Torn728 Posted September 6, 2018 Share Posted September 6, 2018 (edited) Dating bf on and off for 5 years. Reconciled a few months ago and determined to make it work. I invited him to the beach with my adult childrren and sister with her husband. When I first booked the house I was seeing someone else who was going to stay only half the week like my sister. I didn’t think my bf staying the whole week was an issue with my daughter but it became an argument a few weeks before we went. I was hopeful she’d get along with him even though she hadn’t seen him in a long time. I was wrong! My daughter who is 26 brought her bf but he had to leave midweek. She refused to have my bf stay any longer than the next day. She threatened to leave with her bf back to Illinois and finally I said I’d work something out. I asked my bf to leave me 2 days with my adult kids and he did but is very upset. First he tried hard to reach out to my daughter but she doesn’t like him she says. Then he was angry bc he took off the whole week and now has to sit at home a few days. Lastly he wants to live with me soon and now that’s in jeopardy. We love each other but I can’t force her to like him. She says he isn’t good enough for me because he did serve time for a white collar crime over a decade ago but has rebuilt his life. He is loving and caring to me and my son and wants to be with my daughter too. I’m a single parent so my kids are very attached to me. What do I do? Edited September 6, 2018 by Torn728 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 6, 2018 Share Posted September 6, 2018 (edited) I'm sure there is more to this story and that is why your daughter is acting the way she is and if her reasoning is that because you deserve better -- it's probably true because the fact that you both have been on and off for 5 years is indicative of an unhealthy situation. Plus a criminal record. Maybe she sees what you don't see. And if you both have been on and off for 5 years, and you both have just rekindled again, I'm not sure why the rush with moving in. Best would be to see if you both can TRULY establish a foundation together first, with stability and consistency and then take it to the next phase. If you want to date him, then date him but moving in together after a few months of reconciling coupled with the volatility throughout your 5 years together is not wise when you both don't have the ability to sustain longevity. Edited September 6, 2018 by Zahara 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted September 6, 2018 Share Posted September 6, 2018 Zahara is spot on. Did I read that right, you booked the house and your daughter refused to allow your BF to stay any longer than he did? Did you tell her he was going to be a part of this or was it a surprise? I don't get the impression she had no appreciation for him what so ever and you knew that. I can relate with you that I also am very close to my kids from infants to now adults. What I can't relate with is my kids at any age giving me ultimatums, disrespecting or telling me what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Torn728 Posted September 6, 2018 Author Share Posted September 6, 2018 As soon as she knew he was coming she got upset when I told her I invited him for the week since I don’t see her often bc she lives far away. I realized I shouldn’t have invited him for the whole week but thought she would or should accept it if I made time with her alone during the week but she said it wasn’t the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 6, 2018 Share Posted September 6, 2018 Dating bf on and off for 5 years. Reconciled a few months ago and determined to make it work. For your daughter this is just another *on and off*again. Like above poster said being on and off 5 years is indicative of a dysfunctional relationship. Makes me role my eyes when I read things like *we are determined to make it work*, if it's THAT much work to be together then it's not suppose to be. When couples are compatible and have a common goal everything falls into place on their own. Your daughter has seen you suffer enough because of this man. She is saying *enough is enough*, 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 6, 2018 Share Posted September 6, 2018 I'm with Zahara and Gaeta. The description you give of your relationship with him doesn't bode well. A good relationship should basically fall into place - not need to be made to work after 5 years of on and off. My bet is that your daughter genuinely doesn't like him, is tired of the drama and thinks you could do way better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 6, 2018 Share Posted September 6, 2018 My bet is that your daughter genuinely doesn't like him, is tired of the drama and thinks you could do way better. Agreed. And when you add in this wrinkle: When I first booked the house I was seeing someone else who was going to stay only half the week like my sister. Musical partners. Lastly he wants to live with me soon and now that’s in jeopardy. Torn728, after 5 years of drama and fresh off a relationship with someone else, why the hurry? Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted September 6, 2018 Share Posted September 6, 2018 I feel like this poster has posted this story several times under different user names. Still not sure why you are continuing with this guy. There is a reason you have been on and off with him for 5yrs. I believe you said in one of your other threads that he is very financially irresponsible and that's one of the reasons you broke up last time. I suspect that you probably have a lot to do with your daughter's feelings about this guy. How do you talk about him when your relationship is off. Do you put him down and tell her all the awful things about him and then when you get back together with him you want her to just forget all the negative stuff? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 Agree with the other posters. It feels like some important info has been conveniently left out of this story... My gut tells me that your daughter has good reason not to like this guy. If my mother had been on again, off again for five years... with a man who had a criminal background... Well, I wouldn't think that was healthy for her and I don't know that I would support the relationship either. Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 Your daughter sounds like a mature adult who wanted to spend time with her mom. She obviously knows this guy because you were with him in the past, and she knows he's not good enough for you. Listen to your daughter. Why did you plan this trip with one guy, what happened to him (??), and how did this other guy get back into your life suddenly? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 I believe you said in one of your other threads that he is very financially irresponsible and that's one of the reasons you broke up last time. How interesting, and add to that he has a criminal record for fraud. Link to post Share on other sites
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