How to avoid falling into the friendly flirting trap?

[Philosopher]

Over the past couple of years I have been on a few dates where the women has been very friendly and flirty on the date. Typically the women will be engaging in a lot of flirty behaviours such as laughing at jokes, playing with their hair, making good eye contact, doing a lot of self touching, etc.

 

As a result I have read the signs as them being interested and therefore I subsequently suggested another date. However the last time this occurred, the women said she just wanted to be friends and the previous time the women came up with excuses not to go on another date. In the first example I suggested meeting again right at the end of the date and in the second example I suggested meeting via a text the day after the date.

 

Therefore how do I distinguish between genuine attraction and friendly flirting so I can avoid this kind of rejection in the future?

[preraph]

Touch. That's the main difference. If you are friendly but never touch, it's clear you don't want to touch her. If you are friendly and touch her literally anywhere not private, it shows you want physical contact. Then it would be up to her to either go along with it and enjoy it or let you know she isn't interested by cringing or turning down an invitation.

[basil67]

Over the past couple of years I have been on a few dates where the women has been very friendly and flirty on the date. Typically the women will be engaging in a lot of flirty behaviours such as laughing at jokes, playing with their hair, making good eye contact, doing a lot of self touching, etc.

 

I think the problem is that you're reading too much into what's going on.

 

Laughing at jokes and making good eye contact isn't necessarily flirting - it's simply the hallmark of a person who's got good social skills. They would probably do the same with their BFF. Playing with hair and self touching may be due to nervousness or simply habit.

 

If I were you, I'd be looking not at this stuff but whether the two of you actually gel. For example, do the two of you get so engaged in talking that you both lose track of time? This is the kind of stuff which is truly relevant.

[preraph]

I think the problem is that you're reading too much into what's going on.

 

Laughing at jokes and making good eye contact isn't necessarily flirting - it's simply the hallmark of a person who's got good social skills. They would probably do the same with their BFF. Playing with hair and self touching may be due to nervousness or simply habit.

 

If I were you, I'd be looking not at this stuff but whether the two of you actually gel. For example, do the two of you get so engaged in talking that you both lose track of time? This is the kind of stuff which is truly relevant.

 

True. I mean, I laughed with literally anyone I was talking to when young and dating. It meant nothing. I play with my hair when I'm alone in a room. It means nothing. You want to find out if she likes you, start touching her little by little and you'll soon find out.

[Chilli]

yep.

all these people reading all the internet lists crack me up , my sisters and bloody grandmother do all the same things.

l dunno wth has happened to peoples what use to be natural senses and observation in the last 10 or 20 yrs, the internet maybe !

[Philosopher]

Touch. That's the main difference. If you are friendly but never touch, it's clear you don't want to touch her. If you are friendly and touch her literally anywhere not private, it shows you want physical contact. Then it would be up to her to either go along with it and enjoy it or let you know she isn't interested by cringing or turning down an invitation.

 

On one of these dates I mentioned, I did touch her on her lower arms and she seemed to respond quite favourable. Yet I still did not get a second date. On the other date, I did not touch her though.

[Philosopher]

yep.

all these people reading all the internet lists crack me up , my sisters and bloody grandmother do all the same things.

l dunno wth has happened to peoples what use to be natural senses and observation in the last 10 or 20 yrs, the internet maybe !

 

I am not very good at reading other people's intentions in general, particularly through body language, hence why I rely to some extent on what I read to work these things out. Therefore what I want to know is whether there is better way of telling whether they are interested or not.

[littleblackheart]

I am not very good at reading other people's intentions in general, particularly through body language, hence why I rely to some extent on what I read to work these things out. Therefore what I want to know is whether there is better way of telling whether they are interested or not.

 

I'm the same. Unless someone clearly states their interest, I have no idea what's happening.

 

I've had the reverse problem many a time (I'm a woman) - I assume people act nice and friendly because that"s who they are. Sometimes it is, mostly they have ulterior motives I'm meant to figure out by reading between the lines (not a strength of mine). It's confusing and after 25+ years, I still don't seem to get the message.

 

What I've learned is that unambiguous expressions of interest will not only cut to the chase, it also helps establish clear lines of communication from the start. So if you are interested yourself, put yourself on the line and let them know - if they don't reciprocate, you'll have your answer!

 

If you're unsure, it's better to be proactive.

[somanymistakes]

I'm not sure what you mean by the "friendly flirting trap". What's the trap here? You went on a first date. Your date was nice, but decided she wasn't interested in pursuing things further. This is a fairly normal outcome to the majority of first dates.

 

There is no magical way to avoid rejection.

[Mr. Lucky]

Therefore how do I distinguish between genuine attraction and friendly flirting so I can avoid this kind of rejection in the future?

 

You'll know when they accept your offer of a second date. Failure is just practicing for success, don't overthink it...

 

Mr. Lucky