I feel like I need a man in order to be happy...

[Ms.Jazzy]

Don't really know where to start but I feel really confused with some light anxiety. Most of my life I've been somewhat of a loner with very few friends. I've dated on and off periodically over the years but I always felt my happiest when I had someone in my life and none of the guys I ever dated haven't really been good catches honestly.My last serious relationship was earlier this year where I was dating a man for about two years only for him to eventually leave me and go back to his previous ex which hurt me deeply. The pain doesn't hurt as much as when he left me but I still feel bitter and hurt. Last time I checked on them I find out my ex is engaged to her. I've tried moving forward dating and honestly I had stopped looking. It became very tiring never meeting anyone I connect with and most of the guys only seem interested in having sex with me. Recently I began liking a fellow co-worker at my job and I felt like there was something there between us and he was flirting with me heavy only for me to find out he was married. Even though I didn't know him that well that really seemed to sting really hard for me. It's also made me uncomfortable at work giving the fact I have to see him.

 

I'm really jaded and tired because I honestly just want someone in my life that actually respects me and loves me but I think the deeper issue is I don't know how to be happy by myself. I've tried going to the gym and trying to go out more but I still feel like there's a void that's been missing in my life and I really don't know what it is.I feel completely bored with everything and I feel annoyed being around most people so I just usually stay to myself. Sadly I feel like the only thing that would make me happy is if my ex realized he wanted me and came back into my life but I know in a million years that will never happen and that he's moved on. So now I feel lost.. I've started drinking a little bit more and I started smoking weed. I feel like those things are the only thing that really seems to soothe my soul right now..

[oasis]

I understand how you feel. At times not having a relationship could feel quite lonely. It seems like when you are actively looking, nothing seems to happen. But when you stop and try to enjoy your life with friends and activities you appear more attractive to people, including members of the opposite sex.

 

My suggestion is for you to become more involved in physical activities. Join Meetups in your area and explore your hobbies. In other words, put yourself out there and you will start to meet people which might in turn lead to you finding a partner.

 

Good luck!

[caveman621]

Agree with Oasis. I know how painful emotions keep rising up and you tell yourself to let them go and just not think about it any longer, but that's tough to do!!!!

 

But...what do you do with your time? Unless your work is overwhelming, do you sit home and watch TV? I have a full life since my divorce and re-marriage. A lot going on! But I think it would be a good idea for you to find some local meetup groups or pursue a passion and just let things happen.

[Chilli]

Tough one to explain this sorta stuff.

The loner thing l'm pretty well a loner , l've always known people but not really into friends , well show me a good friend a real friend and l might be but l'm in general not fussed with people.

But l still somehow managed to get myself hitched and gf's and what have you.

 

lt is really good for you though if you can find even one person you enjoy seeing regular even once a week or whatever , sit around, talk, or do somem. Also get out and about , doesn't have to be gym never even been into one it'd bore me shytless too just something you like.

 

Sorry about the ex, l dunno how ex's manage that but tthey always seem too.

 

loners are often partner people, there's nothing wrong with that, and they make unreal partners too.

Hang in there , live life for you, the right one will come along.

Edited August 27, 2018 by Chilli

[Eternal Sunshine]

I fill the void by finding more challenging jobs. I don't have time for anything else but eating and sleeping. Since I am interacting with a large number of people every day, there is no time to feel lonely.

 

 

You can also lower your standards and find someone that you can just about tolerate. Give it a few months. You will be thrilled to be single again.

[Ms.Jazzy]

Thanks everyone for the replies. I guess I'm really at a point where I am lost. I'm trying to be more social and go out more. This is probably unhealthy but I at least go to a bar just about everyday to drink a few cocktails until I feel a buzz. I find that I'm more social when I'm tipsy. Sometimes men and women strike up a conversation with me while at the bar. Even got a few numbers but I never follow through. Hate to be picky but I find a lot of people to be superficial and lack depth. I guess this adds to my loneliness because I find it hard to be around someone I can tolerate. I'm not saying I'm better than anyone else but I just wish I could CONNECT with someone. Perfect example I hung out with a friend at a mall recently and even though it was good to see her we have different life experiences. She's married with children so the whole time she talked about her husband and children which is fine however I felt somewhat bored ready to leave, Not to mention it made me realize how lonely I am with her constant talk about her husband. I'm really trying to find my true purpose on earth and my passion but it seems hard as nothing is really coming to me but I'm trying.

[preraph]

Honestly, you need to work on being interested in people a little. I get it about your married friend with kids. That's her whole life now, and not much for you to relate to. But people who are strangers, you are not giving them a chance to even find out who they are. Most people are not just shallow nothings. Now, true, if you're meeting men in bars, mostly they may just want sex, but that's something all women have to filter out if they don't want it. You need to give some people a chance and ask questions about them and find out what else there is to them.