Is he attracted to me?

[Misslady567]

This is long but it’s been bugging me, so if you take the time to read this and reply then thank you

 

He’s a supervisor where I work so I try to always keep it professional because I don’t want to get in trouble. Maybe subconsciously I’ve came off as being attracted to him, but I’m not sure. When we’re attracted to somebody we can’t really help it. But I’ve been told by some guys that my personality is kinda “off putting” , I don’t really flirt unless I feel like somebody likes me and I’ve been hurt a lot so I don’t open up easily. When He first started working at my job, the first time I walked past him I didn’t say anything, but I looked to the side a little and saw him turn his head around and look at me when I walked away.

 

After that he would be nice and say hello to me or ask me how I was and I would be brief and respond back but I kept it professional. I walked past him when he was talking to a co worker who has been with the company for years, longer than me, and he was talking really loud to her and out of no where mentioned his “wife” to her. He didn’t just say “wife” either, it was with an emphasis like he was really trying to draw attention to that word when he saw me. He said, “my WIFE would be like, where were you?” That’s all I heard really, I’m not sure what he was talking about. I knew he couldnt have said it to hint at me that he’s taken because I never even flirted with him or told him I liked him.

 

I would try not to even look at him. He did that again in the break room, there was a bunch of people in there and I was looking at a picture on my phone when he walked in and started talking to somebody right behind me, then mentioned his “wife” again saying she sent him Christmas pictures. then later again he mentioned her in a meeting but stuttered as he said “my girl” like he didn’t know what to call her. Well come to find out he’s not even married to her, that’s why he doesn’t wear a ring. No way do I want to break that up because I know how much it hurts but I’ve seen a picture of her and she has the same features as me, colored eyes and dark hair. I was starting to get back into shape after having my baby and so I would wear more flattering clothes.

 

I don’t know what he was talking about with these two people during a meeting but he mentioned out loud “the goods” and turned around and kept looking at me. After the meeting people kept bringing his name up around me and looked at me when they mentioned his name, like they were trying to get a response out of me. I ignored it. Another manager that he supervises walked into the break room one day with somebody and said out loud while I was there (I’m not gonna mention names but I’ll just call this guy that I’m crushing on “rick” and I am “Stacy) “Rick, stacy said I could leave” I was sitting right there but didn’t say anything. He was probably getting sick of work and wanted to go home but why would it matter to “Rick” if I said he could leave? Lol...

 

He would try to be funny with me, like when I was on a ladder and he walked by and laughed and said he thought I grew 10 feet. I just kinda smiled but didn’t say anything. He would walk close to me even when there was a lot of room around us and say “hello” he would be nice to me but I would give him attitude sometimes, I would ignore him or roll my eyes at him when he asked me how I was doing because I didn’t want him to detect anything, cos well like I said it felt wrong. I think he got sick of it and started giving me attitude too, he ignored me one time when I asked him a question when I was pregnant with my second child but then when I asked him again he responded nicely, even after I gave him a dirty look for ignoring me, and all the pregnancy hormones made me even more mad for being ignored.

 

Then the next day when he first saw me he smiled and said hello, like he was trying to be nice after ignoring me. He would be hot and cold. He would roll his eyes at me when he saw me sometimes or tilt his head down and look up at me with his eyes and say “hello” like he wasn’t sure about me, or suspicious, but I never got in trouble by him for being that way with him. A few times when he was talking to me he would walk up to me real close, like in my personal space. It’s as if he was trying to intimidate me with his superiority or he was trying to get a better look at me.

 

The first time he walked up close to me, when he looked at me his pupils were so dilated I thought he was on DRUGS or something crazy, I squinted when I looked at him because it was so weird seeing his pupils that big. I did feel something with him, it would be awkward, but maybe that is just my mind playing tricks on me...believing what you want to believe.

 

I guess the only way I would find out would be to ask him, or friend request him, but I don’t think that would be a good idea. But it’s fun, like a cat and mouse game..maybe I should just leave it at that..

Edited September 1, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs, use them in the future please

[d0nnivain]

He's your boss & he's involved with another woman. He may have a type that looks like you but he is not available to date you & I see nothing in that wall of text you posted without paragraphs to indicate that he has any interest in dating you.

 

Say nothing. Do nothing. There is nothing between the two of you & there never will be. You are supervisor & subordinate at work. Period.

[Zahara]

Well come to find out he’s not even married to her, that’s why he doesn’t wear a ring. No way do I want to break that up because I know how much it hurts but I’ve seen a picture of her and she has the same features as me, colored eyes and dark hair.

 

Then what's the problem. If you have the moral boundary of not wanting to wedge yourself in a person's relationship than all this is moot. Then don't even go there. And what does her hair color and eyes have anything to do with what's right and wrong?

 

I guess the only way I would find out would be to ask him, or friend request him, but I don’t think that would be a good idea. But it’s fun, like a cat and mouse game..maybe I should just leave it at that..

 

No, this is not fun and games or cat and mouse. The man is in a relationship. He is your supervisor. You are a subordinate. This is a professional environment. It would be best to carry yourself appropriately instead of jeopardizing your character at your workplace and your livelihood.

Edited August 30, 2018 by Zahara

[Misslady567]

Maybe I don’t care who I hurt anymore because whenever I try to be good to somebody it just backfires on me so I figure I should give up looking for love and just do whatever I want. Nobody wants to answer my question whether he is attracted to me or not, that’s what I came here for, because I don’t want to make a fool of myself requesting him as a friend if the feeling isn’t mutual!

[d0nnivain]

He may be attracted to you if you are his type. If his lady friend looks like you that is an indication that he likes the look of you. Finding somebody attractive however, is not enough of a reason to end one relationship or cheat especially with a co-worker.

 

I can look at lots of men during the day & think that they are attractive. Doesn't mean I wanna date any of them. Certainly doesn't mean I want to break up my marriage over a pretty face.

 

Nothing this man has does indicates to me that he wants to date with you or even interact with you in any way beyond professional cordialities between co-workers. Attempt to escalate at your own peril.

[Misslady567]

That sounds about right. I feel like a stalker on his profile, maybe I should just wait until he leaves where I work or when he’s single so I don’t make a fool of myself!

[basil67]

Your post was difficult to read without paragraph breaks, but from what I could read, there's nothing to indicate that he has any romantic interest in you.

 

There's a lot of words about pregnancy and babies. Are you in a relationship yourself?

[Misslady567]

Sorry, my punctuation sucks.

 

EVERYBODY that I haved talked to are like you guys, they say he doesn’t sound interested. Well I acted the same way only because it felt wrong. I would be rude to him sometimes and I’ve ignored him when he’s said “hello” to me. But sometimes I would be nice because I don’t want that kind of animosity in the work place, work is stressful enough. So maybe he does like me, we both just don’t show it. That could be just wishful thinking on my part too. He’s way older than me too, old enough to be my dad. So he probably has no idea , and if he does then he probably just thinks I’m weird. I definitely was not trying to make him think I’m interested because I didn’t want to embarrass myself.

 

And yes I have two babies under two. The father and I aren’t on good terms. It’s been a roller coaster for me the last two years so maybe my mind isn’t all the way there and I’m over analyzing the situation. OH WELL...

[Misslady567]

Maybe I’m a *** for this, but I bent over in front of him and then a few days after that during a meeting he was talking to some people about something, I didn’t hear what, all I heard was when he raised his voice and said “THE GOODS” and then turned around and kept looking At me. Either he sensed that I am damaged goods after everything I’ve been through, something inappropriate, or he was talking about company merchandise. I’m a good worker though, and there were a few there during the meeting that aren’t. So if he was trying to tell somebody to put the goods out, he shouldn’t have been looking at me because I actually get things done. After the meeting was over he looked at me as another manager was standing next to him and rubbed his nose really hard like he got nervous about something.

 

Thank you for the honest replies.

[basil67]

Maybe I’m a *** for this, but I bent over in front of him and then a few days after that during a meeting he was talking to some people about something, I didn’t hear what, all I heard was when he raised his voice and said “THE GOODS” and then turned around and kept looking At me. Either he sensed that I am damaged goods after everything I’ve been through, something inappropriate, or he was talking about company merchandise. I’m a good worker though, and there were a few there during the meeting that aren’t. So if he was trying to tell somebody to put the goods out, he shouldn’t have been looking at me because I actually get things done. After the meeting was over he looked at me as another manager was standing next to him and rubbed his nose really hard like he got nervous about something.

 

Thank you for the honest replies.

 

I suspect your overtly sexual behaviour in the office made them all uncomfortable. If you value your job, you would be wise to start behaving in a professional manner.

[Misslady567]

I suspect your overtly sexual behaviour in the office made them all uncomfortable. If you value your job, you would be wise to start behaving in a professional manner.

 

Well, nobody was around but him when I did that. And he might have thought I didn’t mean anything by it, people bend over all the time to pick something up/put something down because it is easier sometimes. I never got in trouble for it and nobody said anything so it was harmless.

[basil67]

Well, nobody was around but him when I did that. And he might have thought I didn’t mean anything by it, people bend over all the time to pick something up/put something down because it is easier sometimes. I never got in trouble for it and nobody said anything so it was harmless.

 

No, you said he was in a meeting.

Edited August 31, 2018 by basil67

[Misslady567]

No, you said he was in a meeting.

 

It wasn’t during a meeting that I did that. There was nobody around but him...at least that I could see. A few days after that we had a meeting and he said “the goods”

 

I think I’m just lonely because I’m off of work at the moment and my home life isn’t good. I would not want to add him now because if he’s still working there when I go back to work I would be embarrassed to see him.

[Zahara]

If your home life is bad then fix it. Do something about it. Your attempt to escape a bad situation at home by dabbling in another potentially bad situation is very foolish on your part. Jumping from frying pan into fire.

 

You have two children and yourself to support. Focus on those priorities. If you want to keep your job, act appropriately and professionally. If you want to jump down another dark rabbit hole, then do so. I understand you’re lonely but you still need to be smart and mature about things.

 

If you escalate this, it will blow up in your face. For as long as I’ve been on LS and through experience, these types of situations always fail.

 

Also, just because people have done you wrong it doesn’t mean you have to throw your morals and boundaries down the toilet. That’s not a good excuse to make bad choices.

 

And no, I don’t see anywhere in your posts that indicate he is attracted to you.

Edited August 31, 2018 by Zahara

[d0nnivain]

Being rude to a supervisor is not a good idea either. You don't have to interact with him & flirting is not a good idea but if the man says good morning, reply. You don't want to get a bad rep for not being a team player.

 

Focus on doing your job. Presumably you need the income to support your kids. Find somebody to date closer to your age outside of work.

[smackie9]

Work is only as stressful as you make it. If you keep professional, keep your personal feelings and private life out of it, there won't be stress of any kind. Being a good worker is focusing on your work, not when you are trying to get a reaction out of your boss, or playing games. Get your head on straight, nose to the grindstone.

[PinkPampies]

I would leave this alone.

 

He’s your supervisor..Don’t go there.

Workplace romance... Dont do it.

He’s already involved with someone... you know better

You have 2 babies under 2 at home... focus on them

He’s given absolutely zero indication he’s interested in you anyway... move on.

[Misslady567]

So reading body language isn’t a thing anymore? Well ok then...guess I’m delusional

[basil67]

So reading body language isn’t a thing anymore? Well ok then...guess I’m delusional

 

A lot of people read far more into it than what there actually is.

[ExpatInItaly]

So reading body language isn’t a thing anymore? Well ok then...guess I’m delusional

 

No, but there is too much room for error there. Given that you have said you are lonely and probably would like the attention, you also have to consider that you are seeing things through the hopeful filter of him wanting you. Objectively, I think most of this is in your mind and you're projecting a lot.

 

Also, he is your superior and he is not single. This is simply not a wise choice of crush (to act on) no matter what body language may be telling you.

[d0nnivain]

So reading body language isn’t a thing anymore? Well ok then...guess I’m delusional

 

It is a thing but it's an inexact science at best, easily misinterpreted. Especially at work, you are better served making decisions based on the spoken word.

[BaileyB]

Focus on doing your job. Presumably you need the income to support your kids. Find somebody to date closer to your age outside of work.

 

This seems to me to be a lot of speculation about a man who is not available for a relationship, given that he is otherwise engaged with another woman and also your boss.

 

This is good advice. If I may add, perhaps you shouldn't be looking for anyone to date right now... You have two children under two and your life has been a self described "roller coaster" for the past two years. If you want the roller coaster to stop, you need to get off. Dating and potentially engaging in an inappropriate relationship with your boss is definitely not going to make the roller coaster stop.

[preraph]

You're being inappropriate at work and it's going to backfire on you and you'll end up without a job. Whether he likes it or not, you will be the one who will end up without a job. Why? Because you're being inappropriate at work.

[Misslady567]

I must have not been that inappropriate because I never got in trouble for bending over in front of him. I didn’t even plan to do it, I just knew he was walking behind me and I had to set something down. Haha. Nobody has called me out on my behavior, maybe I’m good at hiding it. I guess I’ll just wait to add him when he leaves the company, that way I won’t embarrass myself if he denies me and I have to face him everyday and I won’t risk losing my job.