Embarassed Posted September 6, 2005 Share Posted September 6, 2005 My husband told me last night that I want sex too much. I'm hurt. I don't ask that often, maybe once or twice a week. He complained that when he was single he could handle things himself in under five minutes, but I take longer and it's a hassle. I don't get it. I thought guys wanted sex? He said "I'm not cheating on you and I still find you attractive" yet he doesn't want me? Is it really that much of an effort to put in five dang minutes? I put in more than that on his meals, laundry, etc. Should I just hand him a PBJ and soapy wet laundry? Here ya go Lover, didn't want to take more than 4 minutes and 59 seconds. He also said he missed being single sometimes. Well neato. Now I feel cherished and special. I feel so alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Eaglepa Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Your not alone, I am in the same sistuation, just in reverse. Sorry I dont ahve any to help.... Link to post Share on other sites
NTB Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 My husband told me last night that I want sex too much. I'm hurt. i think this might belong over at the "meanest/crappiest thing anyone said" thread but on another note other people have better advice on this topic cause i'm not married but if you look around you will find other threads with almost the same issues that might be able to help you out. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 There is something else going on in his head.. It doesn't have anything to do with sex. soemthing is bothering him and that is what is messing with his sex drive. He could be stressed out or just depressed.. Talk to him about what he going on in his head Link to post Share on other sites
Blackfrost Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Originally Posted by Embarassed My husband told me last night that I want sex too much. I'm hurt. i think this might belong over at the "meanest/crappiest thing anyone said" thread O I see, it's okay for women to say that to men, but reverse the genders and it becomes something mean and crappy... Link to post Share on other sites
Chimerical Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 I can understand how you feel. It sounds as if the sex life got a bit routine. Have you tried "spicing" it up for him. What makes him excited, not what makes you excited. I'm going off of past experience. I felt the way your hubby does, except toward my exH. Except my exH didn't want to put any work in to making sure I was excited too. He figured if he was, I shoud be, and frankly after a while it wasn't so exciting just to see him excited. And then it became a hassel. He's not saying he isn't attracted to you, correct? Or that he wants anyone else? You're going to really have to bust your ass if you want to add some sparks back to your life. He probably isn't going to be very helpful about it either. Talk to him and see if you can get him to agree to try with you. Have a plan for how to spice things up first though. Just some ideas. Instead of just saying you want him to have sex with you. That kind of comes off as it's his fault, and suddenly your attacking his manhood, etc. etc. It won't go well if you do that. He's less likely to negate what you're saying if you've got an idea of how to solve the problem before approaching him with the problem again. He might not know what to do about it, or want to do anything about if he thinks it's just going to be him doing all the work. Not sure if that'll help or not, but personally if you ignore the problem it won't end up good. Maybe you've both lost the creativity involved in sex. You shouldn't have to do all the work, but it'll probably feel like it. If you start the ball rolling, maybe he'll pick up the momentum after a while. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 9, 2005 Share Posted September 9, 2005 My husband told me last night that I want sex too much. I'm hurt. I don't ask that often, maybe once or twice a week. He complained that when he was single he could handle things himself in under five minutes, but I take longer and it's a hassle. I don't get it. I thought guys wanted sex? He said "I'm not cheating on you and I still find you attractive" yet he doesn't want me? Is it really that much of an effort to put in five dang minutes? I put in more than that on his meals, laundry, etc. Should I just hand him a PBJ and soapy wet laundry? Here ya go Lover, didn't want to take more than 4 minutes and 59 seconds. He also said he missed being single sometimes. Well neato. Now I feel cherished and special. I feel so alone. How long have you been married? Take the focus off of having sex so much and spend some quality time together. Go to the movies, enjoy eachother's company...Even hold hands and make out abit, but no sex...Let him make the move and flirt with you. Be into him, but in a different way...Maybe he does need to talk, maybe he's depressed or stressed from work...Obviously the daily routine has to be spiced up as he said he's missing being single. To me, what that means is just doing what you want, when you want and having no responsibility or accountability to anybody. Really, these are his issues that have nothing to do with you...He has to sort it out, so be available when he's ready to talk. Don't push him though as men tend to talk when they're good and ready...Ya push, he'll clam up and take his time...Just talking from my own experience... I understand how you feel in a way because in my house, I'm the one who usually wants sex. Seems my hubby and I have role reversal that way. The thing is, I am happy now. In the past it was a sensitive issue, but once I realized his sex drive had nothing to do me, it's just the way he is - I backed off, stopped focussing so much on trying to get laid, and we got closer. I wouldn't let it upset me because I know how much he loved me. I hope things get better for you and for now, hehehe, buy a vibe, have some fun and let him know you got it going on...I'll bet that will get him going abit more! Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted September 9, 2005 Share Posted September 9, 2005 Is it really that much of an effort to put in five dang minutes? I put in more than that on his meals, laundry, etc. Should I just hand him a PBJ and soapy wet laundry? Here ya go Lover, didn't want to take more than 4 minutes and 59 seconds. Omg that just made me laugh! I see what you're saying! Well I'm going to go out on a limb here... is it possible your husband is having a mid life crisis:confused: This is something that needs to be addressed.. You shouldn't feel badly for wanting intimacy with your husband your needs and wants are just as important... don't settle for he is tired this, that, the other... let him know you love him and this is important to you. Hang in there Link to post Share on other sites
shebapug Posted September 9, 2005 Share Posted September 9, 2005 i KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL. MY BOYFRIEND IS 22, pRIME AGE? i AM TRYING TO FIGURE THIS ONE OUT TOO. yOU ARE NOT ALONE Link to post Share on other sites
ThatOneGuy Posted September 9, 2005 Share Posted September 9, 2005 O I see, it's okay for women to say that to men, but reverse the genders and it becomes something mean and crappy... Yeah, Don't try to fight it or throw some logic in there, You'll just get yelled at. Link to post Share on other sites
Huskie Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 My 2 cents... My fiance says i want sex too much and feels she cant keep up. It is quite easy to get around it. I just rip her pants/skirt/dress/knickers off and go down on her for 5 minutes. PRESTO! Excited fiance! maybe you should give that a shot? I know i am not addressing potential emotional/deeper things going on here, but seriously, im not sure i know a man who can stay unexcited after receiving oral sex for five minutes. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 I think one of the things that stuck out in my mind was when he just all of a sudden said, "I'm not cheating on you." I'm assumming you didn't ask this to him, he just came out and told this to you? Maybe he assummed that since he didn't want sex as much as you, he thought thats what you would think. Which might be the case for some people. However, I guess I thought it was odd simply because(and I use this as an example), its like when my son was doing something he wasn't supossed too, (I didn't know it at the time), but when I walked in his room, he came up to me out of the blue and said, "I didn't do nothing." Well I didn't say he did, but he was real quick to tell me anyway. Come to find out he had hid his sisters baby doll in the clothes hamper. She didn't know it, and I didn't know and had he said nothing, then I wouldn't have thought it was odd for him to say something like that when nothing was even asked about. So basically my son gave himself away when he said what he said. Not saying thats the case with your husband at all, just saying thats what struck me as odd about him saying that, then again it may have been he just wanted to reasure you. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
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