jpuser Posted August 31, 2018 Share Posted August 31, 2018 Hi all I have been seeing a girl for over 6 months now. During the time I have been seeing her (and before) I have had a painting on my stairs that is really good but happened to be painted by my ex of 5 years who i broke up with at the start of last year (who I have a bit of an ongoing legal battle with). A couple of weeks ago I decided to decorate a wall with about 50+ photos. In one of the photos I was in fancy dress and with my best friend, my ex also happened to be in that photo (not standing next to me). My current girlfriend is super upset about this and accusing me of disrespecting her and now has decided she has a massive issue with the photo and the painting. I think its ridiculous and petty. The painting for me is there as I love the painting and been there since before I met my girlfriend (not because of who painted it) and the photo is funny as its fancy dress and with my best mate. I discussed it with her and apparently it is nothing because of jealously but she doesn't want reminding of my ex or the situation thats ongoing. Which I guess I can understand but don't agree should be an issue for her. Do you think I am right in that this shouldn't be an issue or that I am being insensitive/disrespectful and should take it down? Thanks for the help! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 31, 2018 Share Posted August 31, 2018 when it comes to women you can be right or you can be happy, choose one 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 31, 2018 Share Posted August 31, 2018 Over the fireplace in the house I share with my husband is an oil painting painted for me by my EX, the guy I dated right before I met my husband. Just because I cherish the painting does not mean I want my EX back or even that I miss him. On his birthday & on the anniversary of his death I do get a little sad that he passed away but even if he was alive I would not want to date him. Your GF has no right to tell you how to decorate your house. If you are pining for the EX, break up with the GF. If you simply love the painting / stairs, keep the art, ditch the controlling insecure new GF. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted August 31, 2018 Share Posted August 31, 2018 THis is a thing that varies by person. Some people, whenever they break up with someone, burn that person from their lives completely. All photos, chucked or photoshopped to remove THAT JERK from them. All facebook posts, deleted. All items at the house, dropped on the curb for the garbage man. As much as possible, they want to pretend that relationship never existed. Some people are more chill about their pasts. It happened, there were good parts and bad parts, it's over now. This group of people is more likely to box up things related to the ex and store them out of the way in case they ever want them again, and sees no reason to destroy cool things like your painting just because they're associated with an ex. And some people build shrines to their exes and continue mournfully self-pleasuring over their private photo colllections. People from different groups do not always understand each other very well. If she's a "burn it all down" type, she may freak out at you keeping anything at all. That doesn't make either of you objectively wrong, just different. However, you're going to have to come to some sort of agreement if you want to stay together. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 1, 2018 Share Posted September 1, 2018 This is a single picture we're talking about, right? No, you're not wrong or unreasonable... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author jpuser Posted September 1, 2018 Author Share Posted September 1, 2018 Thanks for all the replies so far Yes it is one photo (and she is not even next to me). Link to post Share on other sites
HardChoice Posted September 1, 2018 Share Posted September 1, 2018 Sounds like an insecure girlfriend. Did she make some other kind of troubles ? Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted September 1, 2018 Share Posted September 1, 2018 I see two possible compromises. Remove the photo with your ex in it, but keep the painting up, or, keep all the pictures and remove the gf (especially if there are any other issues, or if the relationship is lacking anything that matters to you). Link to post Share on other sites
MountainGirl111 Posted September 1, 2018 Share Posted September 1, 2018 (edited) She can't DELETE your past. She's going to have to come to terms with the fact that you've had previous girlfriends. This may be an opportunity for growth on her part mainly, but also on your part. She's obviously insecure. How can she become more secure....perhaps she could explore that....and you can help her by using good communication, etc. If she could somehow be REASSURED that you are with her now and a painting by an ex GF doesn't change that fact. Having a painting in your place done by an ex is nothing compared to if said ex was in your lives in person! Edited September 1, 2018 by MountainGirl111 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 1, 2018 Share Posted September 1, 2018 I wouldn't give up the painting for her. But as someone who has 65 photos lining my hall and nearly everyone I ever dated up there, here's how to fix the photo thing. Photoshop. I know you want that part of you in it, but you're going to have to crop the girlfriend out. You can still keep the original but it won't go on your wall. In the alternative, you can make a copy and keep the original hidden, take a Sharpie and draw horns and a mustache on her and leave it as is. But tell your gf the painting stays because it's art and not because it's sentimental to you. You might go to the art gallery and pick out a new piece with a price tag somewhere around $3000 and take a photo of it, including price tag and tell your gf if she would like to replace it with this, you'll take the other down. You have to play hardball with these people who can't acknowledge you had a life before them. As an aside, I once coerced a better photo of one ex out of him by telling him I'd put all my photos up and the only one I had of him was that night we all got drunk and were posing with Donny Osmond. I told him, "I don't know if you remember, but you were standing between me and Donny and you had on your glasses (ruins his looks) and it looked like you had a boner. He sent me a better photo forthwith. I still didn't take the other photo down as promised, but he doesn't know it yet. Even though we dated 40 years ago, I still remove the two photos I have up of me and the guy who stole his second wife from him when he's coming over, which only happens maybe once a year to pick me up for a concert. Out of courtesy. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 1, 2018 Share Posted September 1, 2018 tell her that IF you two get married then you'll get rid of the stuff...that placates her and buys you time. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted September 3, 2018 Share Posted September 3, 2018 No, you're not wrong. But I can also sympathize with your GF's thoughts. It's most likely because she doesn't feel secure about her place in your life. You've only been together a little over 6 months, you have a 5+ year history with your ex. She should feel more secure as time goes on. She may just need more assurance from you than you expected. Link to post Share on other sites
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