Sparklequeen Posted August 29, 2018 Share Posted August 29, 2018 I'm 29 and have never had a boyfriend or been on a date as no one has ever been interested in me. I don't have the opportunity to go out much as I care for my grandma and have to do a lot for her but would love to meet someone but I am quite shy and get self conscious. Any advice appreciated 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted August 29, 2018 Share Posted August 29, 2018 Fortunately you're living in a time when online dating options are abundant, so that's your best option if you're not meeting any guys naturally in your day-to-day life. Get together some good pics of yourself, start some accounts, and challenge yourself to get out there and go on some dates. And don't allow yourself to give up if you have some bad experiences (you will, everyone does). Consider each date a "practice" so you can get yourself more comfortable with the entire concept. It's not necessary to confess, early on in dating someone, that you've never had a boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
MaleIntuition Posted August 29, 2018 Share Posted August 29, 2018 I'm 29 and have never had a boyfriend or been on a date as no one has ever been interested in me. I don't have the opportunity to go out much as I care for my grandma and have to do a lot for her but would love to meet someone but I am quite shy and get self conscious. Any advice appreciated The bolded part is probably not true. This is your low self esteem speaking. Contrary to popular beliefs (?) men also fear rejection and will therefore not always be very obvious. Find some hobby, sign up for a class of something you enjoy. Be it rock climbing, dancing, cooking, painting, soccer whatever you’ve always wanted to try. Try to find some time for yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 29, 2018 Share Posted August 29, 2018 Also church is a good option. Does your grandma go to church? If so, go with her. A lot of large churches have a singles night, program, that are very successful. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 29, 2018 Share Posted August 29, 2018 Look into respite care, even a few hours a week you need time off from caring for Grandma. Do you have friends? Make a point to go out with them. Ask them for tips on meeting men. If you are short on friends, join a women's group to meet new people. Then build from there. If you want people to talk to you, you have to look available. That means appearing in public, smiling & saying hi. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 29, 2018 Share Posted August 29, 2018 I had a friend who lived with and cared for her mother, but she somehow found plenty of time to go out, but I'm sure it depends on the situation with your grandma. You need to get a home healthcare worker for a few hours a week to give yourself a break. Then you go do whatever you enjoy doing and maybe meet someone who has the same interests. Link to post Share on other sites
dranoel Posted August 29, 2018 Share Posted August 29, 2018 (edited) I'm 29 and have never had a boyfriend or been on a date as no one has ever been interested in me. I don't have the opportunity to go out much as I care for my grandma and have to do a lot for her but would love to meet someone but I am quite shy and get self conscious. Any advice appreciated Definitely try some dating apps or websites. There are plenty of people in your position looking for companionship and love. There are also settings on many apps (such as bumble) for looking for friendships nearby. Again, you’ll find many people your age looking for someone to go out together likely with a “wing woman.” In terms of your grandma preventing you from going out, maybe discuss your feelings with her and your need to forward your love life and the time that it takes (if she’s of sound mind that is). If not, you can set up for care to come to your place and watch her while you go out. And please don’t let your grandma situation prevent you from forwarding your personal life. You could get trapped in this set up and wake up years later with regret for never taking other measures of care, as there are many. My aunt is in her 50s and never had a boyfriend and seems never will, as she became tied down caring for her mother when everyone else left. She let that be her excuse for never finding love, even though there were many ways to work around it. Edited August 29, 2018 by dranoel Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 29, 2018 Share Posted August 29, 2018 I suggest you locate some extra care for your grandma. I don't know about your location, but there are some government subsidies that offers free care so many hours a week. You should look into that. You can take your free time to go out and do things, like join a group of an interest of yours, take an art class or a writing class, you can look for free things to do around your city, so you can meet people. That's where you can start. It will help you get out of your shell a little. I know people recommend online dating, but it comes with a warning...it's not easy, and can be a lot of misses than hits. I say you are better off just finding fun things to do where you can meet others and let things happen organically and at your own pace. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparklequeen Posted August 29, 2018 Author Share Posted August 29, 2018 Thanks for the suggestions I am cautious about online dating but perhaps it'll be the way to go. I do have friends but they live in other areas Too far away to be able to meet up regularly and find meeting new people hard due to a toxic friendship before. Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted August 29, 2018 Share Posted August 29, 2018 I don't think I can give you a bunch of sunshine, but I'll give you some things to think about. It will be work, maybe hard work. 29 is pretty old to be single without any relationship experience (that experience should have came in High School, or at least college), so you have a lot of catching up to do to get up to where other people in your age group are at. but I am quite shy and get self conscious. Any advice appreciatedYou are going to have to do some self improvement on those things. Both of those are learned behavor, and both can be unlearned with effort. If you don't fix that, you will "ruin it" with anyone you meet. You will definitely have to do something about making more free time for yourself. Taking care of relatives is fine, but you can't sacrifice your life for theirs. Telling a guy you can't go out on a date because you have to take care of your grandma is not going to go over well. Guys have been lied to so much with excuses that sound that way that they won't believe you, and even if they know it is true they still won't put up with it for long. You have to make the time, and communicate you're schedule to the guy so that he knows what is going on and can offer dates when he is reasonably certain you are available. No guy is going to keep playing "Roulette" with the calendar and crossing his fingers hoping the silver ball just happens to land on a day/time that you are available. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 29, 2018 Share Posted August 29, 2018 (edited) We don't know enough about you, honestly. [] Do you have a stable job? Are you supporting your grandmother also financially or is SHE supporting YOU and paying your bills? Do you have a vehicle? Any other dependents in your care? Other pressing responsibilities that hinder a relationship overall? How are you financially? Any history of alcohol or drug abuse or mental health issues? These are questions that you might want to think about. Of course you don't need to answer them here with the forum. If you're going to put yourself out there online dating or dating anywhere else, please be honest with yourself and your limitations. KNOW your limitations. Edited August 30, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Unnecessary Link to post Share on other sites
LordVader Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 Well maybe go on dates with guys like me that also never dated for sad reasons. But in an online profile with my picture, I would never admit that I never dated yet. But when I try again, I will not lie about wanting to go to movies. What do couples even do ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparklequeen Posted August 30, 2018 Author Share Posted August 30, 2018 I work in admin and am a writer in my spare time. My grandma supports herself and I support myself and pay my bills and I have my own vehicle. She is the only person I look after. I don't drink or smoke or do drugs and never had any mental health issues Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 Join a local writers' group & or a book club. Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 I work in admin and am a writer in my spare time. My grandma supports herself and I support myself and pay my bills and I have my own vehicle. She is the only person I look after. I don't drink or smoke or do drugs and never had any mental health issues Build a social life. Try Meetups with Meetup.com. Get comfortable around a variety of people and groups of people. You may meet you "date" within that. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 I'm really not sure what type of advice you're looking for here. You either want to change your situation or you don't. If you do, try thinking smarter not harder. If you're not ready to date it's going to ooze from your pores and no one will want to be near you. Make sure in the first place whether you're emotionally and mentally there or willing to make mistakes and screw up every now and then and whether you have a sense of humour about yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 Thanks for the suggestions I am cautious about online dating but perhaps it'll be the way to go. I do have friends but they live in other areas Too far away to be able to meet up regularly and find meeting new people hard due to a toxic friendship before. You will definitely have to get over the above or you will never have new friends. You can't let one toxic friendship prevent you from trying again. When you say you are taking care of your grandma; is she an invalid? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LordVader Posted September 1, 2018 Share Posted September 1, 2018 You will definitely have to get over the above or you will never have new friends. You can't let one toxic friendship prevent you from trying again. Very true advice I must take too. Otherwise I'll never have friends again. But where to meet people, that's a hard 1 for a lot of people. Link to post Share on other sites
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