Dating profile questions

[Garcon1986]

Hi, I've made dating profiles on a couple of websites, and made sure to follow a few cardinal rules such as:

 

 

- make all your photos professional, no pics with no shirt

- make your photos recent

- no hunting photos

- write your profile to express why you are cool, generate interest, and convince someone why they would want to meet you

- don't include anything serious

- try to think from a woman's perspective as to what would make her comfortable, and at ease chatting with you

- and be specific about what I want (super intelligent about something, don't care what it is -- has a job or is going that way -- gets into a relationship for the mutual caring and complementary weaknesses and strengths -- stays healthy -- has the wisdom/ open mindedness that comes from knowing one more culture other than her own).

 

 

I've found a couple of peeps (~5-10) who fit these criteria wonderfully, but there's uniformly a wall of silence. How can I effectively and efficiently troubleshoot? I do admit I have a weak spot for the more beautiful ones which I am working on, but the people who email me may be morbidly obese, have clearly described multiple emotional issues, etc etc. How do I do better?

[d0nnivain]

With any random encounter like this the success rate (return response) is something less then 2% on average so just keep on sending out feelers.

 

it's a different genre but here's a direct mail statistic: Direct mail household response rate is 5.1% (compared to .6% email, .6% paid search, .2% online display, .4% social media) Not everybody wants what you are selling.

[Imajerk17]

Hi, I've made dating profiles on a couple of websites, and made sure to follow a few cardinal rules<snip>

 

I've found a couple of peeps (~5-10) who fit these criteria wonderfully, but there's uniformly a wall of silence. How can I effectively and efficiently troubleshoot? I do admit I have a weak spot for the more beautiful ones which I am working on, but the people who email me may be morbidly obese, have clearly described multiple emotional issues, etc etc. How do I do better?

 

 

 

 

Well I do not agree with all of what you wrote above. Keep in mind that the 30,000-foot view is that a woman is looking for someone who is cool and normal and fun. You don't want to come across too formal. She isn't in the role of a hiring manager looking to see how professional you are.

 

 

As far as your pictures, you are MUCH better off w a few pictures of you having fun w your friends, and besides that one picture that clearly shows your face, instead of a bunch of professionally-done photos which you paid money for. The latter is just not necessary and it even says to many a woman that you are trying too hard.

 

 

 

As far as your text, have us take a look. But meanwhile there is no need to go beyond maybe 2 short paragraphs.

Edited August 30, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Garcon1986]

Have I been trying to sell something totally unreasonable, or have I set my expectations up to hope for a total ridiculous set of qualities in a lady?

[glows]

Maybe you are totally ugly or have nothing to offer yourself.

 

What do you think?

 

It takes time. This isn't a magician's pot of tricks. It's the internet. You're going to have to be patient, attractive and have your life in order. This is no different than dating elsewhere.

[Garcon1986]

I can always rely on Portia to be very bluntly honest hehe. So my life is pretty excellent, I live in a small apartment, have an essentially guaranteed job for life, have hobbies that are actually quite eclectic. I am on a Chinese scale of attractiveness, pretty attractive. Anybody here is welcome to test me on what I have to offer, you may be pleasantly surprised.

 

And yes- my determination and patience is alive and well.

[nospam99]

Hi, I've made dating profiles on a couple of websites, and made sure to follow a few cardinal rules<snip>

 

I've found a couple of peeps (~5-10) who fit these criteria wonderfully, but there's uniformly a wall of silence. How can I effectively and efficiently troubleshoot? I do admit I have a weak spot for the more beautiful ones which I am working on, but the people who email me may be morbidly obese, have clearly described multiple emotional issues, etc etc. How do I do better?

 

Your profile guidelines sound good to me. I doubt your problem is your profile.

 

Sounds like you're male. Me too. It's our 'role' to send the messages. I too get most of my unsolicited email from women who, while not necessarily morbidly obese (at least not in all cases), tend to be 'attractiveness-challenged'.

 

Disclaimer: I'm a 64 y/o male so demographics are in my favor. Nevertheless your problem may include what specific websites you're using. My 'tactics' include filtering women's profiles for 'compatibility' with respect to the age, height, location, and income they're seeking and their personalities and values as gleaned from their 'essays' (and they'd BETTER have written one). After that they'd better have common interests with me - the more, the better. I find match.com to be the best site to provide me the information I want to help me make selections. POF is a distant second. OKC used to work but they changed their messaging rules in December. Since then I'm getting no responses on OKC and, frankly, can't even tell anymore if my messages are getting delivered because of how bad the messaging rules are now. I have also tried ourtime, zoosk, elite, and eharmony and have briefly looked at tinder. None or them provide enough information for me to do the filtering I want to do.

 

Bottom line: 35% response, 7% meet, 0% LTR (of course I only 'need' ONE)

Edited August 30, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[preraph]

Are you mainly trying to date Chinese or are you mainly trying to date some other culture? Because that alone can bring your success rate way down. I don't mean to eliminate other cultures, but don't be holding out for one when it would be easier to date someone in your own. Also, don't concentrate on the most beautiful ones. They will be concentrating on the top level of attractive men, and why shouldn't they? So sounds like you're above average but not able to get real spectacular women, so stop trying unless one taps you. Go out with the nice looking ones and you know when you like them in person, they seem more attractive.

 

Everyone shoots for the moon. They figure they have nothing to lose, but truth is they're wasting time.

[alphamale]

I agree with preraph that if you're trying to date white women you will have a much harder time. there is little demand for a Chinese men unless you are tall, very handsome and loaded with $$ (the emphasis on the latter).

 

you can always look to call girls or escorts for company with white women

[Garcon1986]

I held out and held out to date Caucasian women, and I thought I grabbed a spectacular lady my last relationship, which failed in the way I discussed on a previously posted thread. Now I'm ready to date all except African American and Indian which I'm not really physically attracted to. I've essentially learned the lesson but I've gotta be honest, the attractive Israeli or Argentinian chemical engineer makes me have pleasant palpitations.

[Garcon1986]

Here's what I wrote about myself:

 

I'm as much the rabbit in the garden turning over every stone, as the orca in the ocean exploring every land. I've had the unique privilege of growing up around the world and the blessing of having a superb career of looking after children. I'm always looking for a new skill or looking to learn something new about the world. I would rather buy an experience than a gift.

 

 

My calling involves getting terribly sick infants back their happy old selves, and sharing in those toddler's happiness when they finally get to toddle back home. My favorite part is thanking the family for being there for their baby, and high fiving the toddler when he finally makes it out of the hospital. Don't worry I've had funny things happen - when I first started I accidentally let a baby pee all over his bed. The baby and the nurses thought it was awesome. I told myself welcome to babyland.

 

My favorite sort of date is someone who can engage me in intellectual conversation, or someone who is really smart at something. I'd want her to be open minded, be interested in a relationship where we mutually care for each other, and who has the wisdom that comes from learning another culture or upbringing other than her own. I really value an open minded partner who is willing to always discover a new experience. The thing I like the most in a partner is an open mind and the sharp wit that says she's ready to hit whatever ball life throws. If we share any interests - let's have a smashing conversation.

[Garcon1986]

A woman once told me though, if she's not physically attracted, there's nothing I can provide that can change her mind about my dateability. I am working on my weightlifting and exercise to be physically more appealing - where I can do something like a fashion consultation to have the best possible presentation of myself? I believe that having pictures with friends is part of the package but the guys who have the "hot guy" photos get some edge over me.

[d0nnivain]

Have I been trying to sell something totally unreasonable, or have I set my expectations up to hope for a total ridiculous set of qualities in a lady?

 

Nope. It's just the nature of OLD.

 

OLD is a single tool. Do not rely solely on it to meet people. At least once per week put yourself out there someway in person.

 

 

A woman once told me though, if she's not physically attracted, there's nothing I can provide that can change her mind about my dateability. I am working on my weightlifting and exercise to be physically more appealing - where I can do something like a fashion consultation to have the best possible presentation of myself? I believe that having pictures with friends is part of the package but the guys who have the "hot guy" photos get some edge over me.

 

It's a matter of taste. Many women will tell you that Brad Pitt & Leonardo DiCaprio are two of the sexiest men alive. They do nothing for me; half the time I think they look homeless & unkempt. That doesn't make them ugly; it just makes them not my taste. There are women out there who think you are the cat's meow; everything she ever wanted. Go find her. She might not be on OLD & if she is, she might not be on the site you're on. For example, when I was on eharmony, my now husband was on Match & we were outside of each other's age ranges. OLD is not the perfect dating tool. Keep more quivers in your arsenal.

[JuneL]

I think that, in general, your profile should be about telling people how amazing you are, instead of telling people what your requirements are. So I’d tone down the last paragraph.

 

Coincidentally, I also value intelligence and open-mindedness in a man most (I’m a woman); but both of these traits, though subjective, can be easily spotted.

 

Here's what I wrote about myself:

 

I'm as much the rabbit in the garden turning over every stone, as the orca in the ocean exploring every land. I've had the unique privilege of growing up around the world and the blessing of having a superb career of looking after children. I'm always looking for a new skill or looking to learn something new about the world. I would rather buy an experience than a gift.

 

 

My calling involves getting terribly sick infants back their happy old selves, and sharing in those toddler's happiness when they finally get to toddle back home. My favorite part is thanking the family for being there for their baby, and high fiving the toddler when he finally makes it out of the hospital. Don't worry I've had funny things happen - when I first started I accidentally let a baby pee all over his bed. The baby and the nurses thought it was awesome. I told myself welcome to babyland.

 

My favorite sort of date is someone who can engage me in intellectual conversation, or someone who is really smart at something. I'd want her to be open minded, be interested in a relationship where we mutually care for each other, and who has the wisdom that comes from learning another culture or upbringing other than her own. I really value an open minded partner who is willing to always discover a new experience. The thing I like the most in a partner is an open mind and the sharp wit that says she's ready to hit whatever ball life throws. If we share any interests - let's have a smashing conversation.

[Garcon1986]

What are examples that I can use to toot my horn that are well accepted, without being conceited?

[Standard-Fare]

Garson, in your first post you say one "cardinal rule" you respect is "don't include anything serious."

 

Let me point out that your profile text takes a pretty damn serious tone. Aside from the bit about the baby peeing on you, there's not a lot of lightheartedness or humor there.

 

Personally I don't know if that's even a problem—if that's an accurate representation of your personality, and you want to attract like-minded women—but I'm just pointing out the contradiction.

 

I do think the pictures are most important, though. I've seen some threads on Reddit where people post their samples for honest review, i.e. Weekly Profile Critique for Bumble. Something like that may be worth trying (you can remove the pics later), or else get some honest opinions from friends you trust to be straight with you.

[JuneL]

I think his profile sounds like a stereotypical high-achiever Asian raised by tiger parents. I suspect those women who are attracted to this type may not care too much about looks.

 

Garson, in your first post you say one "cardinal rule" you respect is "don't include anything serious."

 

Let me point out that your profile text takes a pretty damn serious tone. Aside from the bit about the baby peeing on you, there's not a lot of lightheartedness or humor there.

 

Personally I don't know if that's even a problem—if that's an accurate representation of your personality, and you want to attract like-minded women—but I'm just pointing out the contradiction.

 

I do think the pictures are most important, though. I've seen some threads on Reddit where people post their samples for honest review, i.e. Weekly Profile Critique for Bumble. Something like that may be worth trying (you can remove the pics later), or else get some honest opinions from friends you trust to be straight with you.

[Garcon1986]

I forgot I had this question. I do want to be able to break the stereotypes via my profile. How do I reach more people and be high achieving but not the ugh, just another Asian guy who doesn’t get it on my profile?

[JuneL]

BUT YOU ARE! I just can't see how an intelligent and open-minded woman would be okay with your parents (whom we learned about from your thread about your ex).

 

I forgot I had this question. I do want to be able to break the stereotypes via my profile. How do I reach more people and be high achieving but not the ugh, just another Asian guy who doesn’t get it on my profile?

[alphamale]

I think his profile sounds like a stereotypical high-achiever Asian raised by tiger parents. I suspect those women who are attracted to this type may not care too much about looks.

 

did anyone see the movie Crazy Rich Asians??

[Garcon1986]

Guys this doesn’t deserve a life sentence, I don’t want to be penalized for the rest of my life for my relationship failure. I am willing to change.

[preraph]

It's always good to work on your physique, but just as you aren't attracted to black and Indian people, you have to realize some people simply aren't attracted to Asian faces. Some things are just a fact of life. If you insist on swimming into the current, it will be a long exhausting swim.

[Gretchen12]

Who's going to read all that stuff you wrote in your profile?!

 

Try meeting women in real life if you're awesome.

[d0nnivain]

What are examples that I can use to toot my horn that are well accepted, without being conceited?

 

Just come out & say it.

 

I read your profile. It skews heavily toward kids. Somebody who is on the fence about where kids fit into her future, will not date you.

 

I also can't figure out what you do. If you are a neonatologist, say so. Don't mention nurses. Many women will automatically think you can't be trusted because you are around pretty nurses all day & you will be playing 7 minutes in heaven with them in the supply closet just like they have seen on all the soap operas & in Grey's Anatomy.

 

Your emphasis on adventure over stuff is good. Inviting her to have an adventure with you is also a good opening.

 

Since you are in a profession that has you around people, try using medical conferences to meet new people.