Should I call out a friend who chases after guys I’m interested in?

[hannahl9811]

I have been friends with a girl, let’s call her Jennifer, for 3-4 years now. We became very close a year or so ago and quickly became each other’s best friend. We did a ton together this summer and I have generally good memories with her.

 

The only problem I have right now is that I was informed by a guy I’ve been very interested in/“have a thing with” for awhile that she had been sort of stalking him on social media. He told me she would like pictures of his from months ago, be the first to interact with his posts on certain apps, and comment/send him things to get his attention. This is all despite the fact that he didn’t follow her back on any platform.

 

She knows very well how deep my feelings for him are, and how rocky my love life has been lately and she still chose to pursue him (even though she currently has a boyfriend), which bothers me.

 

It wouldn’t make me so upset if this was the first time she’s done this, however this isn’t a new thing with her. Since high school, whenever a guy has shown interest in talking to me, she has slithered her way in and ended up with his number and eventually doing something with him. In fact, just a few months ago we were at a concert together when a guy approached me to talk to me. Somehow, she ended up with his number, even though she’s happily in a relationship and sees how sad I’ve been and how lonely it’s been for me.

 

The single time I tried to call her out on it (which was essentially me just saying “hey Jennifer, is there something I don’t know about? I’ve noticed you interacting with so-and-so’s Instagram page”), she was quick to deny it and make me look crazy for even suggesting she’d do something like that. This was before my current crush even told me what had been going on, it was all based on a gut feeling.

 

Is it even worth it to call her out or should I just let it go? The only reason I am so bothered is because this is not a new thing with Jennifer. It’s so hurtful to me because she’s seen firsthand how painful it’s been for me lately in terms of romance but she went ahead and did it anyway. I don’t know what to do

[Nobita Nobi]

It depends on how you feel.

 

Normally, it'd be for the best if you just let it go BUT you have to cut your friendship with her. It'd be a good lesson for her that her best friend (you) decide to end the friendship. If you choose this way, just don't say anything and walk away from her life.

 

But if you want to talk this out with her, then so be it. At least you can let her know what you feel. If she keeps being like this, then choose the first option immidietly.

 

If you choose the second option, I hope it works out for you. I have an experience where my Ex girlfriend was the one who tried to get close to me first even when far by calling me honey and kissing my hands. By the time we began a relationship, she cheated on me to be with someone.

 

6 months latter she texted me and instead of apologizing, she just asked me "how you doing"? While still in a relationship with the guy. Before she texted me, I got a screenshoot from a mutual friend that she "miss" me.

 

My point? I have a little faith if Jennifer would change to be better so quickly, but if you want to talk out things with her first, then I hope she can understand and won't repeat the things she always does. Good luck.

[Zapbasket]

Don't say anything, but do pull away from her. Hers is not the behavior of a friend looking out for her friend. Whether you gradually slip out of her life now or wait until something blows up, there is no good outcome for a friendship with someone like this. Also, stop telling her who you're seeing. Become an enigma...a busy, scarce enigma

[Mr. Lucky]

It’s so hurtful to me because she’s seen firsthand how painful it’s been for me lately in terms of romance but she went ahead and did it anyway. I don’t know what to do

 

Really? Someone continually leverages your friendship to their advantage in ways especially hurtful to you - and you don't know what to do?

 

Time for a real-world unfriending. By definition, friends have your best interests in mind. She obviously does not...

 

Mr. Lucky

[glows]

I'm sorry you're going through this confusion and pain. I'd say limit your time with her and slowly distance yourself as a friend. I can honestly say I've never been in a situation like this that was so disrespectful on a female-female friendship level. You don't need that kind of nonsense in your life. It's time to be a friend to yourself, honey, and do what's best for you.

 

Regarding your beau or man of interest, if you sense he's loyal to you or reciprocates your feelings/intentions, trust him and see where it goes. People will come and go in your life. When you look back you'll thank yourself for letting the good ones stay longer and booting the bad apples faster. Life is too short.

[grays]

I think she sounds like bad news. I could see things getting dicey where two friends have an actual connection to a same guy, that there may be some gray area where he's kind of fair game. But it doesn't sound like that's what's going on here at all. What she's doing sounds really messed up to me. I think you should stay away from her.

[Shining One]

Find a perpetually single, lonely guy. Tell her you're falling in love with him.

[Desesperado]

Find a perpetually single, lonely guy. Tell her you're falling in love with him.

 

Mwahahahahah, that's genius to get back at her, but it's not friend just block the crazy girl and stop interacting.

[Kranbir8]

That's interesting. Only friends can do that. You should discuss about this issue with your friend. I hope he will understand the situation.

[FMW]

A true friend would not do this.

 

It sounds like she needs a lot of attention and affirmation and doesn't care if she hurts you to get it. I've had a "friend" like that. Believe me, after a while you will reach your limit and wonder what took you so long.

 

I agree with the others who say to distance yourself from her and stop sharing your thoughts and feelings about guys with her. She's proven she'll just use them against you.

 

Make new friends and spend more time with the others you already have.

[thefooloftheyear]

It's been my experience that women generally don't honor "codes" of conduct when it comes to available/desirable men and their friends....They'll snake out their friend and not think twice about it...It's one of the main reasons you see attractive women with only ugly/fat friends..

 

I don't know what to tell you....If I were you, I would ditch her....

 

TFY

[Shining One]

Mwahahahahah, that's genius to get back at her, but it's not friend just block the crazy girl and stop interacting.

It's not for getting back at her. Some lonely guy gets laid and Jennifer gets distracted away from the man the OP is interested in. Win win.

[d0nnivain]

I agree with those telling you to distance yourself from her.

 

However, I had a friend like this. She was notorious in our circles only it was worse. She would actively try to steal everybody's BF. I didn't affect me as much because I was away at college & grad school through the worst of it so my BFs didn't come around. That is part of why she & I are still friends. Another part of why our friendship survived is because I warned any new guys I was bringing around that this was going to happen. All of my BFs were prepared, knew I knew & turned her down. Eventually she grew out of it. Years later she told me that she did it because she felt like taking a guy away from one of us proved in her mind that she was pretty & worthy of being loved. She figured some of this out during various in patient stays in psych hospitals. She also lost a lot of other friends as a result of her behavior.

 

If you have any desire to keep her as a friend you have to tell her to stop. Not talk to her about it. Not give her a chance to gaslight you. Just point blank tell her to knock it off or the friendship is over. Also tell this new guy to unfriend her because she is trying to undercut your relationship. If he doesn't jettison him too.

[BaileyB]

It's time to find another friend...

 

If she was truly your friend, she would respect you more than to do this...

[Dodgersfan11]

You should ditch her! And find a new friend. This isn't a friend AT ALL. Why can't you see that? She sounds jealous and is a c-blocker. I don't care how much history you have with your her-stealing the guys YOU are interested in is NOT COOL. Sure, once you call her out on this, she will probably lie and will tell you that she ain't gonna do it no more, but will probably be stab you in the back. Can you imagine once you get married or engaged, then this betoch will try to steal your husband try to screw him in all possible ways without you knowing. I've seen it happen before, just either find a new friend or try to not share what guys you are interested or introduce them to your boyfriend as much as possible. All women are jealous. and will try to steal whatever you have.

[preraph]

Listen, I have been through this more than once, and one time it was one of the two most traumatic times of my life. I made the mistake of holding onto an old high school friend who had betrayed me in a gossip way in high school. I cut her out there, but when I went to college, she was the only person I knew there and took her back in and then years later, she betrayed me in a much bigger way and I had to finally cut her out of my life. It was a terrible, terrible time.

 

Don't give someone who does this a second chance or you will regret it.

 

I had another younger friend who I gave a pass on it because of her youth, because you know how it is when you're a teen, not exactly a model of decorum. So me and her best friend at the time, her own age (my best friend still 30 years later) both gave her a pass but she went after nearly every single guy either of us had any interest in. It was as if she waited for them to be annointed by us as okay guys and then moved right in. I put it down to insecurity at the time. Not sure what it was, but it was a lifelong problem for her and us, and I no longer care why she did it.

 

When she was still young, she even went after her mother's live-in bf. She's had a lot of troubles in her life, real troubles, but I wonder how much she brought on herself. The man she had a child with committed suicide at her home with her and the little boy there. So maybe she really did have a reason for going after guys her trusted friends liked because she sure didn't pick well when left on her own.

 

My best friend, her oldest friend, tolerated it all even when I knew it must hurt at times, but I got fed up with it early on. Then a couple years ago, my best friend found out this woman, now approaching 50, has moved in with my friend's first husband. She just can't stop herself. With her last dying breath, she will be going after her friend's men. So finally, my friend had enough of her and refused to let "them" come visit, etc., or to hear about it, and I finally totally blocked her.

 

And now I have an old friend who, in her 60s, was trying to go after the guy I was in love with back 40 years ago when she was my roommate. I should have cut her off years ago too, I guess. I would never DREAM of going after one of her serious boyfriends, on any of these women. It's about ethics. Get people with bad ethics out of your life.

[preraph]

I want to add one thing because your question asked should you call them out. All that will do is make them secretive about it. That's it. They will still do it.