Mr.P Posted September 6, 2005 Share Posted September 6, 2005 Just as I was starting to feel better, I get another apologetic message off her one night saying how it wasn't my fault we broke up, she had issues she needed to sort out and looked in to things too deeply. She was selfish etc etc. She also said that it didn't look like things are going to work with her new bf (Woohoo!!!), but she's persistent and will try and make it work. After I replied to that she confessed she still has feelings for me, she called but I did not answer. told her by txt I did not want to. She replied saying it could be too late then. Now that made me curious and I asked her to call if she wanted to which she did the next day. We both avoided the issues really and just had a civilised chat. I met her for lunch (reluctantly) and she was very close and flirty etc etc, and that night sent me a message in German saying "I love you". The flirting carried on and I had to ask her if she really does still love me. She said she didn't know. She wanted to come and see me that night (day before she went on holiday) but she couldn't get a car in time. We chatted on the phone for 1 hour 40 minutes, she asked me what one of my/our friends thought about her and her new bf and I told them the truth. They were disgusted with her. I txt her later on telling her it's more to do with him than her, she got upset and said she was really stressed out and needed this holiday. She started calling me by my pet name like she used to while we were together. She txt me every night whilst on holiday, and when she got back, 30 mins after she landed got a message from her then as well ! She came to see me on Thursday night, again like old times and when she got home I asked her where all this flirting, being dirty, closeness etc etc was leading. She said I must have got the wrong impression about her that night, just friends is all we can be right now. She is seeing this other git and she's happy, it's all where she wants to be right now. All we can be is freinds. I emailled her telling her I want nothing to do with her yet again and that the was really mean doing what she did to me. I saw her on Sunday and I had no choice but to completely ignore her. She did not look happy at all apparently, and 20 mins after I left a club, she did too and left her bf there. I also sent her another email this morning basically making her aware of what she has got herself involved in, and I also sent her a txt to tell her I'd emailled her. Haven't heard from her at all since. I am now confused whether I have done the right thing telling her that I can't be friends with her whilst she is dating someone else, or whether I should just be there for her. I do want her back, she has been manipulated by her new bf (I've known him for 11yrs, I know what he's like) and is only dating her bcos she was mine. The suspense is killing me !! What should I do ?? I want her back, that is my goal, not going to find someone else. Pls help !! Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 6, 2005 Share Posted September 6, 2005 You won't get her back while she is seeing someone else. Take a hardline stance of NC until she purges herself of this guy. Don't be her backup plan.. show some self respect for yourself. NC.. until you feel that you can act without reacting Link to post Share on other sites
sanne Posted September 6, 2005 Share Posted September 6, 2005 yea don't let this crazy girl play mind games with you. take control of this situation and do not contact her at all anymore until she grows up. also, she's seeing someone else so why would you even want to get involved with her at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr.P Posted September 6, 2005 Author Share Posted September 6, 2005 I just want her back ! That's why I've been foolish enough to get involved with her again. She still has feelings for me and I don't want them to go away for when this farce of a relationship is over. I will now be going down the NC route, I don't want to though bcos I feel I should be doing something to put this right and not walk away from it. Thanks for your replies :-) Link to post Share on other sites
pippen_2k Posted September 6, 2005 Share Posted September 6, 2005 Your texting her and e mailing her way too much it seems! Back right off if you want a chance. Im sure you have been at this forum long enough now to see how all these scenerio's work out.. The way she is acting is a carbon copy to about 100 other situations that ive read here, and they all end out the same if you keep going down this path. Dont be a victim to the biggest cop out statement of all time . e.g " I dont know what I want ", or " Im really confused at the moment ". If you hear any of those BS statements your just getting dumped slowly, and it will cause you a painfull and slow death. She has 2 guys under her little finger right now, so what are you gonna do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr.P Posted September 7, 2005 Author Share Posted September 7, 2005 Yeh I know I was texting and emailling her a lot, but after I found that she was stringing me along I've told her she'll be getting the Spanish Archer treatment if she carries on like this. Only until she dumps her new bf will I be able to be frineds with her (she knows I want to be more than that though). Just by her saying "Just friends is all we can be for now, please don't let it get in the way of our friendship"..... For Now ?? Am I right in assuming that I'm her back up plan ?!?!? It is a similar situation to most, an I've just read the post from someone who has their ex back after NC, so that's given me more of a positive attitude! Pippen, you're spot on in all that you've wrote, thanks. I'll keep up the NC, if she replies, I won't reply back, I might not see her at all for 2 weeks now, hopefully she'll use the time to take a look at herself. Link to post Share on other sites
Baz Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 Get on with life. Remain aloof yet cordial and friendly. Give nothing away. Let your actions do the talking not your mouth. Show her in who you are and what you are that you are a better person than her current bf. After that it is down to her who she wants to be with. What do you care? You have pride I hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr.P Posted September 15, 2005 Author Share Posted September 15, 2005 She txt me last week asking for us to "talk" in person. I agreed as there were a few things I wanted to say to her. When I did see her, as soon as she saw me she broke down in to tears saying all kinds to me about how much of an arse I was to her (but that was way before we tried again for the last time!) I asked what her reasons were for calling it quits and she then got in her car and sped off. About half an hour later I got another txt off her asking if I was free. I said I was, then 10 minutes later she knocks on my door suggesting we go for a drive and a talk. It was a bit more civil this time, I asked why we broke up again and she said she doesn't know. She had her reasons at the time but she can't remember what they were (Yeh right, whatever!!). She also said her new bf had nothing to do with it, she was not interested in him at all whilst we were dating. Before she wanted to talk, I emailled her just to inform her what her new bf had told one of my friends. It wasn't nice what he said and has done, and I had to tell her because he was hiding it from her. Anyway, while we were talking she told me that she dumped him because of this, but he said he would change and she accepted that and got back with him. I got another txt off her that night saying that if he goes back to the way he was, she isn't going to waste her time with him. And when I said I was looking forward to the day that we could put all this behind us and start afresh, she said "Who knows, maybe?!". Spoke to her yesterday about something this weekend, but I interupted her and said I was going away. So I'll probably hear from her again on Saturday night (She can't go for more than 3 days without contacting me in some way lol). So I made her aware of the history me and her bf have, and that upset her so much she dumped him. But he has promised to change and she has taken him back on that pretense. Next time he steps out of line he's gone. Still going down the NC route though, seems to really frustrate her us not talking. I guess I'm on here now asking you all what I can do to get her back, without snooping round her bf cos I am not going to do that, and also without talking to her!! Waddya reckon ?? Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted September 15, 2005 Share Posted September 15, 2005 I'm sure you have been at this forum long enough now to see how all these scenario's work out.. The way she is acting is a carbon copy to about 100 other situations that Ive read here, and they all end out the same if you keep going down this path. Sadly that is true. Still going down the NC route though, huh? You text, you talk, you go for drives, she speeds away, you text some more.... And all the while she's seeing some other guy? hardly what I would call NC. What should I do ?? I want her back, that is my goal,... All I gotta say is the way you're going about this has disaster written all over it. You need to grow a spine mate. ...not going to find someone else. What? Never ever? Come on, you know that ain't true. She might come around one day, but now is certainly not the right time. Link to post Share on other sites
darkie-due Posted September 15, 2005 Share Posted September 15, 2005 What should I do ?? I want her back, that is my goal, not going to find someone else. Pls help !! Due to personal experiences it's best to advise you that people who settle for something until something better comes along those kind of relationships don't last. All you can do is say that you only want her to be happy. It may be hard to be there for her as just friends when she is seeing something else. This may be kind of hard to hear but kind of hoping that they'd break up so she can be with you... it doesn't always work like that unfortanately. I don't think that you'll get her back but heres hoping i'm wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Baz Posted September 15, 2005 Share Posted September 15, 2005 Blue Chocolate is right. I was in the same deluded state this week that you are now. Stop being Mr nice guy. I did that. She loves it. Go and look at my recent post, I had some good responses there that reminded me that I was being pulled back into "the dance". If you dont know what that is look up "narsissitic pesonality disorder". It will scare your pants off boy. I had to find my spine yesterday and have now asked her to leave me alone for good. Man it is tough but guess what, deep down it is without doubt the only way. This chick is pissing you around. Believe it sunshine cos it will destroy you if you dont. Link to post Share on other sites
mr. nobody Posted September 16, 2005 Share Posted September 16, 2005 Hmm you know I read your guys posts. You know at one point my ex was telling me I met this guy, oh hes so spirtual etc etc. I said he sounds great, I hope it works out for you. And thats what you should say, then turn around and walk away. Look, maybe I try to get exes back, but generally they didnt leave me for some other bozo. But if they were with someone else and kept contacting me, Id take it as a sign of weakness on thier part. And Id try to exploit that. Ie making out with them etc.. NC... half you people on here dont even know what the idea of that is or how to implement it. Basically, the idea is you want what you cant have. Then you would at least speak to them but be somewhat unavailable. The best is if you go out with them and they have a really awesome time, and then u let them chase you.. Thats right chase you. Growing up an ugly kid, you have no choice but to let women pursue you cause otherwise your not sure if they like you or not. Personally I get tired of women yapping about some boyfriend or ex.. I have one friend that does that to me lately, I just end up trying to exploit the situation. Thats right, EXPLOIT So maybe next time lil miss ex comes a calling try to make some moves.. ok?? Link to post Share on other sites
fundamental Posted September 18, 2005 Share Posted September 18, 2005 It was a bit more civil this time, I asked why we broke up again and she said she doesn't know. She had her reasons at the time but she can't remember what they were (Yeh right, whatever!!). She also said her new bf had nothing to do with it, she was not interested in him at all whilst we were dating. QUOTE] You let her insult your intelligence!?!?!? Do you think she would allow you to give her this kind of BS? SHE DOES NOT RESPECT YOU AT ALL!!! Even worse.... YOU DON'T SEEM TO RESPECT YOURSELF!!! The way she is dragging this thing out... you might as well just forget the REAL reason. ...and even if you pull off this victory and WIN her back, she seems so confused about EVERYTHING that she could do this to you again..... and again....and again....time to put your foot down man!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Fritz Posted September 18, 2005 Share Posted September 18, 2005 Oh for the love of God man.. cut off all contact with her now. She is a primo, grade A, prime choice Drama Queen. You are her backup (emergency dick/emotional tampon), her whiny little boy toy wrapped around her finger. Get up, grow a spine and move on. Be cordial, but back the heck off and move on with YOUR life. Right now, you're an actor in her play and you don't have equal billing. So what that the guy she is dating is a total wanker, thats her problem at this point. She should know what he's really like and its her choice. Wish her well and move on and when she comes back whining and crying, respond with "So sorry to hear it didn't work out. See ya around sometime." Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr.P Posted September 22, 2005 Author Share Posted September 22, 2005 I've just read all the recent replies on here, haven't been here for a few days because she had pretty much left me alone....... until yesterday. Some interesting replies there, thanks for those, different suggestions which is more encouraging than the same old NC replies. I spoke to her yesterday, and all she wanted to know is why I kissed my friend in April (we split up in July with no apparent reason, but she's held this against me since our split. So I can only assume this is why). I told her that it was a way of apologising for giving her a wedgie (g-string was hanging out lol) and that it was stupid to do, only made worse by doing it infront of her. Can't say or do anything to change the past. It apparently wasn't the answer she was looking for (What was the answer then??) Conversation was really odd and she finished with saying "I'm going to have to go bcos this is really weird". So I sent her a txt after that sayin we will have to talk our issues through regardless of what the future holds for us, but can't be done now as I still can't be friends with her. Nothing heard since and after the "really weird" comment, I think I'll be left alone for a while again now. So according to your replies I have 2 choices, NC or pursue her cos she obviously does not want to let me go................ Link to post Share on other sites
pippen_2k Posted September 22, 2005 Share Posted September 22, 2005 Dude! no one is gonna recommend you persue her.... You are the one not wanting to let go Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted September 22, 2005 Share Posted September 22, 2005 So according to your replies I have 2 choices, NC or pursue her cos she obviously does not want to let me go................ Errr, no. According to the replies (and I agree 100%) we are unanimous that you should not be her backup plan. At the very least this involves backing off on your part and growing a spine, but NC seems to be the majority vote. The option of "pursue her" is your own wishful thinking speaking. But it's your choice, of course. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr.P Posted September 25, 2005 Author Share Posted September 25, 2005 It will be the NC option definitely, she has just been away for the weekend with the new bf. Any contact from from her will be replied with "F*** Off" but in a more polite way. I'm not getting any better and this is really bringing me down. I'm contemplating leaving the social club I go to where I always see her as well just to get away from her. But I don't want to do that as I have so many friends there. Aaahhhh !!!!!! This is a nightmare !!! Link to post Share on other sites
sanne Posted September 25, 2005 Share Posted September 25, 2005 You must avoid your ex at all costs. Trust me, NC will be hard and tough to do, but you will recover much quicker if you do it. Listen to me ok, I've been trying to move on from my ex for months now, and I've only just started getting better after I got serious about NC. I can say that I am now 75-80% healed, I can think back to my ex and I no longer have those gut-wrenching feelings anymore. It's more indifference at this point. Point is, you have got to start envisioning your life without your ex, I know it's impossible at first but it will get better and easier with time. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted September 25, 2005 Share Posted September 25, 2005 Any contact from from her will be replied with "F*** Off" but in a more polite way. Don't even reply, period. I get the feeling you will, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Baz Posted September 25, 2005 Share Posted September 25, 2005 I agree. Do not acknowledge any contact she makes. Do not tell her to f*k off as this is "supply" for her and you will feel bad about saying it. If you want to hurt her, ignore her comletely . NC means NC even if she contacts you. Do this for ever more and then get a new gf that makes this one look like the horses arse! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr.P Posted September 28, 2005 Author Share Posted September 28, 2005 I haven't heard from her in 7 days now, she hasn't gone this long since we broke up. The longer the time we don't speak, the more apologetic she is when she sees me next. I wonder if absense makes the heart grow fonder or has out of sight out of mind kicked in ?!? Ok Baz, I'll do my best to ignore her.... But... Her bf was making arrogant comments to another friend of mine last weekend, and he promised her he would change......... She said she would dump him if he went back to his old ways... I really want to tell her about next time she calls / txts / emails me. Link to post Share on other sites
Baz Posted September 28, 2005 Share Posted September 28, 2005 Listen my friend, you have a whole string of people here advising you on what you should do. Ultimately you should do what you believe to be right but I promise you when people post responses it is based on past experiences so I would suggest that you really consider what they are saying. It will save you pain in the long run. Do not concern yourself with her, him or them. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr.P Posted October 1, 2005 Author Share Posted October 1, 2005 Well I've decided to avoid her completely and not see her at all. The fact that I see her once a week lets her know that I am still there. I'm not going to the club where I see her for at least 2 weeks, maybe more if necessary. I haven't heard from her in 10 days now but I'm sure she will be expecting to see me tomorrow which is now not going to happen. Will see what develops from this.... Link to post Share on other sites
pippen_2k Posted October 1, 2005 Share Posted October 1, 2005 What are you expecting to develop dude? Avoid her for your own personal health and sanity, not for the hope that she will start thinking about you and contact you Link to post Share on other sites
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