Popeye_Jones Posted August 21, 2018 Share Posted August 21, 2018 I have a very good friend who I met less than a year ago. We bonded instantly and have become very close. It's not a romantic relationship or anything, we are only friends. We love each other dearly. However, right now, a dark cloud hangs over our friendship. And it is her family. While it's nothing personal against me, they do not like our friendship one bit. They have questioned her about me on numerous occasions, and most recently, they actually staged something akin to an intervention to ask her to cut ties with me and cease any and all communication with me once and for all. They have even told her that once she does that, they will go and take out a restraining order against me on her behalf. I have given these people absolutely no reason whatsoever to be concerned. I am not causing her any sort of emotional distress or any problem that would justify them asking her to end our friendship. When she first mentioned this to me, my heart went up in my throat. Even with her telling me not to worry, I still had (and still have) a really bad feeling about this. I told her that I have never heard of such a thing in all my life. She told me that I had done absolutely nothing wrong at all and this was nothing but insecurity and extreme jealousy on their part. She could see the worry in my face and hear it in my voice and she told me to take a deep breath and relax because she was going to tell her family off. She said that they like to try and control what she does and this was just another example of that and they were not going to get their way on this. I asked her to tell me what she planned on telling them, and she said "I'll do you one better than that. I will send you a copy of the group text that I am sending to all of them letting them know that you are my friend and that is simply the way it is going to be". That made me feel a little better, but not a ton. I told her that I realize that she had been put in a tough situation where she was going to be disappointing someone, no mater what she did. And I told her to look at it this way. If she complied with their wishes and did away with our friendship just to get them off her back, then I would be utterly devastated. However, if she told them that our friendship is not ending, for them or for anyone else, then the worst that will happen is, they will be ticked off for a bit. They will buzz around like a bunch of bees who had their nest bumped into. And then they will move on. (Well, I hope so anyway) They may not like it, but they will come to the realization that their is not a thing they can do about it. She said that she agreed and that there was no way in the world that she was going to even entertain the idea of complying with their unreasonable demands. So, she sent them the group text. She told them that our friendship is just that. It's OUR friendship. It does not have a thing in the world to do with any of them in any way, shape, or form. She said that I was her friend, and that was the way it was going to be, and anyone who takes issue with that would do well to just get the hell over it. She told them quite a bit actually. About how they are all well aware of her depression, and losing me would only make it far worse. She told them that she knows that this stems from their jealousy and that they need to at least try and understand that every relationship is different. She asked me if I felt better now, and I said I did and I didn't. She asked why and I said because, while I believe her that she values our friendship and she loves me very much that at the end of the day, they are her family. They are blood, and I am not. I can't compete with them. Not that I am trying to compete with anyone. As much as she is irritated with them right now for trying to control her life and tell her who she can and can not know, they do have the ability to influence her, and that concerns me. She said that they were not happy about what she told them, but that was too bad. One of them even came to see her and tried to talk to her about it yet again. She stopped them in their tracks and told them that she had said her piece and there would be no further discussion in the matter. And anyone who tried to talk to her about it would only be wasting their time and energy. I feel very uneasy because, for one thing, there are MANY of them and only one of me. I am severely outnumbered. Plus, while I do think that this will eventually blow over and if nothing else, they will lose steam and move on to something else, they are not finished trying just yet. Her granddaughter (who seems to be the most jealous of me) actually posted something to her grandmother's (my friend) Facebook page. It said something like "come on Grammy, rethink this. We are your family. We know what's best for you". I found that hilarious because this same granddaughter will post the most inappropriate things to her grandmother's FB page and then pitch a screaming fit because her grandmother deletes them. Anyway, although she stood up to them and told them that this was simply how things were going to be, I can't help but be a little worried. For one thing, it is quiet unnerving to have this many people with a common goal of getting rid of you. Mob mentality has flared up big time. For another thing, they are her family, so even though she does not agree with them or like what they are doing, I have to be extremely careful of what I say about ANY of them, even ones that she is not close with. She has already jumped up and defended her son to me, even though I didn't say anything negative about him. She was quick to remind me that HE was her son and I was not. Although, that was more of a misunderstanding. She ended up apologizing to me and saying that it was her who misinterpreted what I had said. While our friendship is strong, at the same time, it does seem to have a lot working against it. I suppose time will tell. I apologize for the length. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 21, 2018 Share Posted August 21, 2018 I don't think "jealous" could possibly be the correct word. I have never heard of a jealous family, maybe a jealous sister or brother, sure. But none of this rings true. More like they are controlling and strict. Now, what is it they have against you that she's instead saying they're jealous? Is it a bias? Are you gay? Is it racial? Do you look gangy or pirately or what? You must know what it is. I'm sure she does. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popeye_Jones Posted August 21, 2018 Author Share Posted August 21, 2018 I don't think "jealous" could possibly be the correct word. I have never heard of a jealous family, maybe a jealous sister or brother, sure. But none of this rings true. More like they are controlling and strict. Now, what is it they have against you that she's instead saying they're jealous? Is it a bias? Are you gay? Is it racial? Do you look gangy or pirately or what? You must know what it is. I'm sure she does. Actually what you said may be more accurate. It's more like they are controlling and strict. It began with a jealous granddaughter and then sort of mushroomed out from there. She got other family on her side and said that I "needed to go and fast". Why a grown granddaughter would be jealous of her grandmother's platonic male friend is completely and totally beyond me. They have grilled her and stayed on her about her friendship with me, although, they do seem to be losing steam now that she has told them that we are friends and there is not a thing that they can do about it. It's a crazy situation. They don't seem to pay THAT much attention to the woman, unless someone new comes into the picture. Then they want to get all up in arms about it. As far as I can tell, there is not anything wrong with me that should give them reason to be suspicious. Unless it is something that I am just missing completely. It appears that the rest of the family are taking their cues from the jealous granddaughter. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 21, 2018 Share Posted August 21, 2018 how old is the granddaughter? The woman you're friends with, is it her granddaughter or her daughter? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 21, 2018 Share Posted August 21, 2018 Somehow the family perceives you as a threat. If she has made it clear she will not be forced to chose, then just let her hand her family & you stay out of it. Avoid them. What else is there? Threatening a restraining order is pretty serious. Those aren't handed out on a whim. Do they have any grounds? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popeye_Jones Posted August 22, 2018 Author Share Posted August 22, 2018 how old is the granddaughter? The woman you're friends with, is it her granddaughter or her daughter? It is her granddaughter. She is 23. My friend became a parent and grandparent VERY early on in life. She is also a great grandparent. 4 great grandchildren. She is only 64. And, at one point, she was actually raising 2 of her great grandchildren. That was before we met. Her health issues put a stop to that. How ANY family could manipulate a GREAT grandmother into raising her great grandchildren is beyond me. That's part of the reason that the granddaughter acts the way that she does. The two great grand kids that she was once raising are this granddaughter's children. So, poor her, she has to do a little work now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popeye_Jones Posted August 22, 2018 Author Share Posted August 22, 2018 Somehow the family perceives you as a threat. If she has made it clear she will not be forced to chose, then just let her hand her family & you stay out of it. Avoid them. What else is there? Threatening a restraining order is pretty serious. Those aren't handed out on a whim. Do they have any grounds? Her family is just running off at the mouth about getting a restraining order. They have absolutely ZERO grounds to do so. One of them even went so far as to say that they would "make something up" if they had to. I do believe that that would fall under perjury if they were to attempt such a thing. As you said, I will just have to avoid them. With the slight exception of her sister, all of them are of the same mindset on this. While her sister doesn't just love me or anything, she has at least said "the friendship that the two of you have is not hurting a thing, nor affecting any of them in the least. They (meaning the other family members) need to just come to the realization that there is nothing they can do. They are only wasting their time and energy with this". I just don't get it. It just seems like a group of adults would have better things to do than to try and control who their mother/grandmother/aunt/cousin, etc, knows and doesn't know. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 22, 2018 Share Posted August 22, 2018 If your lady friend has always been the "work horse" in the family raising the kids, the grandkids & now the great grand kids your presence in this lady's life taking up her time & leaving them without a built in free babysitter is why they resent you. They are not jealous. They are annoyed. For once in her life, great grandma is taking time for herself. I say good for her. You still have to stay out of her family drama. These short sighted people don't realize that if you stick around they could potentially end up with two caregivers. Poor you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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