Co-Worker Crush is Driving Me CRAZY!!!

[gawman]

I am new here, and I forewarn you this will be a very long post, because I want to lay out all the details. First off, I have been working at my job for 2 and a half years, and my crush has been there for about 4 months. As for me, I am 33, and she is 20. She is currently a sophomore in college, and I have just recently graduated college. I am African American male and she is a White female, just to paint the contrast between us both. So anyways, she gets hired by our ex boss, and he boasted up to us guys how naturally attractive she is, and told us of course she is in college. I didn't really buy into it, but once I actually met her, I have to say he was correct. She was, and still is, a bit of a "nerdy" type of woman, and is naturally sweet to everyone. Within a week or two of her starting work, a co-worker guy and myself were talking about how she is a breath of fresh air to the workplace that we all worked at, and agreed on her attractiveness on her personality alone. Fast forward about a month later, and her and I occasionally had small talk on the job, but nothing really serious at all. At the time I was only working 3 days a week, and she was working 5 or 6 a week then. About a week or so passes, and she asks me if I can take over one of her shifts, and I said I would think about it. So I manage to get her number, on the premise of being text buddies and also to let her know if I can cover her shift. I asked if she would have a problem being text buddies, which she said she would not. Being the nice guy that I am, I text her that I can take over her shift, which she was thankful for. I joked that she owed me, and she responded "Big time my man."So a week or so passes and I text her minimally, making small talk with a few flirtatious innuendos of her being desired by other guys. For example I asked if guys are all over her due to her appearance, and she responds by laughing it off and saying no guys really hit on her. So I wait about another few days, and ask her through text message if she wants to hang out one day. She says she would think about it, which I respected. I gave her a day or two to think on it, and we both agree to meet up at a coffee shop, but she said only as friends, because she "kinda has a boyfriend." Fearing being "friend-zoned", I respond that we are not really friends, to which she says "well we are co-workers, lol". The day comes that we have coffee, and it was a fun experience at the time at least. I basically let her talk about herself, and she was explaining how she called out of work the other day because she was hung over and had to provide a doctor's note. I basically agreed with her on most stuff, and didn't really attempt to flirt with her, which I probably should have tried to. We spent like half an hour chatting, and I actually ended the meeting before she had the chance to. We part ways, and go on with our merry lives. I wanna say within a week, I asked her via text if she wanted to hang out again, and never got a response. Gave it a few days, and when we work together again I ask her in person why she didn't respond, and she said she was busy. I thought it was weird she was busy for 3 or so days not to answer a simple text message. So I press her about the issue, and she hesitates for a bit and says she doesn't want to hang out with me. That crushes my soul right then and there, and as days pass, my anger starts to build up. Fast forward the next week, and I overhear she's having a party at her house. I text her that night and ask if she's really having a party, which she says yes. I ask her if i can come crash it, which she says its an invitation only party. I bite back and ask her to at least introduce me to her single friends one day since she wont hang out with me. She laughs and says she's not setting me up with her friends. At this point, I get angry and text her that she owes me. Her response was that she doesn't owe me like that, and my response was that she didn't owe being a bitch to me for no reason. After that, she did not respond at all, and then the next night we had to work together. So when the night comes, I ask herr semi-in-private, if we can talk. She asks about what, and I say last night. She slightly laughs, walks away and says she doesn't wanna talk about it. I immediately feel shut out, and within a few minutes I lose my temper and make indirect comments to my boss that I need to cool off, which is uncharacteristic for me. I've long been known as the nicest guy at my job, so my boss was taken back a bit. He asked me what was going on; and within eyeshot of my crush I say to him, while looking at her, " I hate losing. And I never lose. EVER!" That is said as my delivery comes out, so I leave and get a little time to cool down, but not much. After I return to the store, i confront her when no one else is around and ask her why she is giving me the cold shoulder. She told me I was rude to her, and that I was acting weird the last few days, which I was because I was always tense around her, because I was getting jealous inside that she was all buddy-buddy with everyone else she worked with but not me. It showed in my performance, and I was getting angry any time I heard her up front chatting it up with everyone else but avoiding me. I told her I only said she was being a bitch bcuz not only was she avoiding a second chance to hang out with her, but she refused to even introduce to any of her single friends. She said she wants things to go to how they were, where I wasn't the hot-tempered person that I had become in the last couple weeks. I apologized, and asked if within a month if we could try to hang out again. She again responded no, and I could tell in her voice that she was really irritated with me. I apologize again for my actions, and ask if she could accept my apology. She said yes, and proceeds to walk away and make her way to the front to get away from me. An hour or so passes, and my boss tells me that she complained to him that previous actions were offensive, and i relay to him that her and I squashed the animosity between us. He says that's fine, but he still needs to document the incident between us. So since she left before me, he pulls us both into the back and has us sign a written warning about the employee confict that we had. We both sign it, and things are fine between us for a while, considering the fact that I was on thin ice at that point. Fast forward a month-ish, and my then boss quits on us for personal reasons. We now have an interim boss, who is a driver that has been with the company for decades. ANYWAYS, less than a month after my ex boss quits, I am tipsy and alone home, so I randomly text her asking if she wants to know a good drink to try. She says no and would appreciate if I didn't text her unless for work purposes. I fire back and ask her why she is being hateful, which she says she is not but she doesn't want to get texts from me that are non-work related. Mind you, I haven't texted for about a month beforehand. I also fire back that we should hang out so I wont' HAVE to text you, to which she responds that she doesn't want to do that either. My response was me throwing in her face that she can hang with a coworker all night (who is the guy that I was talking about how attractive she is) but not me. That must have hit a nail on her head, because not only did she not respond, she called our interim boss and complained I was harrassing her. The boss called me within 15 minutes and warned me never to contact her outside of work again, and that I was gonna recieve ANOTHER write-up. Fast forward to today, which is like 3 weeks later, and I am still not over this woman. I can't avoid her at work but so much, but I do not want to leave this job because I am moving to another state next year, and would rather keep this until I make the move. She to this day does not make an effort to talk to me, and it really tears me up inside to where I despise working when is there. We thankfully only work together 3 days out of 5.

[d0nnivain]

You are in very real danger of getting fired, getting civilly sued & possibly having criminal charges filed against you.

 

Leave this woman alone. When you see her picture the danger / poison symbol over her face.

[preraph]

This woman isn't the least bit into you and has made that clear repeatedly. She's too young for you, too. She works with you, so you have really crossed many boundaries and really ought to be fired for harassment. She doesn't owe you a thing. You need to see a therapist and find out why you are so entitled that you can't take "no" for an answer. I'm telling this for your own good, because you are messing up your life. Leave this woman totally alone.

[HiCrunchy]

No offense, ur being creepy bro, especially since she has given multiple hints that she isnt into u.

She is not an ex or a fling so not sure why ur so invested in her. U dont really know her.

Plus, she is a kid. Just 3 years ago she would have been 17..

And u would have been 30...

Let that sink in....

[Whodatdog]

You are harrassing her. You are one step away from being fired, or worse.

[Mr. Lucky]

She to this day does not make an effort to talk to me, and it really tears me up inside to where I despise working when is there. We thankfully only work together 3 days out of 5.

 

Paragraphs my friend, paragraphs. Your giant block of text is almost impossible to read.

 

Someone has already used the word "entitlement" and it's a perfect fit. Beyond the fact you're 13 years older than her and that alone could explain her disinterest, I don't understand why you feel she owes you the time of day? She's plainly told you "no", in every way from verbal to reporting you to HR. In this instance, you're a slow learner...

 

Mr. Lucky

[BaileyB]

I've long been known as the nicest guy at my job

 

Sure, except when you are harassing innocent women in the workplace.

 

Dude, what part of the word "NO" do you not understand?

 

Cease and desist before you lose your job or find yourself in a court of law...

[MidwestUSA]

I certainly have to commend the poor girl for not quitting her job, and running in fear, because at that age, I probably would have.

 

Do yourself and everyone else a favor. Find another pizza joint to deliver for, and move on before you get fired and/or end up on the receiving end of harassment charges.

 

Your former boss was in the wrong as well, talking about this girl's attractiveness to the rest of the 'guys'. A man would have stepped in and shut him down for his inappropriateness.

 

Did you not willingly take her shift? Did you get paid for it? She owes you nothing.

 

I predict you're going to have a lot of trouble in workplaces in the future. You'd better get a grip now.

 

And I'm not sure what the black vs white thing was about. How big is the chip on your shoulder? My reply would stand if you were both green. This is the creepiest thing I've read in a while, and that's saying a lot.

[rovers14]

Others have already touched on how you've been acting, and I agree with all of it. So what I will say is something to help you get past your crush.

 

What you need to do is first of all, delete her number from you phone. Why? Every time you see her on your contacts list you are going to think about texting her, so just do it, there's no coming back from this one, it's never going to happen anyway.

 

Next, look for every single reason why you shouldn't be together and focus on those things. She's 20 and you're 33, that might not seem like a big deal but think about how immature 20 year olds can be. I'm 31 and can't stand sitting at a table with 20 year old girls no matter how attractive they are because either a LOT has changed in a little over a decade or I myself have changed that much. This is one huge reason why you shouldn't be together.

 

Look for every little thing that you don't like and let that be the focus. Now think about your absolute ideal woman, the woman you could bring back to your family with your head held high, the woman that you would normally dream about before this girl became your obsession. Think about how she doesn't even compare to that woman. If none of this works then think about this...you guys had a falling out before you were even a thing, even if she did say yes you will quickly find out that you are NOT compatible with each other. Don't waste your time.

 

I hope you learned some things from this man. I hope you learned that first off, you never call a woman a bitch, especially if you're interested in her. Second, TREAD CAREFULLY WITH COWORKERS! Third, we all get rejected, and it sucks, it's part of being a man. Sometimes you can persevere and win her over, but other times there are clear signs when it's never going to happen. You were given those signs, you really need to learn to pick up on them because if you don't and you continue to try, you are walking a fine line between desperation and harassment.

[stillafool]

You are acting as if you are entitled to her attention which you are not. She is correct that your behavior is rude and a bit overbearing. When she said she wasn't interested and backed away you should have done the same thing. She is not interested and never led you on to make you think she was. You need to get your temper and ego in check or they will cause you more problems later on; possibly jail. I agree with whomever said the Black and White thing doesn't matter but the 13 year age difference definitely does.

Edited September 5, 2018 by stillafool