xxgreen20 Posted September 1, 2018 Share Posted September 1, 2018 (edited) I have a friend who is only 18 years old whose father recently decided to rent him out a luxury apartment in a 60-story building in Manhattan. Some of the features this place has are nicely dressed doormen opening every single door, a spacious elevator, a lobby that is probably bigger than my parents house, a huge pool and lounge area, and penthouses. The apartment itself is colossal with a floor-to-ceiling window in the living room and another huge bedroom with a king-sized bed and a glass, walk in shower. I have been here several times as we are good friends, and I am happy for him as best as I can be, but I cannot help thinking how wrong this situation is. He does come from a family with a ton of money, but by no means would I ever pay in full for my child to live in a place like this, that many working adults can't even afford. My friend is a hard worker and in college like I am, but the fact that his father pays for him to live in a place that I would almost feel guilty living in really irritates me. At his age too. I use it as a motivator for me to continue being a good student and get a good job, but I think it is so wrong. Am I missing something here? Would any other parents actually let their child live in a place like this, without contributing anything to rent or utilities? The place is basically handed to my friend on a silver platter. Edited September 5, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 1, 2018 Share Posted September 1, 2018 Perhaps the parents were treated to luxury by their own parents and it's their normal. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 1, 2018 Share Posted September 1, 2018 My friend is a hard worker and in college like I am, but the fact that his father pays for him to live in a place that I would almost feel guilty living in really irritates me. Why does it bother you? My high school drew from several areas, one of them very affluent, and it was nothing to see kids driving new BMV convertibles provided by their parents on their 16th birthday. People tend to provide amenities proportionate to their income... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Whodatdog Posted September 1, 2018 Share Posted September 1, 2018 Its obvious his family is very very wealthy. I hate to think what the rent is for that place. That being said, Im sure he was raised in that lifestyle and he and his parents are used to that lifestyle. Nothing wrong with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 1, 2018 Share Posted September 1, 2018 No but I couldn't afford to either... I am a person who lives within his means and is raising our son the same way so I believe that even if I could afford it I wouldn't.. I would however help him get setup with roomates somewhere as I feel that is part of growing up. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 1, 2018 Share Posted September 1, 2018 I wouldn't do that, but why does it irritate you so much? Does it bother you horribly when other people win the lottery and such, too? Link to post Share on other sites
anduina Posted September 1, 2018 Share Posted September 1, 2018 No interest in having children but if I did and could afford it, I'd do it since the kid has been described as a hard worker in college. xxgreen20, where do you live and who's paying for it? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 1, 2018 Share Posted September 1, 2018 People with money raise their kids and their kids get used to money, so this is what he's doing. I know what you mean. I mean, would be nice to teach a kid to earn his way, but we don't know he's not also imparting infinite financial wisdom to the kid. I mean, no place in Manhattan is cheap, so if you're sending your kid to school in Manhattan, they're going to be living well if they're at all close to school. Seriously, if you compare the possible negative outcome her to the possible negative outcome of the parents who lets their kid live at home instead of moving out and supporting themselves, it's one and the same outcome. The latter is done very day these days. I'm sure the dad has some sort of employment and education plan for the son. Unlike the parent who never kicks their kid out to support himself. Link to post Share on other sites
anduina Posted September 1, 2018 Share Posted September 1, 2018 Yes, it's all relative and that was my point too. To a kid living on the street, your life would appear to be unfairly luxurious. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted September 1, 2018 Share Posted September 1, 2018 I wouldn’t. But it’s easy to say that when we’re not ultra wealthy. In any case, it’s their life. Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted September 2, 2018 Share Posted September 2, 2018 I would never rent a luxury apartment in Manhattan for my child. But then, I don't like apartments and I would disapprove to a move to the East Coast. So many better ways to spend your money. For what a 900 square foot hole in the wall in Manhattan costs yearly, you could purchase a small house in the Midwest outright in a year or two. There's nothing wrong with living a nice life. My house would probably seem unfairly lavish compared to many. What I have a problem with is conspicuous waste...a situation where money is spent and zero value is retained. Renting luxury spaces, fancy travel, eating out at expensive restaurants - those things retain no value. Once it is gone, it is gone. Link to post Share on other sites
Penguin_hugs Posted September 2, 2018 Share Posted September 2, 2018 Nope I doubt I would ever pay for luxury like that as I feel like everyone needs to start from scratch- but I empathise with sometimes feeling resentful. My parents divorced when I was 11 and money was even tighter after. My mum worked so hard at her job, increased all her hours just keeping us afloat- and my dad moved abroad to avoid paying maintenance money (which was a measley £200- no idea how he got out of any more!).... I lived in a small 2 bedroom house with my mum and we saved for mini luxuries- cinema trips etc. I didn't go on expensive school trips- I learnt not to ask because I could see how upset it would make my mum when she would calculate finances and know we couldn't afford it. Compare that to my cousins who lived in a million pound mansion... their dad was from a wealthy family and worked in banking- they had no understanding about money- overly spoilt and were handed everything. Aunt and Uncle also split and he ended up paying £5k maintenance a month! Now as adults my cousins have no appreciation for money. They were each given £50k for a house deposit so all 3 of them own homes. My grandparents pester me often about why don't I buy considering my cousins have... well I don't have a £50k gift!! Deposits are at least £30-40k where I live- I've only been qualified 2 years and I quit a well paid private sector job for a more satisfying public health job... money isn't a main motivation for me. But after all that- I've been noted by family members that I am way happier and more well rounded than my cousins! So money isn't everything. Just remember that if you get frustrated! Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted September 2, 2018 Share Posted September 2, 2018 OP your post is reminiscent to me of some of the conversations with friends around my daughter's first car. Her father and I bought her a European 'luxury' car. And some of our friends thought we were being overly indulgent. Our response was we bought her the safest car available on the market at the time - too many young people die in car accidents because they don't have the experience to respond appropriately to unforeseen events and the sh*tbox car they're in doesn't have the safety features. She was, and is precious cargo - she's still driving that car eight years later. Equate that to accommodation, and I don't think we would have got her anything as salubrious as you describe. But we also wouldn't have batted an eyelid, even at a premium, at renting her an apartment we deemed fit for purpose to study - in a good, safe, quiet neighbourhood with enough space for comfort. Incidentally she lived with me until she was 23 and finished her masters. Rent, but not household responsibility free. And her father and I were insistent that she should not work unless she felt it were something she needed to do - as far as we were concerned studying was her full time occupation. She's now on her own and doing incredibly well and I'm so proud of her! And she's incredibly appreciative of the opportunities she's had in life. And committed to paying it forward to her children should she have them. It's all relative... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 2, 2018 Share Posted September 2, 2018 OP your post is reminiscent to me of some of the conversations with friends around my daughter's first car. Her father and I bought her a European 'luxury' car. And some of our friends thought we were being overly indulgent. Our response was we bought her the safest car available on the market at the time - too many young people die in car accidents because they don't have the experience to respond appropriately to unforeseen events and the sh*tbox car they're in doesn't have the safety features. She was, and is precious cargo - she's still driving that car eight years later. Equate that to accommodation, and I don't think we would have got her anything as salubrious as you describe. But we also wouldn't have batted an eyelid, even at a premium, at renting her an apartment we deemed fit for purpose to study - in a good, safe, quiet neighbourhood with enough space for comfort. Incidentally she lived with me until she was 23 and finished her masters. Rent, but not household responsibility free. And her father and I were insistent that she should not work unless she felt it were something she needed to do - as far as we were concerned studying was her full time occupation. She's now on her own and doing incredibly well and I'm so proud of her! And she's incredibly appreciative of the opportunities she's had in life. And committed to paying it forward to her children should she have them. It's all relative... A decent apartment in a safe neighbourhood definitely makes sense - a luxury apartment with a doorman and pool doesn't. But I agree with you that it's a balance. Living in ****ty accommodation that's too hot and noisy to study in is going to adversely affect results - why wouldn't anyone want to give their child a leg up in life if they could? On the other hand, unnecessary luxuries that don't affect their college results should be avoided IMO. That being said, it sounds like the OP's jealousy is a far bigger issue here. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted September 2, 2018 Share Posted September 2, 2018 Try not to judge others. It’s their money and their life. Like you said, he’s a hard worker. Plus, he doesn’t sound like one to show off his money and look down upon others from humble backgrounds. So what’s the problem? Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted September 2, 2018 Share Posted September 2, 2018 You seem jealous. At least your friend is getting an education instead of doing nothing with his life. Link to post Share on other sites
shellybing Posted September 2, 2018 Share Posted September 2, 2018 I personally would not do that, even if I had enough money to do so. I do not judge others for doing so. I have a made a good online friend who owns a business in silicon valley, that is affluent and came up from the bottom. He is a very mild mannered and good person inside his heart. He recently posted a photo of a flashy car he bought because it was a "good deal." He doesn't even drive it because he is so nerdy and introverted that he doesn't like the attention it gets when he takes it out. Some people have money. It doesn't mean their life is perfect. He is a lonely man in a marriage who just happens to be well off. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted September 3, 2018 Share Posted September 3, 2018 If I was wealthy, my thing would personally be helping rescue perfectly healthy animals that are to be killed in shelters. Sure, I would live well and when it comes to any hypothetical kids I may have - I would house them during Uni, but I would tell them they have to live with me or they are on their own. If the kid was too fussy to accept a perfectly nice home without having to work during college - then I cannot see why providing them with easy luxury that most adults never afford is a good life lesson. I am not all for making college kids suffer - in fact, I will personally offer my would be children the option of living at time with mum and dad and NOT having to work if their degree is a hard one... I was spoilt and treated a life of travel overseas and luxury myself and it did me no favours. As a child yes - the security was GREAT, I had an amazing childhood and I do feel having money is optimal for younger kids, as they do better when they do not sense financial stress; kids know when mum and dad are unsure whether or not they can even pay for food and electricity and rent each week... It did make me entitled and into a lazy @sshole though due to the fact they maintained their generosity well into adulthood - it made me wait until nearly 30 to even bother with college actually, as I assumed I could enjoy travelling the world - and just call mum and dad when in Russia and I gambled my money away cos no worries, mum and dad will help:sick: I am a hard worker now and am on the right track, and I value money now; I developed a medical condition that requires 200 plus a week on natural remedies, as the medical treatment sucks and natural remedies are the best way for my condition. It was developing a medical condition during college, when the degree was too hard for me to work more than a day or two a week and I could not afford treatment - that made me have that aha moment of " this is how the average person lives, students cannot afford acupuncture and medical grade vitamin supplements to regular hormones and etc - they suffer until they graduate, most cannot even afford enough food or any medical treatment at all..... Had my parents cut off their generosity at age 18, I would have managed better and finished my degree earlier and likely have kids and my own house by now:sick: It made me feel better than people who lived pay check to pay check which is a disgusting attitude - and I am inherently a nice, empathetic person yet there was no escaping the feeling of entitlement when I, myself got everything handed to me. I had to do some soul searching and face true adversity head on and have to go without - for it to all click that life is hard for most people, and most people work their @ssess off just to not have to worry about rent on time, medical care and basic needs. I also learnt people who struggle initially and then make it are the real ones to admire, rather than the Kardashians who sure they may "work hard", but they never faced struggles or build character in order to amass their great fortunes - none of the kids truly earned their millions the normal way that builds character. Not bad people by any means, but.. entitled - I know folks who went to school with that famous family and who met them in college and yes they are entitled people who think they earned it all themselves, rather than have mum and dad provide them with the opportunities others never had; wouldn't we all be ding well if we had millions to put into business ventures? SO yes, it is a bad thing to help kids TOO MUCH during college. Paying petrol and rent when they are struggling is fine, but kids should either suck it up and live at home OR move into a share house - a good parent should never let their kid go hungry, and should support their kid graduate a degree if the kid cannot afford to get to class... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted September 3, 2018 Share Posted September 3, 2018 You seem jealous. At least your friend is getting an education instead of doing nothing with his life. I am not jealous but I come from parents who had money growing up and I wish that they hadn't made it so easy for me to be lazy and entitled. I by no means think parents should just shove their kid out the door at age 18 and make them work 30 hours a week during a physiotherapy degree, either; some degrees SUCK, and require the students to not work much, if at all. But providing a safe home with mum and dad - or paying say, half their rent in a cheap share house, and paying for their fuel when they run out- is as good as it gets - it allows character to develop - whilst also eliminating the stress of burning out on 80 - 100 hour weeks due to having to work a lot during a difficult degree. I mean sure, life is hard and while gross luxury is not a good lesson, neither is making a poor 18 year old suffer with no food or gas whilst they do 30 hours of work a week, whilst also doing a very hard degree. I believe students should focus on their studies without stressing too much about whether or not they can eat or afford gas to attend college - I do not think it is a hindrance on their characters for them to live in a share house and work a day a week whilst, occasionally, accepting help for gas money; they should be able to achieve good grades without working themselves to the bone, as some degrees are tough enough without additional full time work... Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted September 3, 2018 Share Posted September 3, 2018 I am not jealous but I come from parents who had money growing up and I wish that they hadn't made it so easy for me to be lazy and entitled. I by no means think parents should just shove their kid out the door at age 18 and make them work 30 hours a week during a physiotherapy degree, either; some degrees SUCK, and require the students to not work much, if at all. But providing a safe home with mum and dad - or paying say, half their rent in a cheap share house, and paying for their fuel when they run out- is as good as it gets - it allows character to develop - whilst also eliminating the stress of burning out on 80 - 100 hour weeks due to having to work a lot during a difficult degree. I mean sure, life is hard and while gross luxury is not a good lesson, neither is making a poor 18 year old suffer with no food or gas whilst they do 30 hours of work a week, whilst also doing a very hard degree. I believe students should focus on their studies without stressing too much about whether or not they can eat or afford gas to attend college - I do not think it is a hindrance on their characters for them to live in a share house and work a day a week whilst, occasionally, accepting help for gas money; they should be able to achieve good grades without working themselves to the bone, as some degrees are tough enough without additional full time work... My post was directed at the OP and not you. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted September 3, 2018 Share Posted September 3, 2018 when i became homeless as a teen i begged to come home and my father told me ...you made your bed ....lie in it..... and knowing the devastation,isolation and loss that happened after that in my life....i would never want any child of mine or any other persons child to be homeless or have to struggle and go dark side as i did...i could never afford to give any of my children such luxury as yoru friend has..... and i dont know that i would if i had the money.... i would make sure however they ate had a roof over their head and can rely on me for help if they need it....its what i do now...even though...i am not rich...i support my family in many ways you said your friend is a hard worker.....concentrate on that even though he has had an abode given to him...be proud he is such a hard worker and money has not made him feel entitled and above others... and love him as your friend.. i have a problem with rich people who treat others badly........who feel entitled to do so.....the kind of richie would walk past a homeless girl and sneer at them and tell them to get a job not knowing the circumstances or what happened to that girl the night before.........that sort of attitude..not all people who struggle ...should have to experience gut wrenching pain....like not all rich people are asses...is what i have to remember...met a lot of rich asses though and met a lot of people who have had to suffer the rich..and i am unapologetically bias from experience ...but your friend....is your friend who is a hard worker......concentrate on that...concentrate on who he is what he stands for what he believes in how his heart is warm.......rather than what he has that you dont have....jealousy is a curse on any friendship..........deb 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fieldoflavender Posted September 4, 2018 Share Posted September 4, 2018 Why does it bother you? My high school drew from several areas, one of them very affluent, and it was nothing to see kids driving new BMV convertibles provided by their parents on their 16th birthday. People tend to provide amenities proportionate to their income... Mr. Lucky It's a great way to teach kids to be responsible and spend within their means and that money doesn't fall off trees..... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 4, 2018 Share Posted September 4, 2018 It's a great way to teach kids to be responsible and spend within their means and that money doesn't fall off trees..... If you're the scion of a rich family, it may be more important to learn about property management, capital gains taxes and dividend reinvestment. As I said, it's all relative... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted September 5, 2018 Share Posted September 5, 2018 Let's keep the fighting off the open forum please, on topic posts only... thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxgreen20 Posted September 5, 2018 Author Share Posted September 5, 2018 You seem jealous. At least your friend is getting an education instead of doing nothing with his life. Hey, I never said I was jealous or doing nothing with my life. I am also in college. I just think it is ridiculous and excessive that his father felt he needed a place like this and decided to just hand it to him. I can go over whenever I want, and I do, but I think it's a lot different than if he paid for it himself with his money from work. Link to post Share on other sites
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