Friend told me her true feelings. How do I resolve this?

[cheeselouise]

Last year my friend told me that she had been in love with me for most of our relationship (7 of the ~15 years we have been friends). She said that her unrequited feelings hurt her very badly making her very depressed and suicidal. She said that she was now over me and that she wanted to be friends still. Also, she mentioned that she had told the other people in our close friend group about her feelings around the time she realized she had them. It came as an absolute shock to me because I trusted all of these people. I saw none of the red flags. Nobody told me I was affecting her like this. However, since she said that she was over me and still wanted to be friends, we decided to try and stay friends. I had known her for a very long time. I couldn't imagine not being friends with her and I trusted her completely.

After several months now of trying to make our friendship work, I now know that I have made a mistake. It has come to a point where I think the friendship is not salvageable. I get very anxious around her, I am very angry with her and it's just not the same between us because I feel like I can't trust her like I used to. Along with the lack of trust, I am alone with these feelings. She is fine and apparently doesn't harbor any ill will with me. It seems I am the one hung up on this and making it fall apart. Am I wrong for feeling like this was a violation of trust and for still being hung up on this even though she said we could still be friends? I still feel like I am responsible for this and I plan on ending all of this craziness between us soon. I don't understand how she is not hung up on this like I am. I guess I am crazy for feeling weird about this whole situation.

I want to end this relationship but I am struggling on how to do that. I have known her forever and she was my closest friend for a long time. In hindsight, I know I should have ended it a year ago when she told me, but I wanted to try and stay friends. All of my draft responses to her were over the top and things I know I will regret saying. It is hard for me to be level headed about this situation even after a year. Time isn't healing this for me like I thought it would.

Any advice on how to end this the right way would be greatly appreciated.

[bathtub-row]

I had a good friend who was crazy about me for years but I had no feelings for him other than friendship. His feelings didn’t phase me at all. What other people think and feel is their responsibility. Hey, if she wants to jump off a cliff over you, that’s her choice. I’m not sure why you’re so bothered by the whole thing. She had a crush on you, got obsessive apparently but you’re acting like she was obligated to tell you about it, or that you’re responsible somehow.

 

Her first mistake was telling you about it. The second was telling you she had been depressed and suicidal. She should’ve kept that to herself but, regardless, it’s her thing, not yours. Just chalk it up to her being at an immature point in her life back then and hope she has grown up. I don’t see why you need to let this screw up a long-term friendship.

[d0nnivain]

You are angry at her because she liked you too much? That doesn't make any sense.

 

She knew you didn't feel romantically toward her but she valued your friendship too much to ruin it by burdening you with what she knew was the unrequited love. She acted like a true friend to spare your feelings & now you're mad at her. Why on earth would you stop trusting her? She's still the same good, kind, funny friend you have had for 15 years. She had a crush she didn't handle well but she got over it.

 

Of the mutual friends you have she probably told them in confidence. That is why they didn't tell you. Good news: You don't have gossipy busybody friends.

 

 

Try to be less weirded out by this & do understand it was probably quite difficult for her to confess this to you. Be compassionate as you address this.

[JuneL]

Are you mad that she’s already over you? I suspect you might be developing feelings for her.

[cheeselouise]

I am mad at myself because I had been torturing her without knowing. It is hard for me to get past that I guess. I tried to help her when she was feeling depressed and suicidal those years and I had no idea I was the problem. I feel like a lot of our relationship was a lie because she was nice to me and making me feel better while making herself sad because she have unrequited feelings.

I don't have feelings for her.

[bathtub-row]

I am mad at myself because I had been torturing her without knowing. It is hard for me to get past that I guess. I tried to help her when she was feeling depressed and suicidal those years and I had no idea I was the problem. I feel like a lot of our relationship was a lie because she was nice to me and making me feel better while making herself sad because she have unrequited feelings.

I don't have feelings for her.

 

I think you’re over-noodling this whole thing. I’d suggest that you lighten up.

[Zahara]

I am mad at myself because I had been torturing her without knowing. It is hard for me to get past that I guess. I tried to help her when she was feeling depressed and suicidal those years and I had no idea I was the problem. I feel like a lot of our relationship was a lie because she was nice to me and making me feel better while making herself sad because she have unrequited feelings.

I don't have feelings for her.

 

You didn't torture her. She was responsible for feeling the way she did and the manner in which she chose to manage it. I'm not sure why you're so angry about it because as a friend, I would feel empathy for her. It may have been a difficult choice for her to tell you. She was likely fearful of the consequences and chose to stay quiet to preserve and protect the friendship and the potential of losing you altogether.

 

I'm still not sure why this has stirred such animosity within you. If anything, I'd find compassion for her and much joy that she has moved away from a dark place. Instead of holding strongly onto the perceived negative, try to find the good in all of this.

[cheeselouise]

Thank you all for replying.

 

I have a tendency to blow things out of proportion and make matters worse. I am emotionally immature as well. I don't have many friends and knowing that I hurt one of them so badly makes me mad at myself. I should focus on her feelings more than mine. Thank you!

[d0nnivain]

Were you a good friend to her? Did you return her phone calls? Celebrate the good things in her life? Be there for her in rough times? Say happy birthday & wish her happy holidays throughout the year?

 

If so you did not torture her. She chose your friendship over distancing herself from you. If being around you was "torture" for her she should have walked away. You didn't handcuff her to your side.

 

Just be kind to her now & all will be OK.

[preraph]

I completely understand your anger. Because she concealed her feelings for you for years and she talked to people about it, of course. There is no telling if she actually said or did some things to make other people think you were a couple to block other women or friends from you.

 

One of the best friends and bandmate of one of my bfs wanted to see more of me after I wasn't seeing the friend anymore. I thought nothing of it because we'd all been friends, me and all his bandmates, really, but a couple more than others. I was just glad I wasn't being shut out by them because that's how bands deal with exes sometimes. Then at least a couple of years in of just being friends he tried it.

 

I managed to salvage the relationship, but it made me mad. I felt betrayed and tricked. I felt his ethics weren't good or he wouldn't be going after his friend's ex gf too. He did stop it, but of course I didn't come around as much but we did stay friends and I still know him a little decades later. I wondered how many of our crowd he'd maybe let think we were an item and whether it kept anyone from coming around me for a date. It was an unusually dry period!

 

So I get it. She lied by omission. You probably confided things in her you never would have if you'd known she lurved you and was talking to her friends about it. She may have blocked others from you.

 

I seriously doubt she's totally over you unless she's now into someone else. So expect this to go badly cutting her off. let me know how it went.

[Malin889]

You say time isn’t healing you like you thought...have you been in regular contact with her? Do you hang out with her on a regular basis?

[cheeselouise]

You say time isn’t healing you like you thought...have you been in regular contact with her? Do you hang out with her on a regular basis?

 

After she told me her feelings, I wanted to try and maintain the friendship. That was about a year ago. Since then, I have not talked to her/hung out with her as much, but the times I have it has not been the same. We used to talk every weekend. I figured time would heal the problem.

[Malin889]

You should contact her and tell her how you are feeling, but don’t end the friendship. She did nothing wrong. That must’ve been really hard for her to admit that. Just be open and honest about how you feel, but don’t make her feel bad for anything. Maybe if you both have an open conversation it will bring you closer as friends.

[maxi105]

che..lou...hmmmm...this is a bit of a sad tale to read if im honest with you. you had a friend who struggled with her emotions and tried to keep a friendship with you without letting those emotions encroach on the friendship. then when those feelings got too much for her (as they would do with anyone, male or female when feelings are supressed!!!) when they got too much and she did a real brave thing in telling you, not in the hope that she wanted you to want her (of course if you wanted that she would have been delighted and you could have got together,) but she just wanted to off load what must have been really high pressured thoughts and feelings that were making her probably ill emotionally tough on the inside. but when she turned to you, confided and trusted in you you turned your back and wanted nothing to do with her!

 

 

she came to you as firstly a friend to share her problem with you and was ready to accept that if you don't feel that way then she still wanted to be friends.

 

 

she told you and you seemed to accept that - only now for some reason you feel anger and resentment to her, in which was actually someone being a real friend, someone showing you their complete vunerable TRUE selves in the hope that she could still be a friend and that you would be the friend you said you would be once you found out.

 

 

IT NOT ONLY TAKES ON HELL OF A LOT OF COURAGE TO SHARE EMOTIONAL FEELINGS LIKE THAT, BUT IF THEY ARE SAME SEX IT IS DOUBLE THE ANGST IM SURE. HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK, HOW OTHERS WILL TURN THIER BACKS, WILL THEY GOSSIP, BACKSTAB, BITCH, MOCK OR BULLY ETC...AND ALL THAT WORRY ABOUT A FREIND, NEVER MIND THE REST OF THE OUTSIDE WORLD ONCE THEY FIND OUT.

 

 

I am wondering whether there are issues for you in all of this that you have not really dealt with and in her telling you, were you brought up or are you one of those people that are happy to openly mock or shun gay people?

 

 

I think you are really angry with her because it is forcing you to see another side to you that you don't like in other people or don't like to have so close to your life, but it has been brought to your door by someone you never expected to share that kind of lifestyle away from yours or to ever hold those kind of feelings about.

 

 

you have not spoke to someone in a whole year!!!! that was by the sounds of it a really good friend to you!!!!!!! did she desearve that?! really?

 

 

look, the ball is in your court on this one, and if you are a decent person and someone that wants to stop concerning yourself with your own feelings and emotional self, then put yourself in her shoes.....how would it feel to you if you really needed to talk with someone, were going out of your mind with worry and fear and anxiety and they just up and cut you dead!!!!

 

 

this girl wasn't trying to get it on with you, she simply found herself emotionally unable to be around you without her real feelings coming to the surface...I suspect that she has hated herself in telling you, I suspect she has really been so upset and hurt by your reaction, that is the kind of thing people expect from strangers who mean jack...not a real good friend that they have known for years.

 

 

if you want to mature, if you want to put what clearly has hurt someone very much right...then you need to get back in touch with her and apologise.

 

 

you need to tell her that you were struggling to deal with things, and more importantly, you need to not only offer her an explanation as to why you've treated her so badly, you need to mean it and you also need to address what kind of insecurities that have lead to this clearly deeply frightened and threatened behaviour.

 

 

the worse cases of homophobia and bigotry also come from the same kind of rejection and shunning of people. you need to see the bigger picture for her and others like her in a similar situation where sexuality and anxiety about being private, about feeling ashamed, about not wanting to be targeted or bullied comes from.

 

 

you have a great chance to put things right with this gal. if you want friendship again (and hopefully you will opt for this as she is still the same person whose company you really enjoyed and a person that you cherished), or you can stay small minded and drop her which would be a great shame. BUT EITHER WAY YOU NEED TO GET BACK IN TOUCH WITH HER AND LET HER KNOW WHAT THE SITUATION IS!!!! it isn't fair just to block someone in this way.no one can help who they fall for...have you never fallen for someone who didn't want you? have you never put your feelings out for someone unobtainable...the difference is I guess is that they didn't make you feel dirty, they didn't make you feel bad, small they didn't cut you off for a year and not give a***that you are hurtin!

 

 

I REALLY HATE NO-CONTACT IN MANY CASES...BUT THIS KIND OF BLOCKING SOMEONE OUT OF YOUR LIFE IS SOMETHING THAT CAN DO REAL DAMAGE TO A PERSONS SELF ESTEEM AND SENSE OF SELF WORTH...ITS SOMETHING THAT RUNS REAL DEEP FOR SOME PEOPLE IF THEY ARE SENSITIVE TYPES OR HURT EASY (EVEN MORE IF THEY DONT KNOW WHY they CANT FIX THINGS AND SAY SORRY).

 

 

I guess from her point of view you don't know how lucky you are being able to be with who you want to and for no one to question it, belittle it, mock you, call you names, beat up on you if they don't like the way you are etc....you gotta remember people have lost their lives for fear or from how others have treated them over stuff like this...her telling you was no small thing. and I can imagine that she see's you as a hetrosexual person who will have had no ideas how others may have either treated her or her friends in the past...that kinda stuff can scar folks if it goes badly!!!! its a real deal for some folks and the more it happens the less faith they have in people.

 

 

im sure what you were trying to do at first was admirable...trying to stay friends, but you need to be doing more and by the sounds of it it is not going to happen overnight!

 

 

maybe it might help if you can talk to someone outside your group and confidentially about what you can do to repair this, maybe talk on a private callline to someone that can help you see where you have gone wrong. maybe talk to someone at lbgt helpline?

 

 

maybe it might help you if you can say to her face, look I really would like us to get back to where we were, but the bottom line is I don't like you in that way, can we be friends. she will respect that and from what you say has already seen that it can only be that way for friendship with you now.

 

 

maybe if she is single, maybe go out with her or help her meet someone and it might take the heat of the initial situation and show her that you want to try to put this right.

 

 

at the end of the day this isn't about what society thinks you should do, who you should date, who is acceptable for your religion, who is dissed in comedy sketches who is trendy, which clubs you can go to but secretly disapprove or flirt knowing that you are not gay, or which comedians are accepted as gay or which are not. its about a person who is a friend of anothers ....and should still be if the other one is a bit more mature now!

 

 

had this been a gay guy that confided in you would you be so angered? would you have shunned him and dropped all contact? if the answer is no....then you gotta look at your ethics!!!!!! if the answer is yes...then you need to look at your morality and values!!!!! you gotta learn to treat people as individuals and remember that people have real feelings.

 

 

anger isn't the right emotion you should be looking for here....what you need to try to get back into your life is a little "empathy"!!!!!!

 

 

and have the capability to apologise, because I think you really need to!!!

 

 

there is hope, but whatever you chose to do. you need to talk to her and explain your actions, because they were pretty cruel and thoughtless under the circumstances when you put them in context as to what happened.

 

 

are you angry with the other people that she said knew about this? again, if you are not, then that also tells you that this is really about your feelings and you anger turning against just her!!!!and again I don't think that that is very fair...you said you felt your relationship with her was a lie...well it was....but that is because she feared what is happening now, might actually happen, but believed in you as a person and a friend enough to put her self out there and be vunerable to you in the hope that what she feared would go the way it clearly has gone!!!

 

 

its a bit of a storm in a teacup...but one that has clearly upset and hurt people, so instead of fuelling that anger and breaking all contact, talk and heal. staying in an immature fog that is full of anger and denial has done neither of you any good!

 

 

good luck, even though it doesn't sound as though I am wishing you that...I AM...good luck and sort this out with her. if you are honest and tell her that you are still angry she may understand and you may be able to heal the rift.

 

 

but the reality is, if you could have dealt with this in a more proactive way sooner then I suspect you could have had a month or so of awkwardness and then gone back to where you were a hell of a lot sooner.

 

 

show this gal you are also a decent person and are not the homophobe she feared you might be when she so bravely and worriedly told you about how she felt....whatever you think of her, just remember it took her a lot of courage and sleepless nights of worry and fear to tell you what she did.

 

 

she still respects you and she is still the same person with the same good values...maybe you need to show her that you too also have values that are worth her wanting to be friends with you anymore!

 

 

ok, im done with this one. I hope you guys can sort it. its a very honest one from me im afraid...but from what you've posted, I don't think I could have written any other way about it!. but at the end of the day, im all for trying to do the right thing and for people talking to each other or being honest enough or willing to say sorry if they've screwed up somehow. and for this one you have.

 

 

you'll feel better for talking to her or writing her and getting your feelings out with a sincere apology.

 

 

fingers crossed for ya. maxi.

[Malin889]

Cheese Louise, are you a guy or girl?

Edited September 5, 2018 by Malin889

[cheeselouise]

Since posting this, I have talked to her. It's all good I think. So much of this problem is my mind running crazy per usual.

To those thinking I'm a homophobe...... um I'm not? I don't know how to prove that to you, but my friends definitely know that. I am a bisexual woman myself.

There are issues I have not dealt with and those are my self-esteem and continual fears of abandonment from people. Thinking I had hurt her made me feel like she would leave me so I decided to leave her first I guess. You guys have shown me that this is not her fault. That is still hard for me to accept, but I will come around. I tend to lack compassion when someone makes me feel anxious. I need to grow up for sure. I appreciate the words from you all.

[maxi105]

chee...lou....it is good that you are talking to her, and no. i did not think you were a homophobe, what i didnt like was the not talking to her for a year, that is putting someone ins really awful position menatally and emotionally. it is a pretty cruel thing to resort to and what i was really saying is that that kind of treatment is the sort of thing that mirrors homophobic responses, treatments, bullying and abuse etc...

 

i dont think anyone is asking or expects you to prove that you are not homophobic, however, i stand by everything i wrote, mainly because if anyone reading this is treating someone they know or has treated them in the way you did, then if it makes them think about thier actions or about to an alternative viewpoint then i couldn't ask for more really.

 

i think its deplorable that some folks think its acceptable to treat people in this way, and to have been in their friendship too....it really is beyond my understanding of what a good and true friend is supposed to be. (or even just a good person).

 

i am not suprised actually that you are telling us that you are bi-sexual now, (no, that is not a slur on bi-sexuals before anyone reads that wrong, im just saying i have known scenario's like this from people who were either gay or bi and are / were more than happy to dish the dirt and hypocritical venom on others who are nothing but honest and open but very vunerable in their sexuality and it makes me just feel angry for how the vunerable parties were treated so badly, when the people hurting them themselves are cowards, self centred, cruel and hard emotionally heartless when they should know better, and then change and resort to being the lively, caring, loved people others know and respect them for (when those people in their lives in the work place that they consider on thier level are around).

 

i cant really understand why you of all people after your journey to find your own true sexuality would treat a good long term friend in this ***** awful way!!!!! (only you will know that), but i hope if nothing else comes of this that you have at least communicated your reasons for treating her in this way when as you said earlier she was suicidal!!!! i really hope you have said sorry to your friend as that apology was well overdue. did you think your sexuality and need for friends understanding you wasnt worth giving that same understanding to your friend. how would you have coped if everyone you knew shunned you for a year?!!!!! cut you dead!!!! i just dont think that part of it all has fully registered with you even yet from reading the reply. sorry.

 

you are lucky that this girl wants to talk with you. you are also lucky that she did not harm herself, run away, get depression or attempt her life!

 

im not really sure i buy your whole "my mind's running crazy" explanation of it all....you chose not to talk to someone who was distressed and in need of your friendship and comfort for a whole year!!!!! i dont get how that is some kind of crazy thing that can be dismissed so lightly or easily!!! it just sounds like a convenient excuse and cover for the real emotions and anger and contempt (possibly hatred) you felt towards this girl....it comes over in the post.

 

what did your friends make of a bisexual woman whom they have accepted presumably after her coming out to them at some point!!!!, but who is dishing out thoughtless contempt for someone who is also gay and in need of a friend (who they mistakenly thought they could rely on and trust but who actually abandoned them!!!). what did they say about that...did they know. or is it that they also didnt care and were your friend so went along shallowly with you in hating her!!!!!! i can imagine your friend must have been at such a low point!!!! it just makes me feel so bad for her.

 

if im honest, the quick fix thing you speak of (were all right now i think...) seems just that little bit too quick of a fix for all that went on, you say that you fear abandonment, yet you so easily and thoughtlessly abandoned your old friend...it just doesnt make sense.

 

surely you would be able to talk to, confide in or at least LISTEN to the troubles of someone who has shared something so difficult and private that you yourself would have had a specific understanding of just how difficult it must have been for her to tell you and talk about. she must have feared being mocked, bullied, abandoned, given even more low self esteem ect...because everything you say you feel you denied for your friend....i just dont get that when you say the things you do in parts of the post.not everything im reading comes over in a way that adds up properly. sorry.

 

you also say that you wanted to leave her first before she left you, but you were NOT together like that, so how could she leave you if she wasn't even with you, she told you she liked you and you flew off at her and just slammed a friendship bond and her emotional crisis and chance to talk or apologise or put things right...and you slammed that door in her face.

 

look, my reply is still a bit harsh with you, and that's because i really want you to think deeply about what has gone on. whatever she says and whether she can forgive you just like that isnt the real point in this post for me, its mainly about you really understanding just how deep this thing can be for people and how sometimes you need to look at the bigger issues and deal with them in a way that its not still about your point of veiw, its about working hard to change the behaviours that really hurt others, its about not thinking well if ........forgives me, thats ok, were all done (as that doesn't properly address things, its just letting you off the hook and letting out relief without learning and feeling the pain that leads to real growth to go forward with a clear concious).

 

there are elements in the post and reply together that make me really question what i am reading and what i really think is the whole truth in this...but it doesn't really matter what i think at the end of the day, the real thing is what you will do to change the way youve been in the past, what you will do to make things up properly with this girl, what you will do the next time you are around someone else who behaves the way you once did in and that person is chatting to you or your friend in your company...are you going to laugh it off as them just having a a crazy moment!!! or are you going to challenge it and put them straight about how they are acting?

 

like i said to you, shutting people out can sometimes have real tragic consequences...and i dont think you have even got the measure of just how lucky you are your freind didnt harm herself. and i wonder whether you have given a thought to just how special she is as a person to even bother trying to reach out to you those times when youve made her hate herself and was being shut out and kept in silence from someone she loved, respected, trusted and still feared.

 

she sounds pretty strong and hopefully wont have to have this kind of stuff thrown at her too many times in the future. no one deserves that...whether it is a freind who cant handle their bad attitudes to sexual prefrnces....(i wonder whether part of the problem is that you cannot handle your own sexuality and her fancying you was a threat to how you really want other people to see you (or not see you!!!!) you both must know about the added pressures that can come from jerks out there in the world, be it from a stranger or colleague in the workplace or neighbourhood....

 

i still dont get the bit where you are saying that youre still going to struggle with it not being her fault!!!!! thats the bit you do need to work on as well as i think talk to someone professionally or confidentailly to get over these feelings.

 

you are not only very lucky to have this person in your life as a freind, but you are lucky that they are even still prepared to have or consider you as thier freind anymore!

 

if you are really bisexual and not just saying that to soften the situation from how it looks for you, then i hope for your sake you are never in a situation in the future where someone who really is not frightened to show you how openly homophobic they are decides to treat you to a taste of your own thoughtless, previous bullying behaviours based soley on the grounds that they dont want to like you either.

 

its one thing when things happen to others and you cant get your head around it....or arent really sympathetic, but when that same thing happens back to you and you are made to feel it the same way she must have....it somehow cuts real deep then.and i think you will actually start to understand ...although i doubt you will ever really know, as i cant imagine your freinds not talking with you for a year!!!!!!!!! that is still shocking for me that anyone would treat another person in that way....life is really too too short fand so precious for that kind of bitterness, intenseness and immaturity surely.

 

this is another suprisingly tough reply, i didnt think i would write back in this way, but i am only writing in response to the reply. it still leaves me with a feeling of anxiety and has an uncomfortable part to it.it just leaves me thinking, ah there was a problem and its all fixed now....but it doesn't address all that went on for a years worth of hurting.

 

its like saying you are sorry "but"...it still needs you to really dig deep and put what you have done wrong right, and to acknowledge really how that other person was made to feel.

 

you still need to address these things and i hope you can. if you can, then i really think you guys can go back to being the clearly and dearly good friends you once were. but that means you need to put yourself in a 100% vunerble, honest and sincere and very pro-active way to change your core feelings and treatments of others.

 

unless you are really prepared to do this, you are going to keep dismissing people when things you cant deal with happen, keep denying things when they get too close to the truth and find that people who once cared about you and were prepared to listen to you....will start to question you and drift.

 

saying sorry isn't just about saying it or feeling relief at having someone back in your life now, its about working real hard on yourself, changing things that were toxic, giving back to those people properly, apologising and meaning it, putting yoruself on the line until you can show that person you are close to fixed and they can feel it for themselves to love and trust you again like old times.

 

i still think part of your relief and old beliefs are still in the picture here, and until you can deal with all of the things you know you need to then it will never be me you have to prove anything too. it will be your own conciense and heart. if you cannot mend them, you will go on hurting people and never really know or truly understand why it happens or how it is still part of who you are.

 

but like i said in my first reply to you. change is still possible. but that change really can only come from you. your friend has already been gracious to show you her respect for you and give you her time....even after all you have done....

 

that is one strong and caring, thoughtful friend you have there...so don't abuse that and all that she has gone through. she has shown real courage. so now maybe its time you put yourself out to her to show her your vunrable self and show her that you have courage to change and grow.

 

if its just talk, or reel off online replies of assurance...it means nothing, you have to want to do that the hard and committed way to her and be willing to go to places inside (maybe with therapy) that bring you down, make you feel low and upset in order to feel deeply and heal and recover mentally and emotionally.

 

i think if you open up to someone professional for a short while and you have the real intent to sort yourself out, you can really fly and be the better person for it.

 

good luck with this. it isn't a quick fix. and it isn't probably the answer you were hoping for or the answer i thought i would be writing in reply, but its as honest as i am. your post just sounded too easy and a kind of ah well ....its all good now....and i just find that a bit hard to take for sure from what little you have replied with. you say youv'e talked to her, but there is no mention of an aplology. i can only hope that you have apologiesed at the very least....but even if you have, that is the easy part in all of this. there is i suspect a much much deeper layer to all of this that will need your attention to help heal....(yours.....and hers....)

 

good luck, and sorry if it reads pretty brutally. its sincere and comes from a hope that you CAN really address your emotions and move forward in a way that your own sexuality and other peoples freedom for their sexuality can do to.

 

ok, just keep working on this. if you want to get your sense of self esteem back and a better way of interacting with others emotionally and without fear or negativity or person judgement against them driving your actions or reactions), then you need to work on yourself and keep the channels of truthful communication open with those that care about you and have shown you they will be there for you (and that means no hidden agenda's or want to punish them when you are uncomfortable)...

 

the one thing i can say about this post for sure is that we have not got the whole picture in all of this situation...and i think until you can address that fully with another person, (maybe the girl herself and or a councellor) or whatever, then i dont think you can really truly be free of the feelings you have or in parts; still hold!

 

i have a feeling that what went on has left you feeling quite ashamed and there are other details that you are not saying that lead you to thinking and treating her that way, but i think you have said enough for what you needed to to get your situation across.i just think its a shame that it had to happen like that at all...especially as you are bisexual and should have been more understanding for someone who was in quite a bad way.

 

 

but look. as i said before. if you care about how you have behaved, if you care and are serious to put things properly right again....it can be done. but you've got to be honest and prepared to change and more importantly you need to really learn from this and feel the consequences of those actions.

 

then you can and will move forward with your "old friend":) . TAKE CARE. maxi.