Don't know how to handle everything

[amy_may]

Hi world,

 

I am new to this but I have hit rock bottom.

 

Me and my boyfriend dated for almost two years which seems like a long time to me. I am 23, so this was my first grown up relationship. We have done long distance for basically our whole relationship and things were starting to fall apart. My anxiety had a lot to do with it, and I didn't recognize it at the time I was dealing with depression. I just graduated college this past December and was so lost on what i wanted to do. Jeff, (made up name of ex) was the only thing keeping me happy. We actually lived together for a month after I graduated college, but I couldn't stay because I could find a job.

 

Since my anxiety (which i told him I have had for years) was taking a toll on our relationship I swallowed my pride and decided to get professional help. This was in the beginning of June so it took awhile for me to get an appointment in. He said okay and I asked him to stick with me through this hard time. He agreed.

 

Later that June I found out he was sneaking behind my back to hang/talk with his ex. Told me she moved back into town a week ago but it was actually a month. We broke up on my birthday on June 23rd because I found out he was going to her place after the bar. About a month after we broke up a girl came up to me and told me that he had cheated on me a couple of times when he was wasted.

 

Even though he did all of this messed up stuff to me I would just want him to hold me. he was my best friend. I dont have the best support group around me all of the time and he was the only truly good thing in my life (so i thought). One night he told me to stay over after the bar. I instantly fell asleep and he ended up fooling around with me which i didnt give him permission to. I dont really want to go into details... but basically i am so messed up in the head.

 

Yesterday I ended up going to this bar down the street in the morning to wait for my friend. My anxiety was through the roof so i didnt want food i wanted a cocktail. I have used alcohol to cope for a very long time. I am also currently on zoloft and klonopin. I've been on it for about a month now. But, I got so drunk yesterday I ended up leaving my friend, going to the beach bar (still on an empty stomach), calling ex boyfriends to see why i'm so messed up, I even called Jeff's mom and just cried to her. Almost got arrested because i was walking staggered on the street and my friend had to come peel me off the curb.

 

My friend is so royally pissed at me. My ex bestfriend/boyfriend will not talk to me. I feel so alone. I am officially at rock bottom.

 

If anyone has any advice other than stop drinking or it just takes time I would love to hear it.

 

Thanks

Edited August 24, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed IRL names

[d0nnivain]

Any advice has to include no more self medicating with alcohol. You are on some POWERFUL meds. Do they usually start people on klonopin? Everybody I know who takes that had it prescribed later after the milder stuff stopped working.

 

 

Accept the fact that Jon is not your support system. Where are you parents in this? Go back to them.

 

 

Talk to your therapist about what happened. Also talk to the doctor who is prescribing the meds. They should be 2 people -- one who dispenses meds & another who gives weekly talk therapy & teaches you to deal with your anxiety.

 

 

What are you presently doing for work? Step up your efforts to find a job & possibly get overtime or a 2nd PT job to keep you busy & keep your head focused off your personal issues. When you are anxious & depressed you want to isolate yourself but that is the worst thing you can do. Force yourself to get up & do things.

 

 

Finally stop laying this at Jeff's feet. He is being a cad & at least emotionally cheating on you with his EX & the sex without consent thing is bad but he is not responsible for fixing you. You are responsible for that. You go through college so you have skills; use them to help yourself.

Edited August 24, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
name change

[stillafool]

You have 2 very important assets: your youth and you have a college degree.

 

I agree that if you need support move back to your parents because they love you and this is a fact. Men will come and go so don't lean on them for support. I think once you get back with your parents your eating will improve and they can help you find a good therapist to manage your anxiety.

[amy_may]

I do live with my parents. They are great and all but depression just isn't a word used in our family. they try their best but it isn't enough sometimes.

 

I do see a therapist once a week and I was originally prescribed burspar with my zoloft but it made so sick and more anxious. So my doctor put me on klonopin but i don't think it works very well honestly.

 

I know I shouldn't mix them but at this point in my life me and my friends go out and drink. But that day took a mind of its own. 4 tequila shots before noon is not a good choice.

 

but i just don't want to do anything. i just wanna lay in bed and watch p.s i love you or girl interrupted.

 

I hate my job, living situation, and that he's gone. I can't fix the first 2 because of student loans, therefore i'm stuck with whatever pays well and don't have funds to move out. As for Jon well obviously that ship has sank with my pride attached along to it.

[d0nnivain]

You need a plan & a budget. Start with some short term goals like to make more money & move out of your parents' house. Now figure out an action plan. Are you searching for higher paying jobs? Are you saving your money? How many resumes do you send out per day? You can send a few out while lying in bed.

 

Talk to your doctor about your depression. Explain to the doctor that your family doesn't talk about this & then ask the doctor or therapist to discuss the medical condition with your family. You can't weather this alone. well you can; it's just harder.