llits Posted September 6, 2018 Posted September 6, 2018 Alright guys, so to make a long story short, I started talking to a co-worker. We hung out a few times outside of work. She's really fun and awesome to be around. But the more we talked and hung out, the more I was getting some mixed signals that she wanted something more, even though she told me she didn't want a relationship. So this kinda confused me, and in turn, kinda made me start seeing her as more of a romantic interest. I started pulling away and she asked me if I was mad at her. I told her I wasn't and that I was just giving space because I think I'm reading signals wrong. She apologized and told me that she didn't mean to send those signals. I told her it was cool and that I didn't hate her or anything. And that we just wanted different things from each other. I told her I'd see her around the workplace because I needed some time to kinda figure out what to do with these feelings. After about a week or so, I kinda just buried them and I set sights on someone new. However, my co-worker/friend has been awkward with me. Understandable. After an exchange of eye contact and a forced smile from her, I realized that I don't want it to be like this for the remainder of the time that I work with her. So I texted her to remind her that we're cool. She said she thinks we're cool but she doesn't feel like we're friends anymore. So I told her that I do value her friendship and enjoy her company. And now that I know she definitely doesn't want to date me or want anything like that with me, I can move on and do my thing and we can just be friends. Well I never got a response to that. I got a Snapchat later that night, and we made small normal talk for a bit but I was out so I let the conversation die. I saw her at work a couple days later. She didn't even really look at me,even after I walked up to her to look at a schedule, and act cool. No awkwardness on my end. I've been acting the same like nothing happened. So I gotta ask. Why do you guys think she's being so distant now? What can I do to rekindle this friendship? I'd hate to throw this away just because she knows I would date her.
Zahara Posted September 6, 2018 Posted September 6, 2018 Usually when something like that happens, often there's always some level of awkwardness. She's probably nervous to be around/closer to you in fear that she may be leading you on. She may feel that she can't be as comfortable or be herself anymore because you may perceive her interactions as interest. She may be trying to place some boundaries. She may be unsure as to how to act towards you now. I once had a colleague who was interested in me and when we clarified that it was just a friendship, I suddenly became guarded and was very careful in how I interacted with him. Granted he said he was perfectly fine with being friends, it was difficult to turn it around because the dynamic had changed. Focus on your work. Try to keep dating out of the workplace. It's usually disastrous. 1
PRW Posted September 6, 2018 Posted September 6, 2018 Drama, drama, drama, ugh Alright guys, so to make a long story short,It's not very short I started talking to a co-worker. We hung out a few times outside of work. She's really fun and awesome to be around. But the more we talked and hung out, the more I was getting some mixed signals that she wanted something more, even though she told me she didn't want a relationship. So this kinda confused me, and in turn, kinda made me start seeing her as more of a romantic interest. I started pulling away and she asked me if I was mad at her.Sounds like two people that neither really knows what they are doing. I suspect you are both in your early 20's? Late teens? Signals = Interested Mixed Signals = Kinda-Sorta Interested but doesn't know what to do about it. Start seeing as...interest = You were always interested but don't know what to do about it. Giving space = Too scared to admit interest or do anything about it Being cool = Doesn't really mean anything. The rest just sounds like a soap opera with two people who are too inexperienced. You need to both gain some life experience. But I would say that in the end she is not going to want to date you. You response to all of it was too wishy-washy, too Back-and-forth, too confused and indecisive. Women are ultimately attracted to masculinity and decisiveness and your response was to opposite of that. The confusion was probably the worst part of it, and will create the worst impression of you to her. A man who is on his game is never going to be confused by this story. He is going to clearly see that she is interested in him but yet a little unsure of herself. He isn't going to care that she is unsure of herself and will either offer her a date and enjoy it, of if he is not interested would have just ignored the signals as if they never happened and went about his business and not embarrassed her by "calling her on it".
Author llits Posted September 6, 2018 Author Posted September 6, 2018 Yeah I am focusing on work. I usually keep dating out of the workplace. We started out as just friends so I figured we could just go back to that before we told each other we had some sort of feelings for each other. It just sucks cuz when I see her, I get bummed cuz I wanna be able to joke with her and talk like we used to.
PRW Posted September 6, 2018 Posted September 6, 2018 She may be unsure as to how to act towards you now. Focus on your work. Try to keep dating out of the workplace. It's usually disastrous. I agree. Definitely.
Zahara Posted September 6, 2018 Posted September 6, 2018 Yeah I am focusing on work. I usually keep dating out of the workplace. We started out as just friends so I figured we could just go back to that before we told each other we had some sort of feelings for each other. It just sucks cuz when I see her, I get bummed cuz I wanna be able to joke with her and talk like we used to. I don't believe she shared with you that her feelings were mutual, hence the imbalance. I understand that it's difficult to now revert back to what it was but I think it is something you'll just have to accept. In a way, it is likely for the best. It could potentially cause you more pain/confusion in the long run.
PRW Posted September 6, 2018 Posted September 6, 2018 I get bummed cuz I wanna be able to joke with her and talk like we used to. She will mirror how you behave. Be the leader. Joke with her and talk like you used too without "worrying" about what she thinks,...and after a bit she will start to do the same. There is no such thing as "some sorta feelings". You were interested in her and didn't act on it,...then tossed it back at her and embarrassed her. So now things are awkward. Do what I said above,...move forward,...no hand wringing.
Author llits Posted September 6, 2018 Author Posted September 6, 2018 Believe it or not, that was the abridged version. And yeah, we're young. 19 and 22. And I don't really care anymore if she wants to date me or not. I just wanna be able to still be cool with her and just be friends. But I guess since this happened, it will never be how it was.
PRW Posted September 6, 2018 Posted September 6, 2018 Believe it or not, that was the abridged version. And yeah, we're young. 19 and 22. And I don't really care anymore if she wants to date me or not. I just wanna be able to still be cool with her and just be friends. But I guess since this happened, it will never be how it was. I just told you how to make it "how it was",...or at least as close as you may get to it,...which is plenty good enough. Learn from the situation, don't mess it up the same way next time.
preraph Posted September 6, 2018 Posted September 6, 2018 It's always awkward once you find out someone is more interested than you are. You feel like you're walking on eggshells. You're on the right track getting interested on someone else (not at work). Just chill and don't worry too much about it. Take it down to that level she's comfortable with. If you keep worrying about it and insisting to still be friends, that still sounds like romantic interest because it's too intense for friends.
Author llits Posted September 6, 2018 Author Posted September 6, 2018 Well I sent her a couple of snapchats and got no response. And because we already talked about how we can just be friends, I texted her and asked her if she still wants to talk to me, and told her I wanna get back on that level of making fun of each other again. Probably shouldn't have texted her but it's too late for that. If I get no response from that, then I'm just gonna leave her alone and no longer attempt to be friends. 1
PRW Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 If you keep worrying about it and insisting to still be friends, that still sounds like romantic interest because it's too intense for friends. That's the million dollar line right there. If only they could all figure that out.
PRW Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 Well I sent her a couple of snapchats and got no response. And because we already talked about how we can just be friends, I texted her and asked her if she still wants to talk to me, and told her I wanna get back on that level of making fun of each other again. Probably shouldn't have texted her but it's too late for that. If I get no response from that, then I'm just gonna leave her alone and no longer attempt to be friends. Very bad. Knock it off. Drama, drama, drama, drama, drama Men and women are "friends" by virtue of just not being "enemies". Being a drama-filled needy clingy "Friend-Zone-Buddy",...is still being drama-filled needy and clingy. And that will drive her into making you the enemy.
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