ellie2018 Posted August 28, 2018 Share Posted August 28, 2018 Hi there, I am married just over two years. I am disappointed to say that in those two years, my relationship has had more downs than ups. When we got married, his family, my in laws, his sister and mother turned into very demanding people, selfishly taking up my husband's time and not giving a care in the world about our marriage. My husband Noel and I had a huge disagreement about some 'stories' that his sister made up about me on the day of my wedding. They were unfounded and uncalled for considering she was my bridesmaid and had done nothing but complain the entire time of being asked to be bridesmaid. I asked her because she lost her husband over 9 years ago and didn't want her to feel left out on the wedding day. I am a gentle and kind person and I feel that because of this, they tried to walk over me and take over, now the same in my marriage. Things got so bad in 2017, firslty I had a miscarriage and none of his family supported me and second because i didnt attend a family event on Noel's side and his mother verbally attacked me over it. I had my own family event to attend to but she didn't care. this caused a huge divide and Noel and I ended up going to marriage counselling together, he chose the counsellor. She brought up many issues and because most were directed at his family and how he needed to change, he had no interest in hearing what was being said but did try a little to accept that I was no longer tolerating this bully behaviour. Fast forward to 2018, I had a miscarriage again in april, Noel wasn't there for support. Now we are constantly bickering again. I have tried self reflection, thinking what it is that I am doing wrong but I have tried calmly to fix things but nothing seems to be working. I am seriously fed up, this is not a normal healthy relationship. I feel bullied because if I do not do or try and do my own thing, my husband gets jealous and lets things fester and he gets angry, not physically but through stubborness and not helping around the house or not caring about me and what I have to say. I am so tired and not sure what to do to move forward. I feel like he doesn't want me to have my own life but yet I support him in everything he wants to do, but he is jealous of things that i do, places i go or the people im with. I feel this is the underlying issue, his jealousy and anger issues. As I said, I am a relatively easy going person but one thing for sure is that I am not going to be bullied by anyone, no matter who they are, this is not acceptable behaviour in any relationship. I would like to know what i can do to try and get this marriage back on track. Would really appreciate any help. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted August 28, 2018 Share Posted August 28, 2018 Sorry to hear about your miscarriages but for goodness sake please stop getting pregnant. A baby will not fix your marriage. You should only have a baby when you're happy and secure in your marriage, otherwise you will end up a single parent. What you can do to get the marriage back on track, is tell him that he must start acting like a proper supportive husband or else he will soon end up an ex husband. And if he doesn't buck up, make him an ex husband! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 28, 2018 Share Posted August 28, 2018 One of the things you both need to work on -- seemingly more him -- is to let go of your family of origin & put your spouse first. Noel doesn't seem to be doing that. What did the counselor say about that? I'm sorry about your miscarriages. However, in light of how rocky your marriage is, I wouldn't bring children into it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 29, 2018 Share Posted August 29, 2018 I am married just over two years. I am disappointed to say that in those two years, my relationship has had more downs than ups. When we got married, his family, my in laws, his sister and mother turned into very demanding people, selfishly taking up my husband's time and not giving a care in the world about our marriage. My husband Noel and I had a huge disagreement about some 'stories' that his sister made up about me on the day of my wedding. They were unfounded and uncalled for considering she was my bridesmaid and had done nothing but complain the entire time of being asked to be bridesmaid. I asked her because she lost her husband over 9 years ago and didn't want her to feel left out on the wedding day. I am a gentle and kind person and I feel that because of this, they tried to walk over me and take over, now the same in my marriage. I'd let this part of your issues go as it all circles back to your husband. His family doesn't treat you like this unless he allows it and he certainly has the option to cut contact if they continue to be disruptive. It all starts and ends with him. Was it MC you were attending and why did it stop? Without change, hard to see a way forward for you. Marriage is supposed to be supportive and empowering, unfortunately you're "0 for 2"... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted August 29, 2018 Share Posted August 29, 2018 I find it appalling he would not be supportive and protective of you from his family BEFORE and ESPECIALLY AFTER the miscarriages. Maybe serving him papers would make him understand what a poor husband he has been. If you were my sister, I'd be trying to convince you as hard as I could to serve him and move out on your own. I'd have a few choice words for him as well. Link to post Share on other sites
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