Stop talking and saying things

[mortensorchid]

I catch myself a lot saying things out of nervousness. I have made this mistake in the past a lot and I have tried very hard to control it. I also think people have become very critical of others in the last few years when they did not before, as a teacher (or in the education world) I see that a lot of people are just in each others' business at all times and whatnot. I try to stay to myself as much as possible, sometimes something slips out but I immediately say I have to modify my speech, please excuse. Reasons behind it? Perhaps it's autism or some kind of it. I think we all have some kind of autism in some way or another. I have an unusual sense of humor, I can admit that. I can also admit I am a bit on the odd side but whoever is not can cast the first stone. But I digress …

 

How can I keep myself under complete control and NOT say anything other than repeating the mantra "Don't say anything". And never speak unless spoken to. This comes from abuses from others. Some of them feel great that they put down my self esteem and made me into what I am today, but I think that's another thread.

[glows]

Do you actually have autism or are you just self-labeling or self-diagnosing? I think you're going to run the risk of offending individuals who really are dealing with or caretakers for others with autism if you don't use this carefully.

 

I'm sensing that you have some unresolved issues regarding being silenced or not having a voice at some point and you're overcompensating for it now with anxieties in social situations. Have you tried counselling or any form of therapy?

[basil67]

"we're all a little bit autistic" or phrases to that effect are indeed on the list of things which are both inaccurate and offensive to those on the spectrum.

 

That aside, it's unrealistic and antisocial to try not to engage with others or only speak when spoken to. The commonalities I see from the people I see who have the most social success is that they are fun, engaging and avoid negative talk about others.

Edited August 24, 2018 by basil67

[mortensorchid]

Do you actually have autism or are you just self-labeling or self-diagnosing? I think you're going to run the risk of offending individuals who really are dealing with or caretakers for others with autism if you don't use this carefully.

 

I'm sensing that you have some unresolved issues regarding being silenced or not having a voice at some point and you're overcompensating for it now with anxieties in social situations. Have you tried counselling or any form of therapy?

 

I am self diagnosing/labeling. I think that's the case as to why I am … Facing this.

[basil67]

I am self diagnosing/labeling. I think that's the case as to why I am … Facing this.

 

If you are considering whether you fit the criteria, be aware that a lot of the online information reflects how men present. It's becoming increasingly understood that women present differently and haven't been reflected in much of the data.

 

Prof Tony Attwood has done some great work regarding women who are on the spectrum. He's written books, but there's also podcasts which may be of interest. Have a look for the podcast "Conversations with Richard Fidler" and search for his interviews with Attwood

[OatsAndHall]

I've been guilty of the same thing and but I certainly don't fall on the spectrum. I attribute it to my diagnosed anxiety disorder and it's just something that I've learned to work through. I've learned to either slow my roll or ask someone something innocuous about themselves if I'm feeling anxious. BUT, that is because my first instinct is to make a smart a-- comment when I get nervous. But, if I do make a comment, I avoid backtracking as much as possible as playing "damage control" winds me up tighter and makes things worse.

[preraph]

I know I've commented before when you told us something you said to a guy that I thought your harshness was why men aren't sticking around. At the time, you didn't comment to my comment. I don't know it's autism. I think it's more likely you were raised in a home where someone ruthlessly spoke his/her mind regardless of whether it was hurtful to others under the pretext of "but it's true so it must be said."

 

My mom was somewhat that way and I was that way in my late teen years to a fault where I'd offend people. I still have to watch it. Just always know who you're talking to and before you speak, ask yourself how you'd react if you were on the receiving end, whether you'd think "He doesn't even know me, so why would he say that" or "no one asked for your opinion" or whatever. Get in the habit of pausing before you speak and thinking about it first.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

A very wise older friend of mine just posted a meme on FB that says this: "A smart person knows what to say. A wise person knows whether or not to say it."