Business trip

[Jimmy3858]

Hey guys,

 

Little background on the situation. I’m 30 & my gf is 29 we’ve been dating for a about 5 months. Everything has been fine up to this point. She’s a really good girl, doesn’t have any toxic behaviors, just a overall great person to date.

 

She went to Nashville for a job expo and went out with her co workers Saturday night. It was my gf, a guy, and a girl. The girl ended up getting lost so my gf ended up partying with the guy co worker. Well we usually text each other goodnight and I didn’t hear anything from her till the next morning.

 

She called and apologized and said she messed up and it won’t happen again. Her co worker walked her up to her room.

 

So, would you guys be upset if this happened? Or am I over reacting? Should I still stay with her?

 

Any advice would be appreciated

[FMW]

So by messed up does she mean because she didn't text you goodnight or does she mean she let things go too far with the guy co-worker? Exactly what does "partying" mean in this case?

 

If all she did was hang out with him, have some drinks and then he said goodbye to her at her door without any physical interaction, then not a big deal, but yeah, she should probably avoid that in the future.

[Lotsgoingon]

You're saying she should have caught a cab home and not gone out with coworker?

 

Dude, news for you: women go on work trips all the time these days ... and there will be guys on a lot of these work trips. And they will drink and sometimes even dance.

 

She called you and apologized ... that's cool ... I don't see a problem.

 

YOU have the right to go out on a work outing/dinner whatever ... and dance with a female colleague ... and you might one day forget to call your gf. No deep offense.

 

Is she treating you well otherwise? I get your pang of jealous. No huge sin there. But if she's otherwise treating you well, chill.

[Juha]

In her terminology what exactly is partying?

 

That word means different things for different people.

 

To most it means drinking, drugs, sex. Any combination of those 3 things.

 

What it means to your girlfriend I do not know, did she explain anything to you or just apologize and not say anything?

 

When she called and said she messed up what exactly did she she mean by she messed up? Did she explain what she meant?

[Jimmy3858]

I’m not exactly sure. She said that he walked her to her room and that was it. I trust her but at the same time it seems sketchy. Im totally okay with her drinking with co-workers, but within a group setting. At 3am if you’re drinking with another man, out of town, and then doesn’t even have the common courtesy to let me know she safe. Well that just seems disrespectful on my end.

 

 

In her terminology what exactly is partying?

 

That word means different things for different people.

 

To most it means drinking, drugs, sex. Any combination of those 3 things.

 

What it means to your girlfriend I do not know, did she explain anything to you or just apologize and not say anything?

 

When she called and said she messed up what exactly did she she mean by she messed up? Did she explain what she meant?

[Thingsfallapart]

Why didn’t she text you when she got back to the hotel room?

 

I put my money on she cheated.

 

If a girl normally always messages you goodnight but doesn’t when she is out with a guy there is probably a reason.

[Juha]

I’m not exactly sure. She said that he walked her to her room and that was it. I trust her but at the same time it seems sketchy. Im totally okay with her drinking with co-workers, but within a group setting. At 3am if you’re drinking with another man, out of town, and then doesn’t even have the common courtesy to let me know she safe. Well that just seems disrespectful on my end.

 

100% correct!!! To be honest trust your gut instincts with this.

I would definitely not be happy with this at all. I would also feel she is being sketchy with her answer.

 

Does not seem like she explained how she messed up, getting drunk with someone and being walked to your room is not messing up, at least not in my book.

 

She may be only telling you half the story about being walked by him to her room and leaving out where he came in and fill in the blank...

 

Is this the first business trip she has been on since you have been together?

 

Thing is if you trust her then let it go and see what happens moving forward when she is away again.

 

If you don't feel like you can trust her then break up with her.

[Juha]

Why didn’t she text you when she got back to the hotel room?

 

I put my money on she cheated.

 

If a girl normally always messages you goodnight but doesn’t when she is out with a guy there is probably a reason.

 

I would agree with this especially when she told you she messed up but has not explained how she messed up

[Jimmy3858]

Exactly,

 

Her excuse was that she had too much to drink. I’m usually pretty chill but this just add up.

 

 

I would agree with this especially when she told you she messed up but has not explained how she messed up

[d0nnivain]

You trust her or you don't. Either one could be right for you.

 

If you don't trust her break up.

 

If you do trust her, believe her explanation -- outside of her routine, while drunk she didn't text. She woke up & texted you. Her saying she "messed up" was her way of apologizing for not texting. BFD. No harm no foul. The co-worker who walked her to her room was a good person who didn't let a drunk vulnerable colleague walk alone in a strange city. Not everyone who allows alcohol to pass through their lips with opposite sex people in proximity is a cheater. Absent more evidence then your paranoia, you are over reacting.

[Rockdad]

Couples that nit pick, get bent or blow things up over minor things don't seem truly happy together or having a good time to me.

[Gaeta]

At 3am if you’re drinking with another man, out of town, and then doesn’t even have the common courtesy to let me know she safe. Well that just seems disrespectful on my end.

 

Tipsy or drunk people don't have any courtesy left in them. You expecting she text you 'by courtesy' when half her mind is gone is a bit unrealistic.

 

She told you what happened so you believe her and don't bring it up again or you don't believe her and break up with her. Your pick.

 

You said yourself she's a really good person with no toxic behavior so let it slide, we're all human and we all make mistakes. In the big pictures 'not texting you' is a pretty small mistake.

 

 

 

 

.

[doyathinkso]

Then again, maybe she didn't text you because her hands were too busy.

[Purrrfect]

It sounds like she did something with this guy. Both tipsy or drunk. He walks to her room and it never stops there

[coolheadal]

Hey guys,

 

Little background on the situation. I’m 30 & my gf is 29 we’ve been dating for a about 5 months. Everything has been fine up to this point. She’s a really good girl, doesn’t have any toxic behaviors, just a overall great person to date.

 

She went to Nashville for a job expo and went out with her co workers Saturday night. It was my gf, a guy, and a girl. The girl ended up getting lost so my gf ended up partying with the guy co worker. Well we usually text each other goodnight and I didn’t hear anything from her till the next morning.

 

She called and apologized and said she messed up and it won’t happen again. Her co worker walked her up to her room.

 

So, would you guys be upset if this happened? Or am I over reacting? Should I still stay with her?

 

Any advice would be appreciated

 

You don't say what she really did with this guy? To call and apologized to you like she did something out of place?

[Thingsfallapart]

I think you should test her.

Ask her for the guys name and say you’re going to message him on Facebook to say thanks for looking after your girlfriend while drunk...

 

If she acts crazy or refuses, you have all the answers you needed...

[d0nnivain]

I think you should test her.

Ask her for the guys name and say you’re going to message him on Facebook to say thanks for looking after your girlfriend while drunk...

 

If she acts crazy or refuses, you have all the answers you needed...

 

I'm not crazy about "testing" partners but in the grand scheme this isn't terrible.

[Gaeta]

I think you should test her.

Ask her for the guys name and say you’re going to message him on Facebook to say thanks for looking after your girlfriend while drunk...

 

If she acts crazy or refuses, you have all the answers you needed...

 

 

I would go crazy and refuse and I am not a cheater. There is no difference between this and going through her purse and email. How is this remotely acceptable? He trusts her or he doesn't, checking up on her whereabouts is 'not trusting her'.

[ExpatInItaly]

I think you should test her.

Ask her for the guys name and say you’re going to message him on Facebook to say thanks for looking after your girlfriend while drunk...

 

If she acts crazy or refuses, you have all the answers you needed...

 

She's going to see right through that and know what he's doing.

[BaileyB]

It seems to me that you need to find out if she had sex with the guy or not. You are trying to make a decision here with incomplete information... which leads to pure conjecture.

 

Depending on her answer, your response should be very, very different...

[Thingsfallapart]

She's going to see right through that and know what he's doing.

 

Exactly! That’s the point. He will be able to judge by her reaction and body language etc if she is guilty of something or not.

[d0nnivain]

Exactly! That’s the point. He will be able to judge by her reaction and body language etc if she is guilty of something or not.

 

There is another possible response. She knows he's "testing" her & she dumps him for not trusting her. Many will say that is proof that she cheated but it's not. It's someone who knows what she finds acceptable.

 

I dated a guy who had no trust. He was constantly suspicious. At first I tried to placate him to show him that he was being paranoid & I was faithful. After about a month of his accusations, I called it quits. About a month later he was shocked that I wasn't dating this other guy who had always made him crazy. I was disgusted because I had repeatedly assured him that there was nothing going on between me & the other guy It was all so stupid.

[ExpatInItaly]

Exactly! That’s the point. He will be able to judge by her reaction and body language etc if she is guilty of something or not.

 

I don't entirely agree with that.

 

I would be upset if my guy was this invasive, and I am not an unfaithful person. It would indicate to me that he doesn't trust me, and that he thinks I'm not bright enough to catch on to what he's doing.

 

My ex pulled things like this, and you are darn right I was unhappy and angry. It told me a lot about what he thought of me and it was hurtful.

 

Assuming an upset reaction is automatically an indication of guilt is simplistic and faulty.

[Jimmy3858]

Update:

 

I did see her co worker text her last night at like 8pm. I was walking by her phone and noticed it, same guy she went out with.. didn’t really ask about why he was texting her that late though. Am I being naive or is that fair?

 

I told her that in order to continue this relationship and keep it healthy that we needed to set certain boundaries for both parties. The conversation went well and she agreed to all of them and then apologized, so we shall see. If this happens again I’ll just walk away from the relationship.

[d0nnivain]

The fact that a coworker texted her at 8 pm is not a problem, depending on what the text said. You can't put parameters on how other people in her life act.

 

I'm glad you talked to her but you setting "boundaries" & her agreeing to them sounds awfully controlling on your part. If what happens again will cause you to walk away? Are you saying you will dump her if he goes on another business trip or that you will dump her if she socializes with business colleagues? That is very short sighted. Networking is a powerful tool for advancing in any field.