Angel007 Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 I came back about two weeks ago from 8monthsof military training. I hadbrokenup with my ex gf of 3.5years very serious relationship wasl drove 2hours everyotherweektosee her. weeks before leaving becuase I was feeling overwhelmed and depressedwith school andwork felt i needed soenmtime to prioritize Ialso diddnt want tobe a burden for her.She internalized her feelings andbecame cold , She could not look at me in my eyes. I cooked for her the day before I left at my place some pasta, at thetime she told me we would have to start over again and that she needed tobe selfish. Then next morningat 5am she called meandinvited me to reakfast we went and held hands I could see in her eyes she cared for me.I left during basic she wrote to me 4 letters they were sweet and caring but then ceased, time i wrote herbaout 20times she stopped writingin the letters shetold me she cared about me and about how she was doing, i talked to intermittently on the phone. Duringthese8months ioi reflectedon what i rreaaly want and my heart longs for her. I got back from training and her folks stopped by my house to say hi, i payed thema visit and saw her she tried to avoid me and avoided eyecontact withme.I realized at training how much icared for her but until i saw her lastnight did irealize truly beyond a doubt that i just want to be with her becausei i love her completely.I want to tell her how i feel i got butterflies in me when i went otuside to talk to her alone after i convinced her to talk.She seemed sadand like she cared for me,i couldnt articulatemyself as weel as usual but i toldher I want to be with herim sorry about all that happened, we were out ther maybe 35 mins then i went to hug her she seemed rightened as if she thought i was going to kisss her i hugged her and told her i respect her much more than that then,she seemedasif she wanted to hear me say something,she was hesistant to express her feelingbut i saw it allin hereyes shes mad at me still. When I was about to leave i told her that despite all i love her she said dont say it , I told herwith all my heart iloved her shef froze after staring in my eyes for some seconds and stor med off i yelled I still love you.Our relationship before was very close even though we had the strains of an ldr realtionship. Should I writte her a letter to express more accurately how ifeel. I really am willing to put any effort it takes to demostrate her I want to give myself to her and be commmitted completely. Is there any chance of this working out.What can ido to show her how much she means to me , Am I being naive or deluded in thinking that she still loves me,shealwaystended to internalize anger how can i get her to talk openlky about her feelings .Any helporcomments would be greatly appreciated,helps a poor soldierplease, I am happy that I realize hwo much I carefor her Link to post Share on other sites
Zaira Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 You've told her how you feel, so I'm not sure what more you can do. Do you have any idea why she is reacting like she is? Hurt? Another boyfriend? Scared you will leave her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angel007 Posted September 9, 2005 Author Share Posted September 9, 2005 Well from talking to her I know She is still mad at me and hurt, she is the type to internalize feelings, I dont want to be too pushy but it just so happens theseare things we neeed to discuss. She seems as if shestill cares but is angry, Ineedtobetterput my words together I kinda flopped the recent conversation, Maybe Icould write hera carde as to express myself and gather my thoughts more thoroughly. I really am in love with her that is why I am trying to open dialogue, I would like to be able to gain her trust again,but Iguess it is not up to me,anysuggestions.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angel007 Posted September 9, 2005 Author Share Posted September 9, 2005 What doesit mean when a woman says,I just cant do this need to be selfish right now.... Irefusetogive up Isaw in her eyesshe still cares about me deeply... Link to post Share on other sites
heartnsoul Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 Yes, I think a letter would be appropriate. Explain to her why you did what you did. Although you understood why you had to break up with her maybe she didn't. She more than likely internalized it and probably just felt rejected. I don't think you need me to tell you but that's a terrible feeling to have. At this point sending her that letter will allow her to absorb the reality of the situation and why you felt you had to do what you did. Although, (it's quite possible) the pain that was left in the wake of your split may have caused irreparable damage. However, putting your thoughts and feelings down on paper will not only give you (last ditch effort) peace of mind but will allow her to stew on her true feelings for you and whether or not she's willing/able to open herself up to you again. It's definitely worth a shot Wish you much luck! Link to post Share on other sites
heartnsoul Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 What doesit mean when a woman says,I just cant do this need to be selfish right now.... It simply means she was hurt and she's guarding her heart. Link to post Share on other sites
upsetnhurt Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 It simply means that as much as she might care for you at the moment she by all means does not want to be with you.....thus "being selfish" equates to doing what is best for her. Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 What doesit mean when a woman says, I just cant do this need to be selfish right now.... I refuse to give up I saw in her eyesshe still cares about me deeply... Woah...flashback. I got that exact speech 2 years ago. Except for the "need to be selfish right now" which was provided by others. She's still not talking. Buckle up, it's going to be a bumpy ride. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angel007 Posted September 16, 2005 Author Share Posted September 16, 2005 I am thinking how to express what i want to say to her any suggestions, froma female point of view, I care for her but I need to be firm in my writing I really feel this needs tobve done I am tired of living in the past, I really need someclosure even if it means that itis all over. I guess I needto prepareto let go, open my self up to fall in love again.I just feel itwas a mistakeandwe could do better i have had a lot of time to think,and I am sure i want tobe with her... Guarding her heart, could someone with a female perspective explain this to me more thoroughly, I want her to trust me as far as being honest,what we had was genuine I just want someclosure, when I saw her I saw sadness and resentment, she couldmakeeye contact with me,I sense she still loves mebut isscared,if thereis nothing there why hidethat fact.... If there is any hope I am willing to work on it but it takes two to tango...Any h ideas for my letter Link to post Share on other sites
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