Why does he act clingy despite not wanting to commit?

[XForeverstardust]

I started talking to this dude and he would talk to me all lovey dovey as if we were soul mates, extremely sweet and sentimental messages. We hung out after a month of talking and I didn't think he was exactly feeling it because he became slightly distant. Than I confronted him about the whole thing and he said how he is not ready for commitment and it's best if we don't take things further ("I just think it is better for both of us to not go any further because I feel like I'm really not ready at all. I don't want to pretend that I am ready just to make you happy because I don't want to end up hurting you")

 

Ever since he told me he didn’t wanna commit. That exact moment I lost all my romantic feelings for him and it’s nearly impossible for me to get emotionally attached to him now. I’ve been in this exact position before where the guy couldn’t commit and my mistake was convincing myself that it will all change. However because I learnt that it’s impossible for that to occur, I simply killed off whatever feelings I had for him so I don’t have to mentally and emotionally torture myself again. If he were to leave or date someone else, I wouldn’t be hurt

 

 

I literally thought after he gave me the message saying that he does not want to pursue things further that it was all completely over (that message was sent over a month ago). However the next day after that he starts talking to me and said "You’re really nice to talk to and i don't intend to stop talking to you." For me whenever someone starts ignoring me it will kill the vibe and I lose interest. I tried ending the conversation (with conversation Enders like “oh I see” or “oh ok”, things you can’t respond to) many times but he would manage to continue it. He constantly texts me like every hour. And when I try to end the convo he always asks if everything is ok and if I leave him on read he gets pissed off and thinks I'm cutting him out. Last time we got into an argument and than I gave him a response and passed out (fell asleep), he responded to my message and than sends a follow up 20 mins later assuming I was ignoring him and don't want to talk to him anymore. If an argument breaks out he will keep arguing back and forth with long messages (usually guys give a one worded response and disappear until things cool down). Than sends a long apology the next day. And says follow ups like “If you dont want to talk to me anymore i would understand.” And when you go like 6 hours without texting he says “I’ve been waiting all day for you to reply”. If he doesn't respond for a couple of hours he would ALWAYS apologize (which is sweet but at the same time, is it necessary?)

My friend analyzed the messages (because I wanted to make sure I wasn't overthinking) she said: he's honestly really confusing because he says he does not want to date but yet he's overly clingy and attached.... The other day I told him how he always apologizes for things as little as responding late and how my girl friends don't even take the time to give me long text response. His response "TBH I feel like you deserve my attention and I really like talk to you." Last time I told him I was hanging out with someone (just a friend) he goes like "Oh so you're telling me that you have a thing with them too?" To test him out, I randomly told him how I was going to see another guy later in the night and he got all pissed off and was like "And woow are you serious? I know thats not true. You always keep telling me that you dont talk to other dudes and blablabla" I don't understand why he refuses to commit and make an official relationship but expects me to stay loyal and not talk to other guys or hang out with potential partners.

[ExpatInItaly]

This man?: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/663163-does-mean-he-s-clingy-needy

 

He doesn't sound particularly emotionally stable. His ego is doing the talking and you need to disengage with him. People like this are best avoided.

Edited August 26, 2018 by ExpatInItaly

[XForeverstardust]

This man?: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/663163-does-mean-he-s-clingy-needy

 

He doesn't sound particularly emotionally stable. His ego is doing the talking and you need to disengage with him. People like this are best avoided.

 

 

Yes! I needed to give a background on what happened before because honestly he's beyond confusing and causes too much stress

[stillafool]

He has put you in the friend zone. I don't understand why you don't just tell him that you are not interested in a friendship and you would like to cease contact. I don't blame you if you want more from a man just tell him this communicating like this isn't working for you so good bye and good luck. Why be confrused and stressed over someone who has told you that they don't want a relationship with you, just end it.

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes! I needed to give a background on what happened before because honestly he's beyond confusing and causes too much stress

 

His behaviour is manipulative and controlling. There is no reason for him to be messaging you all the time and quizzing you on who you might be seeing, and it's not wise to keep responding to him or trying to provoke or test him.

 

And seriously, he feels you "deserve" his attention? Dude is up his own arse, here.

 

Stop talking to him. He's got a screw loose somewhere.

[hippychick3]

This is completely a waste of time and energy. His behavior is all about his ego. No matter how much he texts you or gets mad that you didn't text him back does not negate the FACT that he does NOT want a relationship with you. Tell him you're not interested in being friends and cut him off before you get emotionally attached to an emotionally unavailable person.

[XForeverstardust]

This is completely a waste of time and energy. His behavior is all about his ego. No matter how much he texts you or gets mad that you didn't text him back does not negate the FACT that he does NOT want a relationship with you. Tell him you're not interested in being friends and cut him off before you get emotionally attached to an emotionally unavailable person.

 

 

His behavior is so disgusting and annoying, it's nearly impossible for me to get emotionally invested in him or catch feelings for him. I low key want to cut him off, any advice on how?

[hippychick3]

His behavior is so disgusting and annoying, it's nearly impossible for me to get emotionally invested in him or catch feelings for him. I low key want to cut him off, any advice on how?

 

Just tell him that you would prefer not to be friends and to please not contact you anymore. You have no hard feelings and wish him well. Then block him if he continues to bother you.

[preraph]

He is just wasting your time. He may be getting himself off and maybe that's all he can handle. You should just cut him off and stop thinking about him. When a guy tells you they're not ready, they're not ready.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

This man?: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/663163-does-mean-he-s-clingy-needy

 

He doesn't sound particularly emotionally stable. His ego is doing the talking and you need to disengage with him. People like this are best avoided.

 

Yes! Yes! Yes! I went out w/a dude like this. Lovey dovey, lies about deleting me off his social media, then begs to be in my life when I prepare to be done w/him and disappears once I try to reconcile w/him.

 

 

All these actions point to feeding an ego and these types of people don't care who they hurt or use for that boost. Best thing is to stop all contact and not give them a chance to hurt you.

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes! Yes! Yes! I went out w/a dude like this. Lovey dovey, lies about deleting me off his social media, then begs to be in my life when I prepare to be done w/him and disappears once I try to reconcile w/him.

 

 

All these actions point to feeding an ego and these types of people don't care who they hurt or use for that boost. Best thing is to stop all contact and not give them a chance to hurt you.

 

Exactly. I have an ex who was like this.

 

OP, believe me when I say it's not a road you want to continue traveling.

[marky00]

This man?: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/663163-does-mean-he-s-clingy-needy

 

He doesn't sound particularly emotionally stable. His ego is doing the talking and you need to disengage with him. People like this are best avoided.

 

Yeah he sounds totally ego driven to me. Could get bad for you if your feelings increase.

 

Maybe you could try and disengage somewhat, let him have the tantrums and teach him a pattern that you don't converse with people just to satisfy their ego.

 

If the conversation gets more genuine or legit, maybe you could re-assess. But I very much doubt that will happen.

Edited August 27, 2018 by marky00

[Mrin]

He's a low confidence dude who wants some orbiters as an ego stroke. Block and move on.

[ExpatInItaly]

I low key want to cut him off, any advice on how?

 

Tell him you don't wish to continue communicating as it's clear you don't want the same things, and it's best to part ways. Then stop responding to him. Don't respond to his protests or arguments, because he is almost surely going to throw another hissy fit. Don't answer to it or argue back. If he doesn't get the hint, block him.

 

People like him don't respond to subtle cues that you don't want to talk. They either don't get it, or they don't care. My sense is he falls in to the latter category.

[glows]

Very emotionally manipulative. Why you even wasted precious seconds after the first instance of nonsense is beyond me. No one should be wasting life over this. Move on.

 

I suspect that if you're sourcing for LDR relationships there's presumably something the matter with you too. People don't naturally look for normal functioning relationships long distance. Try and be more honest with yourself and cut out these self-sabotaging situations and decisions.