sadexbf79 Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 My ex who is also my best friend is getting married two weeks from now and I got an invitation from her. I’m having second thoughts on going since our break up did not turn out well. We broke up five months ago but I’m still stuck in the rock bottom of pain. She is getting married with the man who works at a foreign restaurant in our city and whom she cheated me on with. I know I should be happy for them and I’m trying to be. Should I come? If I should, what would I say? I don’t think saying “Congratulations, I’m happy for the both of you” will do good for me. I’m just lying to myself if I come and say that. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 I can't fathom for the life of me why you still consider her your best friend, nor why she's already getting married if you only broke up 5 months ago, nor why you'd even consider watching her marry the man she cheated with. No, you should definitely not go. Surely you have more self-respect than that? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 DO NOT GO! She is marrying some guy after only knowing him a short time. She will be divorced in no time. She's a fool for inviting you. You can't be friends with this woman & you are a fool for even trying. It won't turn out well for you. Normally I'd say send a card but here just RSVP that you can't attend. Plan something fun for yourself instead. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 How can you be best friends with someone who drove you to "the rock bottom of pain"? I'm not understanding the dynamics here, or why you have kept up a (I guess platonic) relationship after her betrayal and what you describe as an ugly breakup. Do NOT be there as a witness to see her get married to the man she cheated on you with. In fact, use this as your opportunity to finally assert your freedom from this unhealthy relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 There’s no way in hell I’d even consider going to a wedding of an ex who cheated on me and that’s the person they’re marrying. No idea why you would think - even for a second - that this is a good idea. I don’t even know why you’re still friends with this person. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 My ex who is also my best friend is getting married two weeks from now and I got an invitation from her. I’m having second thoughts on going since our break up did not turn out well. We broke up five months ago but I’m still stuck in the rock bottom of pain. She is getting married with the man who works at a foreign restaurant in our city and whom she cheated me on with. I know I should be happy for them and I’m trying to be. Should I come? If I should, what would I say? I don’t think saying “Congratulations, I’m happy for the both of you” will do good for me. I’m just lying to myself if I come and say that. She cheated on you but she's still your best friend? I didn't know cheating/lying/dishonesty were defining virtues of a friendship. Stop being a doormat. Pick up your self-respect. Cut your ties and move on from this one. She sounds toxic. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hope86 Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 Wow just wow. You're still in touch with her let alone be friends with her? Man honestly you should be ashamed of yourself, sorry to say. There was this ex who keeps trying to get in touch with me, sending me FB requests and I don't entertain a single one until I'm successfull and have a great wife. Until that day none of my exes are gonna get **** from me. Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 (edited) My ex who is also my best friend is getting married two weeks from now and I got an invitation from her. I’m having second thoughts on going since our break up did not turn out well. We broke up five months ago but I’m still stuck in the rock bottom of pain. She is getting married with the man who works at a foreign restaurant in our city and whom she cheated me on with. I know I should be happy for them and I’m trying to be. Should I come? If I should, what would I say? I don’t think saying “Congratulations, I’m happy for the both of you” will do good for me. I’m just lying to myself if I come and say that. Don't go. Foolish move. She shattered your heart. Cheated on you and is now now getting married to the person whom she cheated on you with, only 5 months later. In what realm could you ever recover from this in such a short time? I can see how your mind is in a fight with your heart. Your mind is acknowledging you're in pain. Your heart is the one trying to convince you that she is your "Best Friend" and to go to that wedding. She's not your friend. Not at this point. Wish her well if you have to but after that, block her on social media and don't respond to her messages and don't go to that wedding. As long as she's in the picture, you won't heal. You'll damage yourself further. You need time alone to heal. - Beach Edited August 30, 2018 by Beachead Link to post Share on other sites
Ralph79 Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 I know I should be happy for them and I’m trying to be. Please explain why you should feel happy for them ? There are so many inconsistencies in your dilemma that stem primarily from this. You were cheated on. Your breakup did not go well. Your GF is marrying the guy she left you for & to make matters worse she has the gall to invite you to witness this. What moral obligation do you have to feel happy for these people? If isn't clear to you, I want to state this for your benefit: 1) You have the right to be angry about the situation. 2) You are not obligated to be her friend. 3) Attending the wedding would be the ultimate display of weakness and patheticness on your part. You would simply validate to the rest of the invitees that she made the right move dumping you. I don't know what you did in life that you think you deserve to subject yourself to this kind of humiliation but it's definitely not going to help you overcome your pain and it will certainly not help you earn the respect of ANYONE let alone your Ex, in case you are doing this for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 I went to an ex-girlfriend's wedding. We had been broken up for a couple of years. It had actually been a really bad breakup. I got invited because she was marrying a friend of mine. He wasn't a close friend, but he didn't have very many friends and I went to support him. I felt very awkward. As I was walking into the church, the bride's mother asked me "Why are YOU here??" I told her I was invited and was a friend of the groom's. She started to say something else, but I walked away & sat down on the groom's side before she could finish. After the wedding, I ducked out and didn't go to the reception as the mother had made me feel uninvited. It was a mistake to go, I should have told the groom I couldn't attend. He knew I had once dated his soon to be wife, but he thought enough time had passed. I think I would have made it through the ordeal without incident if the bride's mother hadn't confronted me. Who knows... Learn from my mistakes... Don't go... Just RSVP - "NO" If you want, enclose a gift card from a local grocery store, so they can buy some food when they get back from their honeymoon. Link to post Share on other sites
JP92 Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 (edited) A best friend does not leave you in deep pain. She seems very disrespectful. To cheat on you and then invite you to the wedding of her and the guy she cheated on you with just 5 months after the BU is so harsh. That's not a person I'd want in my life, I am sorry. The friendship only suits her, not you. I would not attend. Edited August 30, 2018 by JP92 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 No. Just no. Don't attend. Don't stay in contact with her. She's a heartless xxxxx. She's not your friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Hoosfoos Posted August 31, 2018 Share Posted August 31, 2018 A Haiku: No no no no no No no no no no no no No no no no no Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadexbf79 Posted August 31, 2018 Author Share Posted August 31, 2018 I can't fathom for the life of me why you still consider her your best friend, nor why she's already getting married if you only broke up 5 months ago, nor why you'd even consider watching her marry the man she cheated with. No, you should definitely not go. Surely you have more self-respect than that? Being close to her was my way of moving on easily. Most likely, she cheated me on with that guy for quite a long time now, I don't have any idea though. And about the invitation thing, I don't know why she did that. I really don't. And the idea of me going to her wedding is probably to prove a point? To prove that I'm alright? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadexbf79 Posted August 31, 2018 Author Share Posted August 31, 2018 DO NOT GO! She is marrying some guy after only knowing him a short time. She will be divorced in no time. She's a fool for inviting you. You can't be friends with this woman & you are a fool for even trying. It won't turn out well for you. Normally I'd say send a card but here just RSVP that you can't attend. Plan something fun for yourself instead. Thank you so much for helping me with this. I'll consider your idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadexbf79 Posted August 31, 2018 Author Share Posted August 31, 2018 How can you be best friends with someone who drove you to "the rock bottom of pain"? I'm not understanding the dynamics here, or why you have kept up a (I guess platonic) relationship after her betrayal and what you describe as an ugly breakup. Do NOT be there as a witness to see her get married to the man she cheated on you with. In fact, use this as your opportunity to finally assert your freedom from this unhealthy relationship. No, we have a misunderstanding here. I'm so sorry for that. What I meant was that she used to be my best friend. Thank you for your advice. I'll consider it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadexbf79 Posted August 31, 2018 Author Share Posted August 31, 2018 Hello everyone! Thank you so much for your comments, advises and sympathy or whatever that is. I really appreciate how you guys connect to what I have felt. Thank you for telling me that the idea of going to that event was a foolish and the most stupid move I will ever make. I have made up my mind now. I WILL NOT GO and will plan for a trip for me to be able to find myself back as you guys suggested. Thank you so much! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted August 31, 2018 Share Posted August 31, 2018 Being close to her was my way of moving on easily. Most likely, she cheated me on with that guy for quite a long time now, I don't have any idea though. And about the invitation thing, I don't know why she did that. I really don't. And the idea of me going to her wedding is probably to prove a point? To prove that I'm alright? The only point to prove here is that you’re not crazy enough to go to this wedding. Glad you have decided not to go. You’ll prove your point. Lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted September 1, 2018 Share Posted September 1, 2018 My ex who is also my best friend is getting married two weeks from now and I got an invitation from her. I’m having second thoughts on going since our break up did not turn out well. We broke up five months ago but I’m still stuck in the rock bottom of pain. She is getting married with the man who works at a foreign restaurant in our city and whom she cheated me on with. I know I should be happy for them and I’m trying to be. Should I come? If I should, what would I say? I don’t think saying “Congratulations, I’m happy for the both of you” will do good for me. I’m just lying to myself if I come and say that. Look, (1) She cheated on you. (2) She's getting married just five months after breaking up with you. That woman doesn't deserve your time or attention, and certainly not your attending her wedding. You need to remove anything that reminds you of her from your house, including pictures or gifts. You need to block her on everything and you need to start caring about yourself. You need to take care of yourself. She is NOT a good person, not by an stretch of the imagination; and she is definitely not your friend. Respect yourself and understand that you deserve way better than this. Her sending you the invitation is not only rude, but it's an indication that there is something wrong with her. She seems to thrive on attention and she doesn't care who she hurts. She only cares about herself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted September 1, 2018 Share Posted September 1, 2018 Wake up. You are acting like a doormat. You'll just continue to get walked on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 1, 2018 Share Posted September 1, 2018 No, don't go. She may have only invited you to notify you she was now off the market hoping you'd move on easier. Do not go. Send her a card, and that is all. No reason to act happy about it. Link to post Share on other sites
fieldoflavender Posted September 2, 2018 Share Posted September 2, 2018 I think she deserves a bag of karma her way as her wedding gift. Seriously wtf. I'm glad you made the right choice. I can't fathom the idea of going to any ex's wedding or any ex coming to my future (probably never happening) wedding. It seemed like she was showing off by inviting you. Good riddance, now it sounds like the new guy and her deserve each other and karma. Link to post Share on other sites
fieldoflavender Posted September 2, 2018 Share Posted September 2, 2018 No, don't go. She may have only invited you to notify you she was now off the market hoping you'd move on easier. Do not go. Send her a card, and that is all. No reason to act happy about it. No don't send a card. She CHEATED on him. It's different if it's years after and they're on good terms. FIVE months ago. She deserves nothing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
seany25 Posted September 12, 2018 Share Posted September 12, 2018 If this was done to me and I was to actually go to it I'd bring along 2 extremely sexy high class hookers and roll up like I'm king ding'a'ling, and show zero respect for anyone there, disappearing into the next room during the speeches to get it on with the hookers. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
firemanq Posted September 19, 2018 Share Posted September 19, 2018 I think she deserves a bag of karma her way as her wedding gift. Seriously wtf. I'm glad you made the right choice. I can't fathom the idea of going to any ex's wedding or any ex coming to my future (probably never happening) wedding. It seemed like she was showing off by inviting you. Good riddance, now it sounds like the new guy and her deserve each other and karma. You misspelled "crap" Link to post Share on other sites
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