What do you think? VERY LONG POST -Sorry!

[dcsmom97]

I'm just wanting some opinions...I'm divorced (separated since 1/04, divorced since 10/04) and ready to slowly start a relationship with someone. My best friend's brother fixed me up with a guy that he knows from work - we talked on the phone a couple of times very briefly and decided to go out to dinner etc. that weekend. Anyway, the date went really well and he called me most days after that - I didn't mention that he lives about 40 minutes away and has a job that travels in and out of town 4-5 days a week - and we had some really nice conversations. He told me pretty soon into our conversations that he had just gotten out of a LTR in Feb. of this year and didn't want to jump into a serious relationship right away, though he does want to get married somewhere down the line. That seemed pretty cool, as I don't want to rush either. We agreed that we would just get to know each other and see where things went. He also told me that he has other friends that he goes out with from time to time, but that there was nothing physical going on with any of them.

 

Two weeks and many conversations later, we got together and watched movies. We wound up getting cuddly on the couch and he tried to kiss me. I refused at first, reminding him about the conversation that we'd had about how confused things can get when people end up getting too physical too fast in new relationships/friendships. Of course, he kept trying until I finally gave in. We wound up kissing, touching etc. for 3-4 hours. It was really intense for both of us. We even talked about how much we both wanted to take things further physically, but it just too soon - besides, we were FRIENDS.

 

When he left, he kissed me and told me that we'd talk later. Later on that day, he called and was going on and on about how good things had felt that night before and how he'd thought that I would have called him. I replied that he'd made it clear where he stood - friends - and so I wasn't making a big deal of it. We countinued to talk on the phone almost daily - I guess that I should also mention that in addition to his work schedule, I have 2 children under the age of 8, so ot works out better to see him when they are with their father every other weekend. I'd told him that since we were friends that the next time we got together, there needed to be no physical contact. He said that that was not a problem. Needless to say, when we daw each other this past weekend, he was at first keeping his distance, but then he went in for the kill - another kiss. Again I tried to resist, but I gave in again, which led to another make out session. This one was even more intense than the last one! He asked me to spend the night - he promised to TRY not to touch me;) , but I thought better of it and came on home. He called me to make sure that I wasn't falling asleep on the road. He was telling me about how much he enjoyed me being at his place, how nice it was having me there with him, how much he'd enjoyed our "session", how much he'd wanted to "take things further" etc.

 

When I talked to him yesterday, we were having a conversation that was pretty much like the one that we'd had the night before, but I started bringing up the fact that what we'd been doing was not the kind of thing that I was just going to keep doing with someone who was just my friend. He again went on to tell me again about how he didn't want to jump into anything (his last relationship was 8yrs + a son), how he was enjoying going out with his buddies from time to time and how everything would have to change if he was in a relationship. HE said that he really enjoys talking to me and that he would like to be able to take me out again etc....I said that maybe we jstu didn't need to talk any more. He couldn't understand why I felt that that was necessary. Although I understand that he does need a breather, he also has to know that I am not interested in the FWB thing AT ALL. I think that I am too good for that, not to mention too old. At any rate, he told me that he would call me back later, at which point I told him that he really didn't have to and he asked if I was going to ignore his calls and or stop talking to him.

He didn't call back - he told me today that he was watching football in his hotel room and he'd fallen asleep, otherwise he'd have called back. I told him that I was glad that he'd not called back because that had given me some time to think. I gave him 3 choices - I said that it didn't matter to me which option he chose - (1) Friends with NO benefits, (2) casual aquaintances or (3) nothing. I explained MY definition of friends - someone with whom I am close and talk to 4-5 times at week at the very least, someone who knows me well, knows things about me that others are not privy to, someone that I share my innermost thoughts and feelings with, in other words, someone that I relate to in an emotionally intimate way; casual aquaintances are people that I know and may associate with from time to time, but do not share all of the things that I listed above - there's no emotional intimacy. I told him that on this level, we wouldn't need to talk very often, just every now and then and maybe he could call me sometimes and we could go out if I wasn't busy. Again the third option was nothing. I's daid that perhaps after considering the other 2 options he'd maybe decide that it wasn't worth it at all.

I was really surprised that he chose option 1! He said it seemed to him that most really good relationships and marriages come from good friendships. He said that he wanted to continue to persue a friendship with me and see where it goes - if we see that after some time we want it to be more, then we can take it to that level, if not, then we can still be friends. I told him that what had really pissed me off the night before, was that he says what he said, but then he tries to be all physical with me. I told him that that could not happen and reminded him of what he'd said before. He said that he'd tried, but that I'd just looked so sexy, he could help himself:laugh: ! I also mentioned how it was hard to think that he could be doing the same things with his other friends that he's done with me. He said that with his job, there really isn't time to be dating lots of other girls and that he wouldn't be doing that with more than one person anyway. So here we are being "friends" with the possibility of being more - or NOT. What's going on here? Am I missing something?