Do I initiate contact after NC?

[SpecialJ]

You may not see it this way yet, but I think you've recently become aware of your own deep issues (which is what's amplifying the pain so much) and it's an incredibly positive thing. You don't understand them yet, but you know something isn't working the way you want it to and you're trying to take responsibility for it. That's scary, and that's incredibly painful, but it's also going to be a GREAT thing for you. It takes a lot of strength to get to a point where you want to dig in, and it takes time and effort and bravery, but a lot of people never make it that far and don't start to heal.

 

 

I know how terrible it is to lose the person you love so much, but if it hurts so much that you can get into the deeper layers of yourself below it and start to rebuild, you're going to be able to grow more than you ever thought possible.

 

 

 

Even going on this trip, it's a good decision. Independent, trying to do something on your own. Try to take some pride in that as a first healing step. I don't know where you are in Spain, but there's so many gorgeous things to see there! If you are in Madrid, hang out in el parque del gran retiro. So pretty, relaxing, and revitalizing!

[riverdeep33]

You may not see it this way yet, but I think you've recently become aware of your own deep issues (which is what's amplifying the pain so much) and it's an incredibly positive thing. You don't understand them yet, but you know something isn't working the way you want it to and you're trying to take responsibility for it. That's scary, and that's incredibly painful, but it's also going to be a GREAT thing for you. It takes a lot of strength to get to a point where you want to dig in, and it takes time and effort and bravery, but a lot of people never make it that far and don't start to heal.

 

 

I know how terrible it is to lose the person you love so much, but if it hurts so much that you can get into the deeper layers of yourself below it and start to rebuild, you're going to be able to grow more than you ever thought possible.

 

 

 

Even going on this trip, it's a good decision. Independent, trying to do something on your own. Try to take some pride in that as a first healing step. I don't know where you are in Spain, but there's so many gorgeous things to see there! If you are in Madrid, hang out in el parque del gran retiro. So pretty, relaxing, and revitalizing!

 

I really do hope it works out. Can’t deny that i want him to come back to me. I realise I have to stop and understand that if he wants me, he knows where I am and sadly I know that means he’s never coming back. That’s quite a struggle.

 

I know I’ve a journey to go on to accept myself but with few friends and a distant family, I fear I will regress into a solitary life. I know it’s down to me to change that but mid-30s makes it hard to find friends. I’ll just have to throw myself into work and forget about life for a while.

 

I’m in Barcelona and have tried to do things. The holiday has taught me not to go on holiday on my own again. It has been a very solitary and lonely experience. Never again.

[stillafool]

I'm sorry for your pain as I know acceptance is hard when you lose someone you love. However, please don't think that he "was the one" because if he was you two would be together. He is not the one but the one is still out there waiting on you. Life isn't over for you.

[riverdeep33]

I’ve written him a letter.

 

Nothing heavy. Not begging him back, just now sorry, I miss him and it’s time for me to stop etc.

 

A big part of me wants to send it as closure, but I know no good will come from it.

 

Do I send it?

[ExpatInItaly]

I’ve written him a letter.

 

Nothing heavy. Not begging him back, just now sorry, I miss him and it’s time for me to stop etc.

 

A big part of me wants to send it as closure, but I know no good will come from it.

 

Do I send it?

 

No, definitely not.

 

You need to stop picking at the scab, my friend.

[Minneloa]

What do you hope to achieve by sending the letter?

[riverdeep33]

What do you hope to achieve by sending the letter?

 

I asked myself the same question and I’ve decided not to. I ultimately wanted him to see how sorry I was whilst at the same time know how I feel about him.

 

I guess he knows that and still not interested so I have to stop.

 

I’m still clutching at straws that he will come back and I need some sort of moment of realisation to hit me. 4 months in - it isn’t!

[Minneloa]

This is a wise decision. I am sorry that you are in so much pain. I think that the realization may begin to creep in once you have a sustained period of no contact with him. This shift will not be easy, but ultimately it is important not to dwell in false hope, no matter how comforting it feels.

 

Hugs to you (if that is not too presumptuous),

 

M.

[Zahara]

I asked myself the same question and I’ve decided not to. I ultimately wanted him to see how sorry I was whilst at the same time know how I feel about him.

 

I guess he knows that and still not interested so I have to stop.

 

I’m still clutching at straws that he will come back and I need some sort of moment of realisation to hit me. 4 months in - it isn’t!

 

Wise decision.

 

That realization will come in time. You’re still in some level of denial and hope. When a sense of finality approaches, it will be hard to embrace but that acceptance will help you let go and further progress you into moving on.

 

Stay strong. He knows how you feel. You need to be still and focus forward.