Dodgersfan11 Posted August 25, 2018 Share Posted August 25, 2018 Usually when I first meet new people and start talking, they ask me if I live in a "house or apartment." Which I always thought that of a "financial status" question, obviously if you tell people you live in a house, they are going to assume you have money/have a good job. I just think-they are probing to see if you have money and what to know if you own a house. I have never asked someone what type of place they live in, its just stupid- and useless information, unless they bring up the subject of "oh I just brought my first house" or " my apartment is great" then I don't ask. And I either guess what type of unit they live- if they say they live downtown, then its either a condo/loft/apt, if they live in the suburbs either a house or apartment. And what I don't like is the lecture that they give once I say I live in an "apartment" like owning a house is a better investment, etc, etc. I can't tell if this person is probing to find my financial status or just wanting to have some conversation on living standards? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 25, 2018 Share Posted August 25, 2018 Is it possible that they are just trying to get to know you... I wouldn't draw any conclusions from this question, unless they also asked how much I had in my 401k and whether I had any particularly wealthy, elderly relatives... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted August 25, 2018 Share Posted August 25, 2018 I agree that it's just a question to be asked to get to know you better. It's no different than asking what you do for a living or what town you grew up in. But if you're feeling judged by the person asking then maybe you shouldn't go on any more dates. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 25, 2018 Share Posted August 25, 2018 To some people such questions are invasive, to others not a problem. I've lived all over the place, though never in an apartment or condo. Little houses, big houses, now I call myself trailer trash. The women stay away in droves. Where do you live? In a trailer in the forest. Oh. Heh IMO, people who qualify financials early on are providing great information. They're telling you what's important to them. Money. IME, most presume I'm poor living in a trailer and having no job. I like it that way. I've actually had a lot of fun with it. People being who they really are. What a gift. Now that's just women. Guys, they're different. Typical response from them is 'wife got everything in the divorce?' I nod my head. 'Bummer'..... You can choose to find the questions invansive, not invasive, serious or fun, whatever you want. Ann Lander's/Dear Abby's response of 'Why do you want to know?' works too. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 25, 2018 Share Posted August 25, 2018 You are really jumping to conclusions. Having a house could even mean they're living with their parents and have NO money. Where I live, apartments are more expensive than the mortgage on a house. Where you live gives them an idea of your lifestyle. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted August 25, 2018 Share Posted August 25, 2018 Well, I'll go against the flow here. My first thought would be that yes, they were trying to figure out where you are financially, or at least how settled you are. A just getting to know you question to me would be more about what area you live in (although that can also give financial clues) not specifically HOW i live. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 25, 2018 Share Posted August 25, 2018 where you live says a lot about your financial situation Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dodgersfan11 Posted August 26, 2018 Author Share Posted August 26, 2018 This isn't about my "dates" that are asking-it has nothing to do with dates, or men, just in the first stage when it comes to making new friends is where this question is asked. For me, when I socialize with other people, I could care less what type of unit they live in. But that's just me? I just think its a nosy question to ask-what would it matter? I mean, the only question that's reasonable to ask and to assume where someone is in life FINANCIALLY is, "What kind of work do you do for a living?" Depending on what type of job they do- I already know where they are in life. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 26, 2018 Share Posted August 26, 2018 To me the biggest difference I see in the question is one of settling down and setting your roots... While it could be a money question it wouldn't be a good one since many people who are doing pretty good live in Apartments. I see a house as settled down, apartment as transitional... I have lived in both, that is why I feel that way because that is what happened to me when I bought my first house, settled down and set my roots but when I was living in an apartment I was transitional... Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted August 26, 2018 Share Posted August 26, 2018 I think all the posts here can apply equally to platonic friendships or dating relationships. I tend to ask probing questions of everyone if we talk for any length of time - but realizing others might be offended I preface it with acknowledgment that I don't mean to be nosy, it's just how I get to know someone. If it's really offensive to you then that means you just decline to answer and accept that you probably aren't going to click with the other person, whether in a platonic or romantic way. Move along. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 26, 2018 Share Posted August 26, 2018 Another way to come at it is tell her, Oh, no, it's not plus one. I only have so much room and I feel I'm at my limit, but if I had room for one more, I'd invite (insert name of person you'd rather invite) and this makes it clear you're the one who gets to do the inviting, not her. Link to post Share on other sites
Vesna Posted September 12, 2018 Share Posted September 12, 2018 In the city where I live, people are living in tents and the rents have skyrocketed. Also, short stay accommodation has led to short-term leases. If anyone asks me where/how I live, I do get antsy because I suspect they are looking for a room. It is outright presumptuous. For as long as I have my good health and easy lifestyle, I will continue to live alone. Oh, then they ask "How can you live that way?" "How do you sleep on your own?" "Couldn't you use the extra money?" My answers are 1. Very happily. 2. Very soundly. 3. I could always use the extra money but I am not that strapped. Nobody can talk me into letting out my spare room. Not now, not ever. I understand that their situation is a bad one but my situation would be much worse if someone lived with me and upended my fragile, brittle, disciplined and structured life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted September 12, 2018 Share Posted September 12, 2018 i don't feel its invasive its just a simple question ...if you feel uncomfortable....ask if it makes a difference....you will probably find they answer with a..." no its just a question"....deb Link to post Share on other sites
shydad Posted September 19, 2018 Share Posted September 19, 2018 they ask me if I live in a "house or apartment." Internally, I bristle at this question, and its sister question, "Do you rent or own?" I tell coworkers "I would prefer no to talk about that." Without hesitation, if a woman I want to date asks, I tell her ALL of the details, as she deserves to know. I have never asked anyone this question, as it is completely unimportant for what I'm looking for, in any type of relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
HiCrunchy Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 depends on where you live. in big cities for example, people most people live in apartments. Link to post Share on other sites
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