Is there a second chance?

[User64342]

I definitely stick between friend zone and rejection and I don’t know exactly how to move on.

 

I met a girl almost a year a ago (but we know each other for probably 12 years or smt) we dated and she felt something for me, so I did for her as well. She told me that, even her friends said that I have to make a move.

 

But we both were ****ing shy, so I did nothing and I slowly got clingy and needy, I always asked why we can’t go a step further and have more. After 8 months (I know I am a pussy) she said, she is not feeling it anymore but she wants to stay friends with me. I refused it and since then I did no contact.

4 Months after the rejection, she wrote me and wanted to meet up, with the words “just if I want”, we first set a date to meet.

 

But I got insecure again and asked her sister (we are good friends), she said that her sister(my crush) just wanted to be friends, she thinks its really sad that we have no contact anymore and that she was asking what I am doing since then.

After I heard that I wrote her something like: We should leave it as it is now, I don’t wanna be friends with you, there was just to much going on back then. And we didn’t meet.

I got no answer from her.

 

I will probably see her in a few weeks, there will be a ball (dance night), and she will be there.

Should I talk to her to show her what she is missing? Should I straight go for the “I just want a romantic relationship, let me know if you change your mind” ?

I honestly don’t know. I think I really improved myself during the time we had no contact, I did sports, got more into my hobbies again, started learning a new instrument but I still find her ****ing attractive and I want to get more than just a friendship.

 

I would say I simply got friend zoned because of neediness and insecurity. I know that she once was into me, you think there is a chance to get these feelings back?

[ExpatInItaly]

Honestly OP, I wouldn't bother with her anymore. She was never all in, and has been clear she only wants friendship.

 

When a girl really likes you, you won't need to show her what she's missing or campaign her to be with you.

[d0nnivain]

We regret more in life the things we don't do. You waited & waited & pussy footed around so much that you lost the girl. She lost feelings because she liked you & kept hoping but you did nothing. To her that was the same as rejection. Rather then keep picking at the wound of the broken heart that you broke by not taking things further, she let it scab over & heal by putting you in a box called "just friends."

 

If you are now man enough to break out of that box, you have some shot to sweep her off her feet at this upcoming ball. If you have the fortitude to walk up to her, kiss her hello on the cheek when you take her in your arms for the hug. Immediately sweep her onto the dance floor for a slow dance. Keep your bodies pressed together. Never let her more then arms length away all night. Maneuver her outside in the moonlight where you can share your 1st kiss. Dance some more. Flatter her. Flirt your tail off. Be the one to drive her home. Get another good night kiss at the door. Set up your 1st date before you leave her presence & make it over the top, not some cheesy let's hang out or get coffee -- a real romantic no room for doubt date. On your way home wait about an hour & wish her pleasant dreams, include a kiss emoji.

 

If you can do all that or something substantially equivalent that is more you, then you might get the girl. If you are going to half-ass it or tiptoe around, you are doomed. You might as well not even go to the dance.

[glows]

Can you clarify please whether you're hitting her up or want to hit her up because she's hot only?

 

Does this chick have any substance to her or is she just physically proportionate in white light?

 

You say you "dated" but nothing in your post suggests that you know her deeply or intimately and I mean her entire person - spiritually, emotionally.

 

The reason why you're being friend zoned and stuck on the outer circle is because you sound shallow (even if you really are not). People aren't stupid and they're going to pick up whether you see/treat them as more than a sexy piece of meat. You may not have enough self-confidence or you may not have any role models growing up or any idea of how to treat a lady consistently. Work on that and see how the dating department works out for you in time. Good luck.

[Ralph79]

Should I straight go for the “I just want a romantic relationship, let me know if you change your mind” ?

 

So you've been NC with this girl for the most part in the past 4 months because you didn't get to "take it a step further" with her.

 

And although she has reached out and offered her friendship, you thought it best to reject her proposal even though you guys were never really BF/GF. You just dated a while.

 

Do you seriously think a girl will want to be your GF at the snap of your fingers , just because you will it?

 

It doesn't work that way. It's a process. It's starts with friendship, and if there's something there it will develop into something greater.

 

HAD she been your GF my advice would've been different. But she's giving you an opportunity to be part of her life. So that you can still get to know each other at a slower pace. It's obvious you have feelings for her. She probably has some feelings for you too. But if you just blatantly show up and give her ultimatums, buddy, you will be rejected every single time.