My boyfriend didn't give me anything for my birthday. Is this a red flag?

[Lillyb]

My boyfriend of almost 10 months didn't get me anything for my birthday. My birthday was about over a week ago and he did say happy birthday to me on the day of it (we couldn't see each other in person, but he was nice enough to message me it). But then the next few times he saw me recently he didn't give me anything? What's weird is that a few days before my birthday, he initiated or hinted that he was going to give me a present. But he never brought anything up since then.

Honestly my friends and everyone are making it a big deal, but is it really? And if it is, how should I confront him?

Thank you guys!

I'm not a materialistic person nor do I feel like he is obligated to giving me a present but I'm just feeling crappy somehow that he didn't. Maybe because I gave him something for his birthday or because I feel like he doesn't care about me?

[FMW]

Does he spend money on you otherwise (going to dinner or events, flowers, etc.)? Maybe he's just cheap, or maybe he's on a tight budget?

 

Sometimes guys really can be kind of clueless about what makes us feel cared for, especially if they aren't experienced with having a girlfriend.

[guest569]

I think that's pretty poor of him. Present doesn't have to cost lots of money.

[BaileyB]

I wouldn't be very happy if my boyfriend of almost a year didn't do anything to celebrate my birthday; a gift, take me out for dinner, spend a day together.

[Redhead14]

You should let him know how you feel about it. "Hey, xname, I'm a little disappointed that we didn't do anything special on my birthday. Birthdays are something I look forward to."

[Lillyb]

Does he spend money on you otherwise (going to dinner or events, flowers, etc.)? Maybe he's just cheap, or maybe he's on a tight budget?

 

Sometimes guys really can be kind of clueless about what makes us feel cared for, especially if they aren't experienced with having a girlfriend.

 

We don't really go out to dinner or events often. But what's weird is that he has given me a Christmas present before.

He has a job that pays well and he isn't exactly as you classify as not experienced. He has a lot of experience with girls.

[BaileyB]

We don't really go out to dinner or events often. But what's weird is that he has given me a Christmas present before.

 

That was before you had sex, right? As my boyfriend would say, "I was still trying to get into your pants then..."

 

Most definitely, tell him how you feel. He needs to know what you expect. Maybe birthdays are not a big thing for him... Perhaps, they are not a big deal to you either but, it's not wrong to expect that he will buy you a little something, take you out, celebrate your day in some special way...

[Redhead14]

We don't really go out to dinner or events often. But what's weird is that he has given me a Christmas present before.

He has a job that pays well and he isn't exactly as you classify as not experienced. He has a lot of experience with girls.

 

 

He has a lot of experience with girls.-- Perhaps you are seeing why he has so much experience . . . he doesn't know how to treat them.

[alphamale]

be on the lookout, he may be getting ready to dump you

[losangelena]

be on the lookout, he may be getting ready to dump you

 

Not necessarily. I had a guy dump me six weeks after buying me a $400 watch for my birthday. One doesn't always have anything to do with the other.

[mortensorchid]

Have you talked about gifting in the past? Gifting can be a tricky thing in many ways. I am a gifter but I try not to go overboard on it (learned the hard way in many situations). Here is what I think of gifting as it applies to you and your SO:

 

1) Holidays - I have been with people in the past who hate holidays / occasions. Why? There could be a million reasons why they do. If that is the case, don't expect to get something from him on smaller holidays, but do expect a little something on a bigger one (Christmas, birthday, Valentine's Day).

 

2) The type of gift - This is not a gold digger thing, but the type of gift matters. If he gives you something practical (ex. a blender) rather than a romantic gift (ex. flowers) that means that he cares for you but he's not that serious about you. It also doesn't matter how expensive it is or is not. A man who wants to show his love does it with a loving gift rather than something practical. Take into account some things that may be an inside joke between the two of you - Many years ago my high school sweetheart and I gave each other spatulas on Valentine's Day as a joke from the Weird Al Yankovich movie UHF - and that's fine, but with a serious relationship one has to take things into account. Sure enough, the love of my life gave me flowers on Valentine's Day, by Christmas he gave me a cookie jar. We aren't together anymore.

 

3) Nothing at all - Does he say "I love you" or take you places anyway? Does he do thoughtful things without there being a holiday / occasion? If he does nothing at all he's expecting you to take care of things in that department, expecting you to also not acknowledge things, and be okay with it. Are you okay with it? It doens't sound like.

 

He did acknowledge it by saying happy birthday to you on the day itself but he was unable to be there on the day itself. That's good but ... Not great.

 

I do see this as a red flag.

[guest569]

We don't really go out to dinner or events often. But what's weird is that he has given me a Christmas present before.

He has a job that pays well and he isn't exactly as you classify as not experienced. He has a lot of experience with girls.

 

Oh this guy sucks. My first boyfriend bought me a big expensive telescope for my birthday and took me out for dinner. That was 7 months in. My recent bf got me a gift and took me to our fave restaurant. No this guy sucks. I would be sad and peeved. Maybe I'm immature and bratty.

[Desesperado]

Whatever the theories, his family habits of maybe not gifting or I don't know, you're not his cousin or friend, you're his GF !

Not even having the idea to bring flowers, if finding something was too complicated for him, or card with a nice text, seems pretty stupid to me.

 

You don't want men to read your mind or have crazy expectations, but seriously on you bday, it's not crazy to expect BF to ackowledge you as important by giving a gift however small or cheap.

I wouldn't judge too quickly but one can wonder, what is the furture going to be, with a guy that hasn't the clue to treat his GF on her bday !?

 

For christmas I gave my ex, a nice mechanical Longines watch because I work for watchmaking industry, still quite pricy gift but I was very much in love. What did she give me you might wonder,

I got wooden cooking spoons... I shouldn't have been surprised when she voiced her concerns 2 weeks later and it was the end.

 

Talk to the guy, but I surely don't think this is a good sign.

Edited August 26, 2018 by Desesperado

[guest569]

 

For christmas I gave my ex, a nice mechanical Longines watch because I work for watchmaking industry, still quite pricy gift but I was very much in love. What did she give me you might wonder,

I got wooden cooking spoons... I shouldn't have been surprised when she voiced her concerns 2 weeks later and it was the end.

 

You win the wooden spoon. How fitting!

 

Hmm you would think the guy would at the least buy her some flowers.

[Desesperado]

You win the wooden spoon. How fitting!

 

Hmm you would think the guy would at the least buy her some flowers.

 

Maybe I'm idealistic or delusional who knows, but she showed so many overwhelming qualities, that it pissed me off really bad, accepting the gift while later she told me it had been weeks she had doubts.

In her shoes I would honestly give such gift back at the very least.

[basil67]

For starters, you don't confront him. Instead, you talk to him about how you feel. If gift giving is important to you, it's OK to tell him this.

[MisshapenCloud]

Some people are just wrapped up in their own world and don't put X and Y together like in this situation.

 

Like it's amazing how far a $5 thing of flowers from Walmart, which are situated near the registers anyway, go in making a girl feel special. But you have to learn to keep her in mind and give yourself permission to do that kind of thing.

 

Honestly I feel like not getting a birthday present for your girlfriend seems pretty selfish. If he doesn't have enough money to get a present, I'd look at life choices and try to overcome whatever's wrong so he can afford to get you something. If he can afford it, he might need to have a conversation with himself about his priorities and his commitment to this relationship. From your perspective, I would definitely treat this like a red flag. The present doesn't matter. The unwillingness to commit to common sense stuff like a birthday present after nearly going out for a year seems to be alarming.

[d0nnivain]

My husband's family doesn't "do" birthdays & Christmas. I prefer to make a fuss & that has always been my family tradition. We both had to educate each other about our expectations. I'm still in the dog house with some of his family members because I send them Christmas gifts & now they feel obligated. I keep telling them they are not.

 

Anyway, do tell your BF that his failure to acknowledge the date with anything more then words upset you. See what his reaction is. Make sure that you assure him that it's not about the cost / value of the gift but the idea that he was paying attention to you.

 

Hope it works out.

[alphamale]

I remember around 20 years ago I gave my girlfriend a clock radio for her birthday (she needed it). She was sooo pissed off, she threw the clock radio at my head and luckily I ducked quickely enough. I thought it was a thoughtful gift but she did not. From then on I just got her flowers for every occasion to be safe and not get put in the dog house.

[brigit87]

My boyfriend of almost 10 months didn't get me anything for my birthday. My birthday was about over a week ago and he did say happy birthday to me on the day of it (we couldn't see each other in person, but he was nice enough to message me it). But then the next few times he saw me recently he didn't give me anything? What's weird is that a few days before my birthday, he initiated or hinted that he was going to give me a present. But he never brought anything up since then.

Honestly my friends and everyone are making it a big deal, but is it really? And if it is, how should I confront him?

Thank you guys!

I'm not a materialistic person nor do I feel like he is obligated to giving me a present but I'm just feeling crappy somehow that he didn't. Maybe because I gave him something for his birthday or because I feel like he doesn't care about me?

 

I'd break up with him.

 

No questions asked. Block everything and don't look back.

[basil67]

I remember around 20 years ago I gave my girlfriend a clock radio for her birthday (she needed it). She was sooo pissed off, she threw the clock radio at my head and luckily I ducked quickely enough. I thought it was a thoughtful gift but she did not. From then on I just got her flowers for every occasion to be safe and not get put in the dog house.

 

I got an iron once....

 

I now have a rule that my gifts cannot have power cords attached unless they fall into the IT or audio categories.

[preraph]

You said you unfortunately couldn't see him on your birthday, so what was that about? Maybe he planned on taking you to a nice dinner but then you said , Oh, I can't, I'm going to my parents or friends or whatever it is. Maybe he felt like you didn't want to spend your birthday with him so he didn't know what to do. Did he say anything about you not spending your birthday with him?

[Gaeta]

Time to have an honest and open conversation about your expectations and hit the compromise button if you think he's worth it. I was in your shoes almost 3 years ago when my b'day came by and my new BF announced to me he doesn't do b'days, gifts and holidays. It was a big shock to me as it had always been important to me. We spoke about it once, twice, 3 times, we spoke about it from top to bottom and from left to right. We've been dating 3 years and I am doing great with no b'day or xmas gift. I am doing great because my BF is a man that gives 100% of himself to our relationship, he's generous, helpful, patient, present, supportive and the list goes on. He takes me out, he buys me gifts but they're not planned ahead like on b'days and xmas.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

Some people are just wrapped up in their own world and don't put X and Y together like in this situation.

 

Like it's amazing how far a $5 thing of flowers from Walmart, which are situated near the registers anyway, go in making a girl feel special. But you have to learn to keep her in mind and give yourself permission to do that kind of thing.

 

Honestly I feel like not getting a birthday present for your girlfriend seems pretty selfish. If he doesn't have enough money to get a present, I'd look at life choices and try to overcome whatever's wrong so he can afford to get you something. If he can afford it, he might need to have a conversation with himself about his priorities and his commitment to this relationship. From your perspective, I would definitely treat this like a red flag. The present doesn't matter. The unwillingness to commit to common sense stuff like a birthday present after nearly going out for a year seems to be alarming.

 

This is so true! I have found there is balance when spoiling your SO. Not taking you out or even gifting you anything is a huge red flag. Showing you care doesn't have to cost a lot of money. Despite only going out for couple months, my bf made my birthday a special day, something I hadn't experienced before from other guys.

 

He isn't going to change and if you are willing to stick w/him, this is how your life is going to be: him not making an effort on your special days. Be prepared for that. Honestly I don't think talking to him is going to do anything, he has to do these things w/out you telling or hinting. I have never observed people in loving relationships having to ask for their man (or woman) to do something special for them. For me personally, I would find a guy who will do things for you.

[Els]

You don't have to "confront him", but you should tell him that you feel a bit sad that he didn't do anything. His response will tell you what you need to know.