My boyfriend read my diary without my permission

[preraph]

I think you handled that just right. I kept a journal for decades. Anyone who read it did so at their own risk. I let off steam in there to keep myself from exploding all over the dude of the moment. So now you need a locking file cabinet, and even then they're not that hard to get into. That's where mine ended up. Or you can put them in Word and just lock them with a password.

[beatcuff]

A written journal is supposed to be completely private. It has your own personal thoughts that you don’t share with somebody else. Emails and texts neccessarily involve other people. Basically, reading somebody’s journal is like hacking into their brains and reading their thoughts. That’s how it is different. It is a huge invasion of privacy.

its no longer 'in their brains' when its 'out there'. it was written to be read, maybe not by certain persons (we can all assume it was to be read only by the writer). so where is that line. i can't have a private conversation with --- my parents, siblings, friend, therapist?

 

And I doubt that most people who actually keep journals/diaries would accuse anyone of cheating hearing that a girl wrote that she has feelings for another guy.

and how do you think cheating starts?!? while she may not be going down that path 'having feelings' is certainly looking at it (that path).

 

understand i have NEVER looked in my wife's purse/pocketbook (over 20 years) even if she says 'oh look in my ...', i hand it to her. and i would never read her written or typed (on computer) journal (she told me, she had one at some point) --- mainly out of fear/expectation something was written that would disrupt my understanding of where my marriage is/was/will be (if it was from 10+ years ago it would be a lot of wasted energy to wind up where we are now, if it was from yesterday: ouch). i don't know her passwords or even what accounts she really has --- if she is going to stray she will find a way: her job makes it way to easy.

 

my comments were pointing out the hypocrisy of certain respondents that have shown a history of 'there should be NO secrets'.

[FMW]

I first started writing in a diary when I was around 7 years old, it was a little yellow flowered diary with a lock, I remember it fondly My current journal (I'm 53 so I now call it by a more mature name ) is a password protected word document on my computer. So I truly get the importance of a diary/journal and can very much relate to the betrayal of someone violating that private realm.

 

But as I noted in my earlier response, spending time writing about an attraction to someone isn't a meaningless, harmless thing. I don't write about things that aren't holding my attention in some way or about which I feel a need to work something through. I don't write about things like seeing a hot guy in passing (although maybe others do). But as Readhead14 noted, my thinking is that OP's BF probably felt something was off and that triggered his suspicions and led to his violating her privacy.

 

So going back to the initial post, I'm not sure his insecurities are that unreasonable and merit demanding him see a therapist over.

[Veronica73]

its no longer 'in their brains' when its 'out there'. it was written to be read, maybe not by certain persons (we can all assume it was to be read only by the writer). so where is that line. i can't have a private conversation with --- my parents, siblings, friend, therapist?

 

and how do you think cheating starts?!? while she may not be going down that path 'having feelings' is certainly looking at it (that path).

 

understand i have NEVER looked in my wife's purse/pocketbook (over 20 years) even if she says 'oh look in my ...', i hand it to her. and i would never read her written or typed (on computer) journal (she told me, she had one at some point) --- mainly out of fear/expectation something was written that would disrupt my understanding of where my marriage is/was/will be (if it was from 10+ years ago it would be a lot of wasted energy to wind up where we are now, if it was from yesterday: ouch). i don't know her passwords or even what accounts she really has --- if she is going to stray she will find a way: her job makes it way to easy.

 

my comments were pointing out the hypocrisy of certain respondents that have shown a history of 'there should be NO secrets'.

 

I guess every couple has to find that line for themselves. When I was married we had access to each other’s phones. But we didn’t go through them or anything. For me, a journal is off limits. And I feel like there is a difference between keeping secrets and expecting some privacy. But I was also very open, honest, and straightforward with my ex-husband and never gave him a reason not to trust me.

 

And I don’t write about hot guys passing or really much about guys in general, but I don’t know, I may have when I was in my early 20’s. It’s just not that important to me now. And I do think about what I write and how people would feel if they read what I wrote when I am dead. But when I’m alive, I expect my privacy in that matter to be respected!