Losing my best friend

[Sparklequeen]

My best friend amanda and I have been best friends for 5 years. She's a lot older than me but we have so much in common and used to text everyday and meet up every 2 months or so. 6 months after we met we became friends with helen and occainsionally went to stay with her for weekends. Each time we went I always felt that helen was trying to take amanda over and would prefer it if i hadn't been there. 2 years ago we went to stay with her and as it was just after my birthday I opened a birthday present from her in the room we stay in. All was fine that weekend and we arranged to go again in November. Helen didn't let me know any details re November I had to find out from amanda and then a week or two before we were to go she ignored me and didn't reply to any texts and then when she eventually did a couple of days before we were due to go implied it had been me with the problem texting. In the end I wasn't able to go but I said to her how I hoped it wouldn't stop her from inviting me in the future and she said no and we would have to arrange to meet up in December. We were texting for the next day and a half when she suddenly didn't reply and ignored me. I asked amanda who went to helens as planned that weekend what was up with helen but she wouldn't say and in the months after every time I mentioned it or asked what was up she dismissed me and said she wasn't getting involved unlikewhen another of her friends was rude to me she got involved then. Eventually seven months later amanda said that helen had said she could tell me the reason why and apparently it was due to me opening the birthday present upstairs instead of downstairs. Two of Helens friends who we met when we visited also sent a rude message saying how it's upset them all meaning helen Amanda and the two friends and how I should know helen is a lovely person and what I've done isn't very nice . Ever since then amanda has slowly stopped texting and now not at all and only texted when I initiated it. We haven't met up for a year and a half due to various problems with transport and her arranging something else when I was meant to be going to stay with her and then she said how it was me always having a problem with transport. She also now has a new boyfriend and a few weeks ago her sister randomly commented on a Facebook post of mine saying I should realise that amanda is busy with work and a boyfriend so won't be able to text or meet up yet when she had a boyfriend and was busy with work in the past she still managed to text and even said how it wouldn't affect our friendship. I am aware people are busy and have commitments but I know many people in relationships who still find time to text friends and don't just abandon them. I no longer have any contact with helen or her two friends not Amanda's sister and very rarely amanda now. I find it hard to make friends and this has knocked me and my confidence especially as they seem to have made me out to be the bad person. Any advice appreciated

[d0nnivain]

Yes, it would have been nicer of you to open a present from Helen, in front of Helen while you were in Helen's home. People who give gifts often get joy from watching the recipients open them.

 

However, Helen is behaving like a spoiled petty child by a). not telling you that she was upset & why; b). directing Amanda not to say anything and c). blowing up a friendship over something so petty.

 

 

Since you now know what Helen's problem is, you can try sending her a handwritten apology note via snail mail. I'd send something along the lines of:

 

 

Dear Helen:

 

Something has been off with us for a while but I never knew what happened. I have come to understand that you became upset with me because I opened the gift you gave me for my birthday upstairs. I did that to not bring attention to myself in case you were not in the habit of giving gifts to your other friends who were at the house. I didn't want to inadvertently make somebody jealous. I am truly sorry for having hurt your feelings. I do miss the friendship & the fun times you, Amanda and I shared. Please call me. I would like to discuss any misunderstandings, apologize again for hurt feelings & work toward repairing our friendship.

 

Sincerely

 

Sparklequeen

 

I would also reach out to Amanda & make arrangements to see her too.

 

Meanwhile find ways to expand your social circle.

[Sparklequeen]

I did open the present in front of Helen when we were upstairs as it was waiting in the room we stay in there. She never said she wanted me to open it downstairs she obviously later told amanda this and gave thisas the reason for ignoring g me.

 

As for amanda I have tried many times to meet up but she is very reluctant putting the blame on me for troubles with trains etc we've had i t he past despite her arrangingfor me to stay with her then booking something elSe to do instead. Every time I have said about meetingup she says she's very busy and would have to consult several peoples diaries

[d0nnivain]

Then maybe you have to let this drop & set about making new, different friends. Where there is a will, there is a way. For whatever reason, Amanda is no longer making you a priority & if she doesn't have the courtesy to tell you why, all you can do is let her fade out of your life. Sorry.

[anduina]

Helen sounds like a mean girl and Amanda, someone who easily bends to peer pressure. These aren't the type of friends that are worth keeping.

 

Keep searching for 'your people'. It took me until I was in my late twenties to find a solid group of female friends who weren't catty.