goldenson88 Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 Dad is chatting another woman. I saw him one afternoon inside his room talking to a foreign woman in tinder. He’s not just cheating on my mom but to the whole family as well. What should I do? He already has grandkids and it’s very shameful to know someone cheating at his age. What should I do? My mom has been very loyal and faithful to their marriage. Should I tell my siblings about this? Need help! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 I would tell your mom dad is on Tinder. I would also tell him you know & you told mom. The I would stay out of it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 I would tell your mom dad is on Tinder. I would also tell him you know & you told mom. The I would stay out of it. Agreed. Telling your siblings isn't going to help anything. This is between your mom and dad so you need to talk with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 I have a different opinion. I know why you want to tell your siblings, you want their support and the approbation that telling your mom is the right thing to do and you don't want to find yourself alone between them..Yes tell them. Do this as a team, that's what siblings are, a team. In my family when there is a matter with one of our parents (or both of them) we have sibling reunions. Often one sibling will have information the others don't have and it changes the outlook on the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 When you talk to your brothers and sisters you may find out that your mom knows already your dad has a history of cheating. If it's the case then you do nothing, it's between them to manage it. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 I have a different opinion. I know why you want to tell your siblings, you want their support and the approbation that telling your mom is the right thing to do and you don't want to find yourself alone between them..Yes tell them. Do this as a team, that's what siblings are, a team. In my family when there is a matter with one of our parents (or both of them) we have sibling reunions. Often one sibling will have information the others don't have and it changes the outlook on the situation. I get what you are saying and can see where in some situations feedback from siblings can be helpful. Like if it were something to do with my parents health or state of mind I might want to know what my siblings think. When it comes to dealing with very elderly parents then it helpful to discuss issues and decisions with family. But in this situation, where it sounds like both parents are still independent and of sound mind, I'm not sure that sharing this info with other family members is the right thing to do. I'm a grandparent and I have adult sons and if one of my sons found out something like this I would prefer that he tell me first, not everyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 But in this situation, where it sounds like both parents are still independent and of sound mind, I'm not sure that sharing this info with other family members is the right thing to do. I'm a grandparent and I have adult sons and if one of my sons found out something like this I would prefer that he tell me first, not everyone else. Yes I agree it would be embarrassing to have your adult children sharing among themselves something that private. It sounded to me OP was younger, maybe the youngest sibling? Link to post Share on other sites
Artdeco Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 Talk to your dad, if you have to get involved, and only to him. Then let him deal with the rest. Not your business, not your siblings’ business, either. You can tell him that you’d like him to be upfront/honest with your mom, but in the end it’s his marriage. Let him deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 Talk to your dad, if you have to get involved, and only to him. Then let him deal with the rest. Not your business, not your siblings’ business, either. You can tell him that you’d like him to be upfront/honest with your mom, but in the end it’s his marriage. Let him deal with it. Umm... why? So that his dad can hide his cheating (or work towards cheating) better and prepare excuses for his mom? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 Talk to your dad, if you have to get involved, and only to him. Then let him deal with the rest. Not your business, not your siblings’ business, either. You can tell him that you’d like him to be upfront/honest with your mom, but in the end it’s his marriage. Let him deal with it. What if her father doesn't? then what? Then it becomes his little secret and *her* little secret. The father could even manipulate OP's feelings with please don't tell your mother it would hurt her too much Type of bull. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 Umm... why? So that his dad can hide his cheating (or work towards cheating) better and prepare excuses for his mom? I see it as a way for her not to get in the middle of her parents where she does not belong. Being in the middle is rarely a good place to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Artdeco Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 I see it as a way for her not to get in the middle of her parents where she does not belong. Being in the middle is rarely a good place to be. Agreed. Like you stay out of marriage issues if they concern your friends, or other family members. OP can talk to her dad about what he/she has witnessed, and it’s up to him to act accordingly. Maybe they already have a rocky M, and decided to keep the kids out of it, who knows? Or the dad was just doing some “research”.... ...... but seriously.......I’d just talk to the dad. Period. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 What is it going to accomplish to speak to the dad? Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 Tell your dad you know, and tell him your mother has to know so either he tells her within a certain amount of time (a day or two) or you will. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 I would tell your mom dad is on Tinder. I would also tell him you know & you told mom. The I would stay out of it. Agreed. I'd also keep the info to yourself and not gossip with other siblings or family members. goldenson88, there could be an awful lot about the situation you don't know... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Artdeco Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 What is it going to accomplish to speak to the dad? Well, it would give OP the only chance, if he or she is bothered by the fact, to get it off her/his chest, and will give the father a chance to explain himself, and to correct his behavior, and to become aware of the situation, a.k.a. that one of his children knows. I’m sure that’s going to stop him in his tracks immediately, unless the M is already doomed/problematic. For whatever reason. The reasons of which, again, are between the parents and none of the adolescent/adult child’s business. Link to post Share on other sites
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