In Trouble

[Chocolate]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years. I was 15 and he was 19 when we first got together. Over the past few years, things haven't been going to good. We argue alot over small things. We broke up once and I had a friend who I talked to, but he was just a friend and nothing more. He eventually found out about this friend and things haven't been the same since. Even though my boyfriend was the reason we broke up in the first place, I don't throw it in his face . Every once in a while I might speak to my friend, but now he has a girlfriend and a baby on the way. That is his life and that is fine because we don't have a romantic type relationship. In between all this my relationship with my boyfriend has been hanging by a thread. Now he has found out that I was speaking with my friend again. Now he is threatening to tell my mother some private things that have happened in my life, and I know that these things will be disappointing to her. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to be bothered with the hassels of a boyfriend because of my college life. I love him but I don't know what to do. HHHELP!!

[bethbonnie]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years. I was 15 and he was 19 when we first got together. Over the past few years, things haven't been going to good. We argue alot over small things. We broke up once and I had a friend who I talked to, but he was just a friend and nothing more. He eventually found out about this friend and things haven't been the same since. Even though my boyfriend was the reason we broke up in the first place, I don't throw it in his face . Every once in a while I might speak to my friend, but now he has a girlfriend and a baby on the way. That is his life and that is fine because we don't have a romantic type relationship. In between all this my relationship with my boyfriend has been hanging by a thread. Now he has found out that I was speaking with my friend again. Now he is threatening to tell my mother some private things that have happened in my life, and I know that these things will be disappointing to her. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to be bothered with the hassels of a boyfriend because of my college life. I love him but I don't know what to do. HHHELP!! Dear Chocolate, the 'boyfriend' you speak of seems to have some insecurities in his personality. Firstly, when someone cares for us, or if he has said he 'loves' you, then is this love toward you conditional? You have mentioned that you are in college, so I presume you are in the sweet late teens; your absolutely right, you will benefit with regard to your own self-respect and self- esteem to focus on your college studies first and fore- most. Plenty of time for love in the future. NEVER allow anyone to place their expectations upon you, that is known as CONTROL. You mentioned that your 'boyfriend' is threatening to tell your mother about some personal experiences of yours, are these the actions of someone who has your best interests at heart? Perhaps it may be advantageous of you to tell you Mom first? That will eliminate the emotional power this young man is trying to exercise over your life. Your Mom may in fact be dissappointed in hearing the things of your past that she herself will have made her own mistakes in the footsteps of her youth. As your mother, I am sure she will still love you as her precious daughter. You say you love this young man? How is it possible to reason loving someone that professes verbally betraying things you have told him to your Mom? Concentrate on loving yourself first. When your understanding receives the importance of this personal revelation, you will choose someone far more worthy of your love than the man you have invested your worth in now. If you ever need to be encouraged, or just to talk, feel free to E-mail me. Take care (from Australia)

 

[CMW]

Way to go Australia. That was truthfully and eloquently put. And there is nothing wrong with having friends! hang in there chocolate....you have a lot of living to do yet!