to talk to her is that when I ask her boyfriend if she really forgives me or not, the boyfriend said "please, don't talk about him (me)". Me and her boyfriend are kind off in a same circle.

 

Although not too long ago, I dropped my book to the floor and didn't notice it and she told me about it.

 

So does she forgive me already? Should I start a conversation to her?

Edited August 21, 2018 by Nobita Nobi

[Lilly25]

Sure, I. Think talking a little small talk would be okay. Maybe avoid the territory that upset her last time of the incident though. Take it slow.

[preraph]

Don't know what you said, but all that aside, her boyfriend doesn't like you. Maybe you should just give them both a lot of space.

[Nobita Nobi]

Don't know what you said, but all that aside, her boyfriend doesn't like you. Maybe you should just give them both a lot of space.

 

Actually, it was her that said "please don't talk about him (me)"

 

But if you still stand with your statements, could he be lying when he said it to me that his girlfriend doesn't want to talk to me?

 

And if her boyfriend doesn't like me, would it have something to do with the issue I have with his girlfriend?

Edited August 21, 2018 by Nobita Nobi

[glows]

Why do you care so much what she thinks? Do you have a crush on her or something?

 

If you do, you're being a bit douchey and weird trying to get close to her. Leave them alone and stop worrying so much. It sounds like you're making a bigger and bigger fool of yourself. Try to hang out with people who don't grab you by the collar or physically accost you!

[preraph]

If he said she doesn't want to talk to you, it's more likely that he doesn't trust you to be just a friend. Guys know how guys are. And frankly, you are so upset about this, that I do not think you have only friend feelings for her either.

[Nobita Nobi]

Sure, I. Think talking a little small talk would be okay. Maybe avoid the territory that upset her last time of the incident though. Take it slow.

 

 

Thank you for your advice.

[Nobita Nobi]

Why do you care so much what she thinks? Do you have a crush on her or something?

 

If you do, you're being a bit douchey and weird trying to get close to her. Leave them alone and stop worrying so much. It sounds like you're making a bigger and bigger fool of yourself. Try to hang out with people who don't grab you by the collar or physically accost you!

 

Well tbh, I don't have a crush on her and the more I think about what you said, yes, I shouldn't think about this that much. Thank you.

[Nobita Nobi]

If he said she doesn't want to talk to you, it's more likely that he doesn't trust you to be just a friend. Guys know how guys are. And frankly, you are so upset about this, that I do not think you have only friend feelings for her either.

 

Lol I mean that her boyfriend said that she doesn't want to talk about me. I didn't ask him to talk to her.

 

But you right, I should give them both a lot of space. I just let it flow. If they are indeed my friends, naturally, we will just move on. Thank you very much.

[Nobita Nobi]

Well I don't know what's going on...

 

So she just texted me and apologized for grabbing me by a collar and she actually wasn't ready to fully forgive me a month ago but she is now. Apparently she only said "I forgive you" just because she didn't want to talk to me for long just in case she got angry again. This time she said she really mean it.

 

That's the good news.

 

Now this might just be me worrying too much but I feel little uncomfortable.

 

So she asked me if both her and I could talk this out together on a coffee shop. I asked her if her boyfriend/my friend knew about this and apparently she said "no, he doesn't need to know about this".

 

And when I asked why, she only said "I'd like to resolve our issues just between us together. It's our issues after all".

 

I haven't texted her back and I feel like I should let her boyfriend knows about this, especially considering me and him are kind off in a same circle.

 

Any suggestions?

[Ronni_W]

Should I start a conversation to her?

If you actually, truly want to know what, if anything, you actually did "wrong", then, yes, you do need to start a conversation with her - directly, and not through her boyfriend or anyone else.

 

What did she apologize to you for, the next day? (Why did she feel the need to apologize to you? ASK HER.)

You need to take your clue from that - because maybe you are not the actual person against whom her anger is directed - but maybe 'you' put yourself in the position of being the most convenient/"nice" person for people to scapegoat? (This part is about YOU, and how you position yourself in ALL your relationships; this part is not just with her.)

 

But, with her, specifically, you still also won't know until and unless you find the courage to ASK HER, specifically and directly.

 

What, specifically, does she have to forgive YOU about? You don't know what she thinks that you actually did "wrong", and you won't ever know until you

generate your own courage to ASK HER DIRECTLY.

 

Because, it's possible, and you have to consider, that it is just that you might just have triggered something within her that she needs to forgive about someone else - maybe her actual boyfriend, or one of her parents, or one of her siblings, or some OTHER friend or family member. So, you need to make sure that you yourself don't just keep setting-up yourself to be the scapegoat for other people's negatives. (Get what I mean?)

[Nobita Nobi]

If you actually, truly want to know what, if anything, you actually did "wrong", then, yes, you do need to start a conversation with her - directly, and not through her boyfriend or anyone else.

 

What did she apologize to you for, the next day? (Why did she feel the need to apologize to you? ASK HER.)

You need to take your clue from that - because maybe you are not the actual person against whom her anger is directed - but maybe 'you' put yourself in the position of being the most convenient/"nice" person for people to scapegoat? (This part is about YOU, and how you position yourself in ALL your relationships; this part is not just with her.)

 

But, with her, specifically, you still also won't know until and unless you find the courage to ASK HER, specifically and directly.

 

What, specifically, does she have to forgive YOU about? You don't know what she thinks that you actually did "wrong", and you won't ever know until you

generate your own courage to ASK HER DIRECTLY.

 

Because, it's possible, and you have to consider, that it is just that you might just have triggered something within her that she needs to forgive about someone else - maybe her actual boyfriend, or one of her parents, or one of her siblings, or some OTHER friend or family member. So, you need to make sure that you yourself don't just keep setting-up yourself to be the scapegoat for other people's negatives. (Get what I mean?)

 

Thank you in advance. Your post really made me think a lot about this.

 

I'd say her anger was indeed directed towards me. We were talking about Sports and she mentioned her idol when she was growing up. The Athlete for this sport was an amazing player but a controversional one.

 

I pointed that out and she grabbed me by collar (which I was just explained things and she kept being disagree until she released her grabbed 5 minutes later).

 

She did apologize to me for overreacting (in her words). Which I did apologize as well for being too stubborn to further explained the controversial side of this athlete.

 

But as I mentioned in my latest post, apparently she wasn't ready to fully forgive me and texted me a few hours ago that she is fully forgive me now. She wants to talk further about this and asks me to drink a cup of coffee with her in a Coffee shop. Apparently she doesn't let her boyfriend that she wants to talk with me. Just between me and her.

 

And I'm confused that she doesn't let her boyfriend (whom is one of my friends as well) know about this. I feel little uncomfortable.

 

So should I accept her invitation to drink a cup of coffee with her?

 

With her doesn't let her boyfriend know that she invites me to drink a cup of coffee, does it mean she want to talk about her boyfriend?

Edited August 24, 2018 by Nobita Nobi

[Ronni_W]

, does it mean she want to talk about her boyfriend?

NO!!! No, it definitely does not mean that she wants to talk about her boyfriend!!!

 

I am a HUGE sports fan, and particularly a fan of Ben Johnson and his coach, Charlie Francis. (But I'm still on the fence about Estaphan. . <lol>.)

So, I totally understand any negative reaction when it comes to all of that. .)

 

But your problem in your relationship with her has nothing to do with any of that.

 

YOU need to figure out what the problem is really about - what is it? YOU do know enough - or have the intuition enough - to know. Don't you?

 

What is the real problem here???

[Nobita Nobi]

NO!!! No, it definitely does not mean that she wants to talk about her boyfriend!!!

 

I am a HUGE sports fan, and particularly a fan of Ben Johnson and his coach, Charlie Francis. (But I'm still on the fence about Estaphan. . <lol>.)

So, I totally understand any negative reaction when it comes to all of that. .)

 

But your problem in your relationship with her has nothing to do with any of that.

 

YOU need to figure out what the problem is really about - what is it? YOU do know enough - or have the intuition enough - to know. Don't you?

 

What is the real problem here???

 

Lol I see, it's nice that you are a sport fan.

 

Well, I don't know why she doesn't let her boyfriend know that she wants to talk to me for a cup of coffee.....

 

......but I guess I should have accepted her invitations to drink a cup of cofee with her? She said she wants to talk further about this.

 

Well, thanks a lot to you. I'll accept her invititations to drink a cup of cofee with her and listen to what she wants to say first and apologize to her once again in person.

 

I'll let you all know once I meet her.

Edited August 24, 2018 by Nobita Nobi

[Ronni_W]

I'll accept her invititations to drink a cup of cofee with her and listen to what she wants to say first and apologize to her once again in person.

Well...sure.

But what are you gonna apologize to her for, when you don't know what she needs for you to actually apologize for? (How is your apology going to be sincere?)

[Nobita Nobi]

Well...sure.

But what are you gonna apologize to her for, when you don't know what she needs for you to actually apologize for? (How is your apology going to be sincere?)

 

Well I thought I have to apologize to her for the incident, but like I said, I have to listen to what she said first.

 

I regretted it for saying such an unnecessary thing and I should be careful with the words/statements that I want to say.

 

She is a good friend (as well as her boyfriend). She gave me a moral support when I broke up with someone and even said it once "if you need something, don't be shy to ask me. I'll do what I can to help you out".

[glows]

She's a manipulator with a temper, for crying outloud. I think you're needy and you feel guilty because in some way you think you owe her for what she did for you during a break up. Nothing justifies grabbing you by the collar or lashing out like the way she did. This chick needs serious help and do not meet her or talk to her anymore.

 

The fact that she doesn't give a flip what her boyfriend thinks or feels (your friend) is a major red flag and suggests she has something to hide. Her embarrassment and temper! Whoever this person is, your friend or not, she's shady and shady people belong in the garbage as in.....DUMP her.

[Nobita Nobi]

She's a manipulator with a temper, for crying outloud. I think you're needy and you feel guilty because in some way you think you owe her for what she did for you during a break up. Nothing justifies grabbing you by the collar or lashing out like the way she did. This chick needs serious help and do not meet her or talk to her anymore.

 

The fact that she doesn't give a flip what her boyfriend thinks or feels (your friend) is a major red flag and suggests she has something to hide. Her embarrassment and temper! Whoever this person is, your friend or not, she's shady and shady people belong in the garbage as in.....DUMP her.

 

I'm sorry that I didn't see your post after I said "OK" to meet her up.

 

I let her boyfriend knew that she wanted to meet me up in a coffee shop which he kinda saw it coming although he was surprised that she'd text me.

 

Apparently, they had a fight and haven't talked to each-others in a week (would rather not to talk about their problem). I did ask if she grabbed him by the collar just like she did to me and he said she didn't.

 

He did ask her on occassions if she really has forgived me or not which she always said "don't talk about him (me)". And he didn't mind it if I meet her up.

 

So I met her just two hours ago. She apologized again for overreacting and I said I have no grudge or hatred towards her. She said she should talked it out to me with a cool head instead grabbing me by the collar.

 

I also apologized for just kept pointing out the bad side of her idol growing up and she said she didn't want me to apologize again. She said it was all on her.

 

She admitted it that she was hurt when I said such an awful thing about her favorite idol when she was growing up. What made her hurt more was that apparently she quietly saw me as her little brother (we are on the same age, so I was surprised when I heard about this).

 

Despite she said she did say that she forgie me the day after the incident, she hadn't gotten over it, hence why she wouldn't greet me if I didn't greet her.

 

But she still wants me as her little brother and asks me if I could consider her as my big sister. I said "yes" and she thanked me.

 

Then she started to talk about the problem she is having with her boyfriend. The story are pretty much the same more or less. She said she was sorry and wanted to talk this out to her boyfriend which she hasn't gotten a responded. I only said that she should be patient. Her boyfriend would text her again once he calms himself which she agrees.

 

So that's it guys. I can't believe it that just a few days after I posted this thread, she wanted to talk this out. We are 100% cool with each-others now.

[glows]

I'd take her words with a pinch of salt and keep your distance from now on and limit your time with her. You say that things are cool but I don't buy it. Remember that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and free speech is about voicing your opinion and having that voice. A proposed "friend" who silences you violently even if in the heat of the moment is no friend at all and I would never stand for it.

 

No matter how heated or emotional, she should never have lashed out at you in that manner. Good for you for being honest with her bf and telling him yourself that you were meeting with her. Don't get involved with their relationship drama. She's a drama queen and needs to learn how to manage her emotions. She'll get nowhere in life if she doesn't learn to control them and will find it very difficult to understand why no one wants to be around her and why bosses don't like her or why coworkers don't trust her.

 

I think you needed closure on your part and I understand that. Now that you have it, be wary and wise. Good luck.

[Nobita Nobi]

I'd take her words with a pinch of salt and keep your distance from now on and limit your time with her. You say that things are cool but I don't buy it. Remember that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and free speech is about voicing your opinion and having that voice. A proposed "friend" who silences you violently even if in the heat of the moment is no friend at all and I would never stand for it.

 

No matter how heated or emotional, she should never have lashed out at you in that manner. Good for you for being honest with her bf and telling him yourself that you were meeting with her. Don't get involved with their relationship drama. She's a drama queen and needs to learn how to manage her emotions. She'll get nowhere in life if she doesn't learn to control them and will find it very difficult to understand why no one wants to be around her and why bosses don't like her or why coworkers don't trust her.

 

I think you needed closure on your part and I understand that. Now that you have it, be wary and wise. Good luck.

 

I understand where you are coming from. I know she wouldn't change so quickly and yes, I'll limit my time with her.

 

Actually she never unleashed her anger like the way she did to me (by grabbing me by the collar) hence why I was scared. I understand that if someone that you love/admire got insulted, you'd be pissed off but at the same time, I understand where you are coming from thay she should never have lashed out at me in that manner.

 

She did talk about it and she said she regretted it.

 

Yes, I was too confused why did she act like that. I understand the anger, but I did feel like there might be something. Her anger was indeed directed towards me, nothing more and nothing less.

 

Thank you for all the advices.