WhiteLilly Posted September 3, 2018 Share Posted September 3, 2018 (edited) My daughter, 23, recently got engaged to a beautiful young lady, 19. I was pretty worried about it at first, they're both so young and in a same sex relationship, but they've been dating for little more than a year now and are in love. I met my daughter's FIL a few weeks ago. She already met him a couple of months into the relationship and has been socializing with him since. He's very affectionate with his daughter. I've seen him on a few occasions holding his daughter's hand or having his arm around her shoulder. She still calls him daddy even though she's 19 and kisses him on the lips. It's more of a peck but still surprising. Ever since our daughter's got engaged he's become just as affectionate with my daughter as well. He's told her she's not "allowed" to call him by his name anymore and has to call him dad or daddy. I've also seen him holding her hand or giving her a kiss or a peck or whatever on the lips. My own daughter doesn't seem to mind any of this. She absolutely adores him. They even say I love you to each other! The funny thing is that he wasn't very comfortable with her dating his daughter when they first met. He wasn't very comfortable with his daughter dating another woman and wouldn't even let them sleep in the same room. He seems to have gradually warmed up to her and ever since she's been engaged seems to almost consider her a daughter at this point. My daughter's biological father isn't in the picture and hasn't been since she was 2 so I guess she doesn't mind. He's also living with his girlfriend who is 25 years old. He's 47! I don't really like the age difference there either. He's actually talked about marrying her and even getting having another baby. So I guess I'm wondering what do I do about this at this point? Any suggestions? Edited September 3, 2018 by WhiteLilly Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted September 3, 2018 Share Posted September 3, 2018 Is there a culture difference involved? It sounds like he's treating his future daughter-in-law just like he treats his daughter. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 3, 2018 Share Posted September 3, 2018 Did you ask your daughter how she feels about him giving her pecks on the lips? You must be close enough to your daughter to ask her this. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 3, 2018 Share Posted September 3, 2018 Ask your daughter how she feels about it. The fact he's dating right around his daughter's age is the bad indicator. It means he doesn't just feel fatherly about women this age, so I do understand your concern. I think you need to be sure your daughter knows how to speak up and draw a boundary with him if he crosses the line. Just ask her how she feels and listen and then say, Now, if he touched you inappropriately, would you be able to speak up and firmly tell him to stop? And point out to her that he's dating younger women, so he doesn't just view them as daughterly. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 3, 2018 Share Posted September 3, 2018 I think you need to be sure your daughter knows how to speak up and draw a boundary with him if he crosses the line. Just ask her how she feels and listen and then say, Now, if he touched you inappropriately, would you be able to speak up and firmly tell him to stop? And point out to her that he's dating younger women, so he doesn't just view them as daughterly. Several Olympic-sized leaps here, not to mention suggesting the OP treat her 23-year old daughter like a child. Doesn't make any more sense than implying the girls are being seductive by allowing him to be affectionate. WhiteLilly, I'd mention to your daughter that what you've seen makes you uncomfortable. And then I'd let it go... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 3, 2018 Share Posted September 3, 2018 I would most definitely tell your daughter that what you have seen makes you uncomfortable. She is an adult, she can do with that information what she will... You are not wrong to be concerned, this would make me terribly uncomfortable if my daughter in a similar situation... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author WhiteLilly Posted September 5, 2018 Author Share Posted September 5, 2018 Did you ask your daughter how she feels about him giving her pecks on the lips? You must be close enough to your daughter to ask her this. Unfortunately she doesn't mind. She basically considers him a father at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted September 5, 2018 Share Posted September 5, 2018 tred lightly. if your daughter sees him as a father figure, you will put questions in her mind and harm her relationship with him and eventually her stbewife. she won't forget what you tell her, she will question every move he makes. ask her, "is it nice to have a father figure in your life, at last? just bring up what he brings to her life. let her answer. she might say that she doesn't like anyone kissing her on the lips or she might say it's great to have a family. for me, it's too much. unless they are going to live with him and his girlfriend, let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 5, 2018 Share Posted September 5, 2018 Some daughters are very affectionate with their parents. I've known them to kiss (pecks) with their moms and dads. I live in the southern US and women in their 50s still call their fathers Daddy so that isn't strange to me. This man obviously knows your daughter is not interested in sex with men so I can't see why he would have any intention on seducing her. I can also see why he was at first uncomfortable with his daughter and your daughter sleeping together as maybe it took him longer to accept that his daughter is gay. As far as his young gf goes; well he's obviously a sexy older man who can attract younger women. IDK but if your daughter isn't worried about it and seems to like it I would let it go until further notice. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 5, 2018 Share Posted September 5, 2018 Unfortunately she doesn't mind. She basically considers him a father at this point. As a mom myself I completely understand your discomfort. Personally I think he's a dirty dog for doing this but your daughter is an adult and she doesn't mind so you have to live with it for now. Your daughter and this young lady are very young and inexperienced, they're been dating shortly and are still on their honeymoon phase. What are the chances of this lasting long term eh? especially the other one still being a teen girl. Let it go for now, keep a close connection to your daughter so she is comfortable confining in you if something the matter arise. Link to post Share on other sites
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