Working with someone I am interested in, but is this emotional dumping?

[Baubles1]

Ok, so let me start by saying I was married a long time and now in the process of getting a divorce. I have no idea how to handle this 'single' thing and feel like I have been thrown into a completely foreign world.

 

I started a new job 4 months ago. One of the first days there, I met a guy who completely turned my brain upside down. As the weeks went on, we flirted a little bit and I got the vibe that he was interested. When I would come in the room he would stop what he was doing to come over and talk to me. I feel stupid saying this, but, I got scared at the whole thing and backed off. He backed off as well and since that time has not made any more flirting type gestures.

 

I was given a desk next to him about 2 months ago and we sit next to each other every day during work. When we are together, he will talk to me about intimate details of his life. From his divorce, previous girlfriend, his family. What happens during his doctor visits, etc. It has even come to the point where he has talked to me about very personal aspects of his life, including fatalities from two separate car accidents that shattered his family.

 

Other than these conversations, I don't see anything that would indicate he is interested in me. What confuses me is the depth of the conversations. They are so personal. Some of the stuff is from such deep corners of his mind that it makes me wonder what it all means. Is he just emotionally 'throwing up' on me and needs someone to talk to, or is there more here and he is trying to develop a friendship/relationship, etc?

 

One of the girls in the office made a comment to me that this guy is very shy and has never asked a girl out in his life. That the few girlfriends he had always asked him out first.

 

So I just don't know what to think at this point. I am not at the point where I would like to ask him out as I don't know if he is interested. I don't feel that whatever this 'thing' is, it's not at the point of doing anything outside of working hours yet. I don't want to jeopardize the natural development of a relationship by rushing too soon. On the other hand, I don't want to foolishly believe there is something here that isn't.

 

What does it mean when someone converses with you on such a deeply personal level as this.

[stillafool]

I've worked in offices where I was in a cubicle with women and sometimes a man. We had the same so called intimate conversations you are having with this work mate of yours. Talk of their divorces, boyfriends, doctor visits, financial issues, and relatives, etc. Guess what, we weren't interested in dating each other. Don't read too much into conversations unless he is asking you when can he take you out. When that happens you will know he has a romantic interest in you.

[FMW]

I completely get the weirdness of being single again after many years of marriage.

 

I have a similar friendship I posted about here with a guy who seems to really enjoy spending time with me and seems happy to accept any invitations I offer but never initiates anything. Sometimes I think we can enjoy attractions to people without taking it beyond the friendship. I've learned to appreciate my connection with him and leave it at that, even though at times it's confusing.

 

I would advise you to do the same. It sounds like you are open and receptive to him, so you're doing your part. Unless you want to be the Alpha in the relationship (and most women don't) then leave it up to him to ask you out. Just enjoy the friendship with a little added interest.

[Baubles1]

Yeah, this whole new dating thing is hard to learn. I guess I'm going to make some mistakes along the way.

 

I like this guy and would like to have the opportunity to get to know him better. I'm having a hard time figuring out how to get my interest in him across, but at the same time, not making it look so obvious that I'm throwing myself at him.

 

I also have to balance out that I work with him, and if he has no interest in me, it will make for a difficult situation to work in.

[preraph]

Well, I mean, before you think about dating him, assess if he's a mess. Sounds like he's had some bad things happen. But make sure he's not bringing any of it on. Dig deeper. And yes, he might just feel like you're a good person to regurgitate his problems too. So I mean, first find out if he's kind of messed up and has some emotional or mental problems before you think about dating him. He might be one of those who never stops talking about that stuff and bores you to death and doesn't listen to you. So don't get in any hurry.

 

And too, he doesn't sound shy to me. Sometimes people like to think someone is shy simply because they are interested in them and the person isn't interested and engaging back at them. He sounds like a LOT, so wade in slowly. And to me, if a guy can't ask you out, he's not ready for a relationship, really. Who needs someone who can't do something that simple?