usa1ah Posted September 5, 2018 Share Posted September 5, 2018 So you are swapping wives with another couple? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Coop Posted September 5, 2018 Author Share Posted September 5, 2018 The guy from 9 years ago that I know about is not the same guy now. But I am starting to have suspicions that there was maybe something there too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Coop Posted September 5, 2018 Author Share Posted September 5, 2018 Didn't think she would ever do this and I never thought I would ever want to stay. It's alot harder decision to stay or leave then I ever thought it would be. There are days I love her then days I hate her. And with this other crap we were doing sure didn't make that any easier. Sometimes I feel like she is trying to get me to say I'm leaving so she doesn't have to. Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted September 5, 2018 Share Posted September 5, 2018 Didn't think she would ever do this and I never thought I would ever want to stay. It's alot harder decision to stay or leave then I ever thought it would be. There are days I love her then days I hate her. And with this other crap we were doing sure didn't make that any easier. Sometimes I feel like she is trying to get me to say I'm leaving so she doesn't have to. Again, the first thing is to find out exactly what went on and for how long. Who?, how did you meet? how did it lead to sex? how did it end? Did it end? Until you are satisfied in your mind, how can you make up your mind to stay and reconcile or divorce her? You need more information from her, not a chance to swing. have her write out a time line, test it. You are being asked to buy something you can not see. You may find out it was a one time, or short thing. You may find out something else. You need more facts, and if she is the type that should given a second chance, she should be helping you , not blowing you off. She is not acting, like she wants to be married, no matter what she tells you. At this point actions, and attitude are what you should key in to. I wish you luck.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Confused48 Posted September 5, 2018 Share Posted September 5, 2018 (edited) Sometimes I feel like she is trying to get me to say I'm leaving so she doesn't have to. This is very common. The fact that she bad mouths you at work means she probably does that with a lot of people, other affair partners especially. It sends the signal that she is looking for someone to save her from you. The fact you had no idea and thought you were "easy to live with," also very common. She was keeping you as her safety net while she tested the waters elsewhere. She checked out of your marriage but didn't bother to tell you. Till now, bc perhaps she feels she has found a better option at last. She could be telling you about the old affair for impression management reasons. She has a new lover that she is willing to leave you for, that also wants her. But that would make her look bad. She would look less bad if you end the marriage over something that happened long ago, that in her mind is ancient history that you should just get over. She can tell her story to others that you were totally unreasonable and ended it over a nothing from long ago. So then later she found this great new, true love. Edited September 5, 2018 by Confused48 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 5, 2018 Share Posted September 5, 2018 Again, the first thing is to find out exactly what went on and for how long. Who?, how did you meet? how did it lead to sex? how did it end? Did it end? Until you are satisfied in your mind, how can you make up your mind to stay and reconcile or divorce her? You need more information from her, not a chance to swing. have her write out a time line, test it. You are being asked to buy something you can not see. And the fact she won't provide you with answers should be considered in itself an answer. Coop, either accept within the context of your marriage that she cheated - or don't. But don't allow this to be rug swept and stay together burdened by uncertainty and resentment. Life's too short... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chaparral Posted September 6, 2018 Share Posted September 6, 2018 The one thing you need to understand is nearly 100% of cheaters lie. So she’s still lying. Two months? BS 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 So basically she could have been cheating on you your entire relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Jamess1 Posted September 10, 2018 Share Posted September 10, 2018 She is just a woman - you divorce and replace - it's a lack of options that make you repulsive to her - she told you as a test, to measure your value as a man - a self-respecting man wouldn't allow a woman to stay a second longer after confessing to cheating.... Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted September 16, 2018 Share Posted September 16, 2018 Hi Folks, I guess this is another thread which will die a natural death. The OP is not going anywhere and is probably prepared to compromise with his circumstances. No positive action is going to come to fruition here. Just sad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Coop Posted September 17, 2018 Author Share Posted September 17, 2018 Still working whether we can get through this. Confronted the other person and he straight lied said nothing happened. I told him I knew he was lying but he still denied. She still denies any other affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 17, 2018 Share Posted September 17, 2018 Did you tell him she'd admitted to the affair? If he says she's lying, does he offer a reason or motive as to why that might be? What's her reaction to his denial? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Coop Posted September 17, 2018 Author Share Posted September 17, 2018 I did tell him that and he still denied it. I knew he was lying and he kept saying he wouldn't do that to anyone especially me. I remember his girlfriend calling me then saying they were "sexting" but I just played it off not believing that would happen. I told him about that and he then said he couldn't remember that far back. When I told her he said that it didn't happen she looked upset that he said he wouldn't do that to a friend. I look back at when the other guys girfriend called me and think I should've figured it out then but I was young and didn't believe that would happen to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 17, 2018 Share Posted September 17, 2018 I remember his girlfriend calling me then saying they were "sexting" but I just played it off not believing that would happen. So he'd sext with your wife but he's too honorable to sleep with her? Sure... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Coop Posted September 17, 2018 Author Share Posted September 17, 2018 Yea I've come to find out that he's a snake and I'm feeling like she isn't much better Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted September 17, 2018 Share Posted September 17, 2018 Funny how when you reflect back you can connect the dots isn't it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Coop Posted September 18, 2018 Author Share Posted September 18, 2018 It truly is. I kinda wish I would've pushed the issue then. I really don't know why I didn't. Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted September 19, 2018 Share Posted September 19, 2018 OK, that was in the past. WHAT are you going to do NOW? The present is what you need to work on. Your seems to be wanting to open your marriage now, and from the past it seems she will leave you. So the question is, what are you going to do? No more dwelling in the past, what is you plan of action? I wish you luck.. Link to post Share on other sites
Colin Grant Posted September 20, 2018 Share Posted September 20, 2018 You were played years ago. Learn from it and just use this opportunity to see to it, it doesn't happen again. If it does, you will seethe for the rest of your life. Ge it right this time. Link to post Share on other sites
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