Dealing with regret

[ConflictedPerson]

So, I'm trying to convince myself that my relationship with my ex-gf would never have worked out, but from what she indicated to me in our post discussions, basically, if I had done something different - something it would've been fairly easy to do - she wouldn't have wanted to break up with me. Now, she closed the door on any prospect of getting back together, so that's not what this is about.

 

One of the strongest feelings I wish I could get over is the feeling of regret about this mistake that I made (this thing that I did or didn't do throughout much of our relationship) and if only I'd done things differently, I could've saved it. Given that the time I was in this relationship was certainly among the happiest times of my life, it really pains be to think about this. I try to tell myself, 'well, it was probably inevitable for this or that reason', but I guess I haven't convinced myself; or that regret is unproductive. I sort of believe that, but I don't quite feel like I believe it. I try to tell myself I'll find someone else with whom I'll be just as happy or more so. I don't believe that yet either.

Does anyone have any advice on dealing with intense regret?

[Logo]

Depending on the mistake, but the truth is when someone truly loves you and she wants to be with you, she would give you a chance to fix that mistake.

 

At the same time, it’s possible that this mistake was seen by her as something that you need to work on, on your own.

 

I don’t have much to go on from your post, sorry. But when a relationship ends and the other person is not interested in staying in the relationship, there’s not much to regret.

 

I’ve learned lessons from every interaction I’ve had with women. My philosophy these days is that if it was meant to be, it would have worked out.

 

I had a lot of regrets after every relationship, even when it was the other person who was to blame for destroying the relationship. And I felt that regret because I gave myself false hope that everything was under MY control and if I only changed one little thing, or acted a little different, we could work things out.

 

During the three weeks after my last relationship I was going over the last couple of weeks of our relationship over and over, replaying it in my head, going over conversations we had with a fine toothed comb like someone hoping to find a loophole, something, anything that if I could only fix THAT, everything would return to normal.

 

I maintained no contact and with time I gained perspective and emotional distance, both of which brought me to the simple conclusion that the relationship was bound to end sooner or later. We just weren’t compatible. We were on two different tracks.

 

So don’t be so hard on yourself. Try to take a break from thinking about it all so much. Stay busy, do things that make you happy and avoid spending too much time thinking about the relationship, what was and what could have been.

 

Give yourself a break. In a couple of months, with some perspective, you’ll look back and see things differently.

 

Whatever you do, know that you did your best under the circumstances and that it was a learning experience.

[glows]

His details are in another thread here:

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/660630-should-i-tell-her-now-later

 

What I'm getting from you OP:

Give yourself time to heal. It's still fresh. I don't mean to sound cliche but everyone has some regrets when it comes to the past. I regret the way my first relationship ended too. I was young and naive and I passed comments that were hurtful to him and he couldn't reconcile. Towards the end I disliked the person he became because he was bitter, angry and he lost his faith (spirituality) completely, turning against everything we believed in (spiritually). He got pretty dark and was a completely different person. He absolutely didn't want to make it work because he started to believe in nothing whereas I was on the fence. We were different people to each other. My regret was not being more kind but honestly neither was he to me or to himself. We were also just teenagers but I still don't like the things we said to each other.

 

So I'd say give it time and don't let this overrun your life. You have to believe that there is more to life than this relationship and this break up.