Art_Critic Posted September 20, 2018 Share Posted September 20, 2018 So far, no alcohol. I'm not expecting total sobriety forever - that's unrealistic. First off congrats on your new baby... Day by Day or One Day at a Time is a way of life, it is totally realistic.. June 28th, 1987 is my sobriety date and alcohol has not passed my lips since.. none.. day by day I live... An Alcoholic cannot drink like a normal person so giving it up for good and for all is the only way... Baby steps though, but if he goes back to drinking it will be worse the next time around, that's the part of it being a progressive disease... I'm so happy for you and your family... cherish your little baby... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted September 21, 2018 Author Share Posted September 21, 2018 Congrats!!! Well that’s a progress;) Hope you few better soon! How was the birth? Heard home births are less stressful... Yeah now his time and energy will be focused on the new addition to the family:) The birth itself...wow that would be a whole new thread for the Sex subforum. The birth went differently than I expected. Even though I had been present for two others this year, I had it fixed in my mind that this was going to be painful. It was intense, but not what I'd call painful. I had also thought I'd have a midwife there, but as the pregnancy went on I found that our midwife just made me nervous. Since Wife #1 has done this several times, I figured she was competent enough to get me through it. Plus, having my husband cuddle and work on me the entire time made me pretty relaxed. Well....as relaxed as a person can be pushing something the size of a small housecat out of their most sensitive parts I couldn't have done it without my husband. He's incredibly attentive. Plus, his usual insomnia has a benefit - I haven't had to be up for feedings in the middle of the night! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 21, 2018 Share Posted September 21, 2018 I couldn't have done it without my husband. He's incredibly attentive. Plus, his usual insomnia has a benefit - I haven't had to be up for feedings in the middle of the night! when was the last time he had a drink? Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted September 21, 2018 Share Posted September 21, 2018 June 28th, 1987 is my sobriety date and alcohol has not passed my lips since.. none.. day by day I live... I don't want to hi-jack this thread, but I'd like to acknowledge your accomplishment (over 30 years) and say "Great Job!!" (On-line pat on the back) My girlfriend's first husband was an alcoholic and never got it under control. At one point, he stopped drinking for 4 years, but went back to the bottle. Sadly, it was a factor in his early death. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted September 22, 2018 Author Share Posted September 22, 2018 (edited) when was the last time he had a drink? It has been about two weeks now. He's been on medication for his stomach that is not supposed to be taken with alcohol (not that it ever stopped him from following Tylenol with wine). His insomnia is about the same, but unfortunately the melatonin and sleeping pills he takes have the negative effect of making his nightmares very vivid. Last night was rough. We had a long chat in the kitchen at about 2am, and he said that alcohol makes it so that when he sleeps, he doesn't dream nearly as much as with the melatonin. I'm hoping some of this is just due to alcohol withdrawal and will go away with time. I haven't noticed any other signs of withdrawal during the last two weeks. I looked on the web, and have been watching closely. His mood is relatively the same - a little subdued compared to normal, but that's probably due to lack of sleep. And he's always what I'd call "endearingly grouchy" but that's just his manner. Besides, the withdrawal time is supposed to be measured in days, not two weeks or more. Edited September 22, 2018 by major_merrick Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 22, 2018 Share Posted September 22, 2018 Wow, congratulations! Sounds like a terrific birth Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 22, 2018 Share Posted September 22, 2018 It has been about two weeks now. He's been on medication for his stomach that is not supposed to be taken with alcohol (not that it ever stopped him from following Tylenol with wine). His insomnia is about the same, but unfortunately the melatonin and sleeping pills he takes have the negative effect of making his nightmares very vivid. Last night was rough. We had a long chat in the kitchen at about 2am, and he said that alcohol makes it so that when he sleeps, he doesn't dream nearly as much as with the melatonin. I'm hoping some of this is just due to alcohol withdrawal and will go away with time. I haven't noticed any other signs of withdrawal during the last two weeks. I looked on the web, and have been watching closely. His mood is relatively the same - a little subdued compared to normal, but that's probably due to lack of sleep. And he's always what I'd call "endearingly grouchy" but that's just his manner. Besides, the withdrawal time is supposed to be measured in days, not two weeks or more. having had problems with alcohol myself I would advise you to check all over the house for hidden bottles. he may be drinking when you're not around. I used to have bottles of vodka hidden all over just in case. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted September 22, 2018 Author Share Posted September 22, 2018 having had problems with alcohol myself I would advise you to check all over the house for hidden bottles. he may be drinking when you're not around. I used to have bottles of vodka hidden all over just in case. The thought has crossed my mind, but it would not fit his pattern. He's stubborn, not sneaky. If he really wanted to drink, he'd just do it. Our family and our religious community is patriarchal. I'm in no position to give him orders...thus I'm not a threat, and so he has no reason to sneak. Plus, the melatonin that he takes to sleep would be deactivated by alcohol...I consider his recently increased dreams as proof positive that alcohol is not in his system. Another factor...we still have alcohol in the pantry. Lots of it. With seven adults in the house and frequent visitors, it is in our supplies like flour and sugar. Inventoried, tracked, and produced or purchased regularly. He maintains a very organized system, and jokes about every "bean, bullet, and band-aid" being counted. I checked the inventories - a significant reduction in consumption recently. Plus, he is almost never alone. I can't remember the last time he went shopping by himself, or even left the house by himself. The final nail in the "secret drinking" coffin for me is how he likes his drinks - ice, Ice, ICE cold. Except for hot tea or hot chocolate (which he drinks ridiculously hot) he has a very distinct quirk for drinking everything practically frozen. Room temperature liquids disgust him in the extreme. He'll eat almost anything, but he's picky about liquids. I guess I could check some spots just to be sure, but with a huge house, garage, and outbuildings (not to mention the rest of the property), that task is daunting. I'd kind of feel ashamed for doing it, really. I have no actual reason to distrust someone who loves me so much and who has been my close friend all these years. Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted September 22, 2018 Share Posted September 22, 2018 It has been about two weeks now. He's been on medication for his stomach that is not supposed to be taken with alcohol (not that it ever stopped him from following Tylenol with wine). Has he seen a physician? If he has a history of regular alcohol and acetaminophen abuse, he could very well be dealing with liver disease (which often isn't evident until many years later). I commend him for stopping and all but a medical professional should be a part of this. At the least a thorough medical evaluation will give him a clean bill of health, or not, and help you both moving forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 I never hid my drinking until I went public with my issue and tried to quit, then I hid bottles all over the place.. under sinks, behind furnaces, etc etc... When you go public and can't stay off it the only choice you have is to hide it. There is no reason for you to try and find a stash, if he drinks and you figure it out it doesn't really matter.. just know that he may hide it.. I hid a bottle once in the bathroom toilet tank so I could take hit when I went to the bathroom, which was all the time 3 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 .. I hid a bottle once in the bathroom toilet tank so I could take hit when I went to the bathroom, which was all the time that's hardcore man! Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 26, 2018 Share Posted September 26, 2018 I had my full AND empty bottles in my luggage in the garage -because it had a combo lock on it. I was the only one who knew the combo ? My empty bottles went in the trash when the trash truck was picking up the next door neighbors trash - that way no one saw that I was throwing out 7-14 huge empty bottles of vodka every week. I hid cups everywhere no one would look. Under the bed. Behind the tv and in the back of the bathroom cupboard. Had a straw and only vodka - if someone found it I always hoped the would think it was water. We start to try and hide it better... Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted September 26, 2018 Author Share Posted September 26, 2018 Well, all the talk of stashes got me a bit curious...I'm around the house a lot more now that I'm not working. I've done some poking around, getting to know my environment since I've only lived here for 9 months. I'm naturally curious anyways. I've found stashes of stuff, but no alcohol. My husband is quite the squirrel it seems. The biggest find was a hoard of chocolate...it was tough not to help myself, which is probably the reason it is hidden. I gave up sugar and all sorts of other things during pregnancy, which was really hard. We're approaching three weeks of sobriety soon. Now that I'm not pregnant I'd really like a glass of wine, but I don't want to get him started on that. I've noticed that he has been more physically active lately. Part of it is the season...he's busy in the evenings sometimes splitting firewood for winter. Other than that, life just goes on a day at a time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted October 21, 2018 Author Share Posted October 21, 2018 (edited) He made it six weeks without a drink. I didn't even ask him to. But tonight, the booze is back. I'd gotten used to him being sober, not having wine at dinner, etc.. His stomach ulcer healed, he's feeling better. He went to a friend's birthday party tonight, our housemate went along. I stayed home because I just didn't feel like going and staying out late. Anyway, they drank a bit too much. He called me and said that while he hadn't planned on drinking, they both drank and so neither of them should drive. On one hand, I'm glad he's responsible and doesn't drive. He's always been very good about that. We'll pick the car up tomorrow. Thank God for those websites where you can check your blood alcohol content. On the other hand, I'm feeling disappointed. I definitely don't want to whine, or confront, or embarrass him because I don't want him to second-guess giving me a call. I don't want to micro-manage his life, or become "THAT" wife that cramps her husband's style. He doesn't hide stuff from me, and I don't want him to start. Part of me just wants to cry. IDK why this bothers me as much as it does...and the perverse thing about it is that it makes me want to start my old habits to cope with it. Some things change, but some things stay the same I guess. Edited October 21, 2018 by major_merrick Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 21, 2018 Share Posted October 21, 2018 What are those old coping habits you use? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 21, 2018 Share Posted October 21, 2018 IDK why this bothers me as much as it does... IMO, it's because you are a Mom now, having a Husband/ new Father that drinks too much and isn't present because he is drunk isn't exactly something a new Mom would be looking forward too. At least you are figuring out that he can't stop... like the above poster asked.. what coping habits are you speaking about ? Codependency is what seems to be prevalent in your last post, learning how to strip yourself of being codependent on the Alcoholic is where your strength should come from. Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted October 22, 2018 Author Share Posted October 22, 2018 IMO, it's because you are a Mom now, having a Husband/ new Father that drinks too much and isn't present because he is drunk isn't exactly something a new Mom would be looking forward too. At least you are figuring out that he can't stop... like the above poster asked.. what coping habits are you speaking about ? Codependency is what seems to be prevalent in your last post, learning how to strip yourself of being codependent on the Alcoholic is where your strength should come from. I know I'm dependent on him....and he's dependent on me too. We've been inseparable since we were young. I'm definitely aware that becoming a mom has increased my dependence and my needy behavior. I think that's natural, though. The thing is, he's present for us...as others have pointed out he could be called a very high-functioning alcoholic. If anything, it is his job and his community responsibilities that interfere with being home, but that's no surprise. Even after coming home late from the party, he was up early in the morning making food for the kids. He's a very loving, very involved father. That's not the issue. For me, it is the thought that his life might end early. I never imagined a world in which I might outlive him, but now as a mom I'm seeing a much longer future ahead of me. The thought of someday losing him to something preventable scares me so much I panic just thinking about it. I've never told him that because I don't want to worry him or make him think I'm nuts...maybe it is time to express that feeling? To cope with the panic I feel, my brain/body have started to crave the alcohol I used to drink before I got pregnant. I was used to having a glass of wine or two in the evening before bed. I stopped drinking for my baby, and I haven't started again. Worse, the stress makes me crave the drugs I used to take when I was young. I've been clean for several years, I'm a mom now, and I can't go back to pills and needles. Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 MM.. this is just confirming what u thought - i.e. alcoholics can’t stop cold turkey. Especially with 2 in the house, he and the housemate, no way this will go smoothly. There are some medications out there - e.g. Naltrexone. This one would make him insensitive to alcohol (not feeling drunk) so he may stop for good if he complies. Btw high functioning alcoholics IME suggests very high tolerance, which happens when the disease is very far along... Link to post Share on other sites
Artdeco Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 I’d say give him the benefit of the doubt. He hasn’t been drinking for six weeks so he might’ve just slipped at the party because other people were drinking and maybe offered him a drink. After six weeks sober he will probably feel super ****ty and hungover, and maybe that’s the lesson he needs to quit for good. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 You married him knowing he was like this. I’d leave it alone if I were you. When he wants to be fixed, he’ll do something about it. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 He made it six weeks without a drink. most likely he was drinking during that six weeks but you just didn't know about it... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Artdeco Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 most likely he was drinking during that six weeks but you just didn't know about it... True. Could very well be. I didn’t think of that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted October 23, 2018 Author Share Posted October 23, 2018 I’d say give him the benefit of the doubt. He hasn’t been drinking for six weeks so he might’ve just slipped at the party because other people were drinking and maybe offered him a drink. After six weeks sober he will probably feel super ****ty and hungover, and maybe that’s the lesson he needs to quit for good. I kind of thought he'd suffer a bit too...but he was up early and seemed normal. I remember him saying once that he'd never had a hangover in his life...perhaps he's immune to that? I'm hoping he just slipped because everybody else was drinking, but he never said anything about trying to be sober in the first place...just that he had to cut back because of stomach issues. He came home from work way early today. IDK what he ate but he was very, very sick. Some sort of food poisoning perhaps, but I can't figure it out. I kind of doubt alcohol could have no effect the day after drinking, but two days later make you sick...yet stranger things have happened in this world. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 23, 2018 Share Posted October 23, 2018 ... I remember him saying once that he'd never had a hangover in his life...perhaps he's immune to that? all alcoholics say that 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 23, 2018 Share Posted October 23, 2018 all alcoholics say that They sure do, I can say it too.. but I always thought it was because I never gave my body the time to have one before having a drink again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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