Moving temporarily

[noelle303]

So in about a year's time, September 2019, I will probably have to move to a different country for 6 months to a year for work. I mean, I could say no, but it would be really beneficial for my career and my advancement within my field.

 

The move would be to Switzerland, which is very very far away from where I live.

 

It's a great opportunity, however, I have really put down roots in my city. I have a 7 year old who has so many friends here, she loves her school, she dances and plays piano, she's really thriving here.

 

We also own our own home, she has her dad and his family here who she sees often, my parents live close enough, everything we need is here.

 

So uprooting her for a year and placing her in a strange environment where she doesn't even speak the language is pretty scary. On the other hand - might be a good learning experience for her?

 

I was wondering if anyone ever experienced something like this, whether with their kids or with their parents? How did you find it?

[Mr. Lucky]

I was wondering if anyone ever experienced something like this, whether with their kids or with their parents? How did you find it?

 

My wife, after she retired from teaching, helped a friend open an international school in Asia for a year. And we made the decision to have our youngest son, who was starting 8th grade, go with her and attend school there. I kept my job and our residence here with an older son still at home.

 

It was a life-changing experience for both of them - and to a lesser extent, for me also. My son really blossomed, within a month he was riding the Metro by himself in a foreign city of 20 million people and had made friends from all over the world, some of whom he's still in touch with today. And I visited them five times over the 12 months and we traveled all over the area, an opportunity we'd never have had otherwise. It was eye-opening for all of us in the most positive ways imaginable, you learn there's another world out there that doesn't involve Facebook, Target and Kroegers. They were certainly ready to come home after 12 months but very glad they went.

 

On a side note, I've been to Switzerland many times, it's one of my favorite (expensive!) places in the world. Not only is it beautiful, but its central location and Europe's high-speed rail system means you can get to anywhere in the EU quickly and cost-effectively. And there's very little language barrier in the big cities, many people speak English.

 

So pack your bags, I vote "yes". It's only a year or less and anyone wanting to see you or her can make the trip over. Bon voyage...

 

Mr. Lucky

[merrmeade]

So in about a year's time, September 2019, I will probably have to move to a different country for 6 months to a year for work. I mean, I could say no, but it would be really beneficial for my career and my advancement within my field.

 

The move would be to Switzerland, which is very very far away from where I live.

 

It's a great opportunity, however, I have really put down roots in my city. I have a 7 year old who has so many friends here, she loves her school, she dances and plays piano, she's really thriving here.

 

We also own our own home, she has her dad and his family here who she sees often, my parents live close enough, everything we need is here.

 

So uprooting her for a year and placing her in a strange environment where she doesn't even speak the language is pretty scary. On the other hand - might be a good learning experience for her?

 

I was wondering if anyone ever experienced something like this, whether with their kids or with their parents? How did you find it?

I think it TOTALLY depends on the individual that is your child. They're all different you know. I can see one child adjusting quickly, make friends and even start to speak a little in a year's time while another might pine away at home in shock. You know your child. What is she like? What do you do on your free time together? Does she play with friends a lot? Ask her teachers what they think. Ask friends whose background and knowledge you respect. Can you take a trip to the city you'd be working in and see what the school situation would be like?

[noelle303]

I think it TOTALLY depends on the individual that is your child. They're all different you know. I can see one child adjusting quickly, make friends and even start to speak a little in a year's time while another might pine away at home in shock. You know your child. What is she like? What do you do on your free time together? Does she play with friends a lot? Ask her teachers what they think. Ask friends whose background and knowledge you respect. Can you take a trip to the city you'd be working in and see what the school situation would be like?

 

Oh she is extremely well adjusted and so far never had problems adapting to new environments. As a matter of fact, this year she skipped second grade and went straight to third and had zero problems making new friends and fitting in.

 

She's a very active and sociable child, she takes ballet classes and piano lessons, and plays with friends a lot. We are always busy and always on the go, but there's always been a pretty established routine, so making such a drastic change is of course something completely new and something she has never experienced.

 

It would be kinda hard to go visit where we'd live because it's a different continent, but it's a year away, so there would be time for me to explore school options and find the best one.

 

However, I'll definitely bring this up with her teachers and the school counselor.

 

Lucky, thank you for sharing your experience, that's exactly the kind of thing I look forward to, her widening her horizons, possibly learning a new language and seeing something completely different!

[Art_Critic]

I can see both sides, one side it would open the world for her eyes and the other it would keep her away from her family at such a young age..

 

What does her Dad say ? can you legally do it, or does a divorce agreement allow such a move, as most normally have that legalese in them that prevents it.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I think it would be a great experience for a lot of kids, and it sounds like she's one of them. However, her dad's feelings on the subject matter a lot here, too. Would he be able to visit her at all during that time period?

[noelle303]

I can see both sides, one side it would open the world for her eyes and the other it would keep her away from her family at such a young age..

 

What does her Dad say ? can you legally do it, or does a divorce agreement allow such a move, as most normally have that legalese in them that prevents it.

 

We don't have a divorce agreement cause we were never married, but we do have a custody agreement which would allow me to do this without necessarily having his consent.

 

However, naturally, I wouldn't just tell him "we're leaving, deal with it, bye". I would discuss it with him and ask him his opinion. I do believe he would agree to it under certain conditions, we've mostly been able to rationally talk about things and accommodate each other.

 

I think it would be a great experience for a lot of kids, and it sounds like she's one of them. However, her dad's feelings on the subject matter a lot here, too. Would he be able to visit her at all during that time period?

 

I plan to propose that me and her fly home at any chance we get (christmas, summer, spring break) and if I'm not able to go myself, to send her by herself whenever there's a school break (though I'd have to do research on unaccompanied minor services). I also plan to suggest that I pay for his family to travel and visit when they're able to, so he'll definitely get the chance to see her during this year.

[preraph]

Aside from your own hesitation, I don't think you'll be allowed to just leave the country with your daughter with whom you share custody with her father. All the states have rules that limit moving to within driving distance. I suppose he can give his consent before a judge if he wants to. Or you could leave her there and come visit.

[noelle303]

Aside from your own hesitation, I don't think you'll be allowed to just leave the country with your daughter with whom you share custody with her father. All the states have rules that limit moving to within driving distance. I suppose he can give his consent before a judge if he wants to. Or you could leave her there and come visit.

 

We do not share custody. I have sole legal and physical custody, he has visitation rights every other weekend.

[BaileyB]

Think of it as an adventure!

 

A time limited adventure to a beautiful country... You will have the opportunity to create memories in Europe - take the train on the weekend and go to Paris to see the Eiffel Tower, or take the train to Italy to eat pasta and gelato, visit Germany, Austria, or London! Teach your daughter to ski in the alps - just think of all the wonderful things you can do together that she will carry with her for the rest of your life!

 

And the best part, in six months you will return home to your family and friends, with the memory of all the wonderful adventures you had together in Europe.

 

I would not even think twice! You may never get this experience again. Enjoy!

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

We don't have a divorce agreement cause we were never married, but we do have a custody agreement which would allow me to do this without necessarily having his consent.

 

However, naturally, I wouldn't just tell him "we're leaving, deal with it, bye". I would discuss it with him and ask him his opinion. I do believe he would agree to it under certain conditions, we've mostly been able to rationally talk about things and accommodate each other.

 

 

 

I plan to propose that me and her fly home at any chance we get (christmas, summer, spring break) and if I'm not able to go myself, to send her by herself whenever there's a school break (though I'd have to do research on unaccompanied minor services). I also plan to suggest that I pay for his family to travel and visit when they're able to, so he'll definitely get the chance to see her during this year.

 

My 17 year old minor just flew alone with somewhat good and somewhat bad results! She missed her flight home, despite being walked to the gate by a grandmotherly type my sister (whom she was visiting) found in the check-in line! What we learned AFTER the fact is that you can get a "pass" to walk children to the gate yourself. From there, once on the plane, I'm sure the flight attendants would take great care. If there's a layover with a plane change, obviously you'd want to go with the unaccompanied minor route, which costs money.

[Mr. Lucky]

I plan to propose that me and her fly home at any chance we get (christmas, summer, spring break) and if I'm not able to go myself, to send her by herself whenever there's a school break (though I'd have to do research on unaccompanied minor services). I also plan to suggest that I pay for his family to travel and visit when they're able to, so he'll definitely get the chance to see her during this year.

 

If you go home every chance, you're missing one of the main benefits of being there - the chance to travel and see other countries, all (including the UK) easily reached from Switzerland. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity.

 

I also don't think, given the current vagaries of travel, I'd put a 7-year old on a trans-Atlantic flight by herself. When weather intervenes, flights are diverted to destinations other than originally planned. Let them come visit you, 6-12 months isn't that long.

 

Also, the language barrier may work in reverse. Given children's natural affinity for languages, your daughter may return fluent in French, German or Italian...

 

Mr. Lucky

[BaileyB]

If you go home every chance, you're missing one of the main benefits of being there - the chance to travel and see other countries, all (including the UK) easily reached from Switzerland. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity.

 

I also don't think, given the current vagaries of travel, I'd put a 7-year old on a trans-Atlantic flight by herself.

 

Agree, absolutely.

[merrmeade]

I still would seek advice from experts, too. Her teacher for sure. Maybe ask the school psychologist for a suggestion. Read if you're a reader, online or print, of course.

 

Just prepare yourself to do whatever will make it easier for her. One thing I'm wondering is how long will you be apart every day? Will you be in an office 9 to 5 or something? Where will she go to school and what will she do after school? You have a lot to research.

 

Another thing that I always did as a parent was talk to them before big changes and before every phase of the change, telling them what will happen and how they might feel about it.

 

My kids lived in SE Asia for 3.5 years between the ages of 0-3 (the youngest) and 5-8 (eldest). Going there and the stay was easy and fun for them. We were in a rural setting and they made lots of friends. Returning was the bigger challenge. Leaving that free, natural setting and going to regular school, being in cars or houses all the time, etc. was very hard for the 8-year-old. The younger they are, the less potential for trauma imho.

 

Another thought about the decision: Wouldn't she be more affected by being away from you for a year?

 

Good luck!

[noelle303]

If you go home every chance, you're missing one of the main benefits of being there - the chance to travel and see other countries, all (including the UK) easily reached from Switzerland. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity.

 

I also don't think, given the current vagaries of travel, I'd put a 7-year old on a trans-Atlantic flight by herself. When weather intervenes, flights are diverted to destinations other than originally planned. Let them come visit you, 6-12 months isn't that long.

 

Also, the language barrier may work in reverse. Given children's natural affinity for languages, your daughter may return fluent in French, German or Italian...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I know, I am definitely hoping to squeeze in travel while we're there and I am not happy to send her by herself, but I do have to accommodate her dad. I guess I'll have to talk it out with him and see what he says.

 

I still would seek advice from experts, too. Her teacher for sure. Maybe ask the school psychologist for a suggestion. Read if you're a reader, online or print, of course.

 

Just prepare yourself to do whatever will make it easier for her. One thing I'm wondering is how long will you be apart every day? Will you be in an office 9 to 5 or something? Where will she go to school and what will she do after school? You have a lot to research.

 

Another thing that I always did as a parent was talk to them before big changes and before every phase of the change, telling them what will happen and how they might feel about it.

 

My kids lived in SE Asia for 3.5 years between the ages of 0-3 (the youngest) and 5-8 (eldest). Going there and the stay was easy and fun for them. We were in a rural setting and they made lots of friends. Returning was the bigger challenge. Leaving that free, natural setting and going to regular school, being in cars or houses all the time, etc. was very hard for the 8-year-old. The younger they are, the less potential for trauma imho.

 

Another thought about the decision: Wouldn't she be more affected by being away from you for a year?

 

Good luck!

 

Oh, going without her is not even an option. If she for some reason couldn't go, I'd stay home.

 

As far as how much I'd be working - yes, a lot, but pretty much the same as here. We've always managed to work it out and I'm sure they have good schools with good after-school care. But you're right, I have extensive research to do.

 

And you're right about coming back, I didn't think of that.

[noelle303]

So, just a little update - talked to my daughter's dad on Friday when I dropped her off.

 

He's not over the moon about the move, but he understands that it's a great opportunity for me and for her and since it's only for a year, he agrees.

 

We settled on the two of us flying back home twice during the year and them visiting us twice. So four visits for now, but we'll keep our options open for more visits during the year.

 

I offered to pay for his and his family's (wife and two sons) trip, but he refused, said they'll make their own travel arrangements.

 

So, that's it, I guess we're going. I'll be telling my boss this week and start to plan. There's a ton of things to do - find a good international school, start researching apartment prices in the area and all that jazz.

 

I have to decide what I'm going to do with my house during that time, just leave it empty? I don't know.

 

Also, another huge conversation I have to have - my boyfriend who I imagine also isn't going to be too thrilled.

[Mr. Lucky]

 

Also, another huge conversation I have to have - my boyfriend who I imagine also isn't going to be too thrilled.

 

He doesn’t know? Not that his input would be make or break, but your leaving might have been more palatable for him had he been included in the decision making process.

 

Quite the adventure! Have fun...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Els]

If you were child-free, I would say go, 100%.

 

 

With a child it is a lot trickier. It really depends on how you think it will affect her, which is the most important factor. Please do NOT send her alone on a flight, 7 years old is far too young to fly alone especially when it sounds like she hasn't flown much at all!

[noelle303]

He doesn’t know? Not that his input would be make or break, but your leaving might have been more palatable for him had he been included in the decision making process.

 

Quite the adventure! Have fun...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I know, but our relationship is a little bit different in that aspect. As in...we don't really need to spend that much time together and are not at all dependant on each other.

 

I mean, he'll be finishing up grad school in June and also probably taking a job abroad, so who knows where our relationship will end up.

 

If you were child-free, I would say go, 100%.

 

 

With a child it is a lot trickier. It really depends on how you think it will affect her, which is the most important factor. Please do NOT send her alone on a flight, 7 years old is far too young to fly alone especially when it sounds like she hasn't flown much at all!

 

Yeah, she won't be going alone after all. But she has been on a flight many times, I don't know where you got the impression that she hadn't.