After a fall out

[mortensorchid]

Here is a general question for others about relationships with others : be it dating, friendship, work, etc. Let's say that you had a falling out with someone, nevermind the details of the situation as everyone and everything is different. I am sorry to say that I have had falling outs with others over the years, who hasn't? I don't think I have had more than the average person, in fact I think I have had less than most. I had a falling out with two women friends years ago because they were jealous of me and wanted to put down my self esteem to make them feel good about themselves, I have had fallings out with men who didn't want to take the relationship in the next direction and have acted very cowardly / emotionally and verbally abusive towards me, then Facebook happened and people lashed out at others with that and misread things and told on others, etc.

 

Now, all of those things have a different set of circumstances and basis, to be sure. I have taken a new stance on things with others if and when they do things like this : I walk away and never speak a word to them ever again. If it's somehow involving Facebook, I block them on top of that. Life is just too short to have such things, and for people to do something so bad are just conversation stoppers and that's that. End of situation.

 

My question is I wonder if and when the other party or parties realize that this has been done (the person has cut them out and will not return) how they feel? Are they happy? DO they feel guilty at all? Because it seems that everyone around me is rather vain and narcistic these days that they think they can do/say whatever they want and it's all going to be excused. I walk around with a stone face, pretending I am not hurt, but inside it did.

[preraph]

I imagine they're annoyed. I've cut off a couple of friends over the years for things I just wasn't going to put up with. But my main advice on disagreements with friends is keep your ethics and boundaries and if there is interaction that affects you adversely that you don't agree with, don't accept it, but do it on a case-by-case basis, rather than letting it build up and then blowing your top. Like say you introduce a new friend to an old friend and she moves in and takes over the old friend and they exclude you, let them both know how unacceptable that is and if they don't change it, exclude them in a like manner, stop taking them to parties or introducing them, etc.

[Redhead14]

Here is a general question for others about relationships with others : be it dating, friendship, work, etc. Let's say that you had a falling out with someone, nevermind the details of the situation as everyone and everything is different. I am sorry to say that I have had falling outs with others over the years, who hasn't? I don't think I have had more than the average person, in fact I think I have had less than most. I had a falling out with two women friends years ago because they were jealous of me and wanted to put down my self esteem to make them feel good about themselves, I have had fallings out with men who didn't want to take the relationship in the next direction and have acted very cowardly / emotionally and verbally abusive towards me, then Facebook happened and people lashed out at others with that and misread things and told on others, etc.

 

Now, all of those things have a different set of circumstances and basis, to be sure. I have taken a new stance on things with others if and when they do things like this : I walk away and never speak a word to them ever again. If it's somehow involving Facebook, I block them on top of that. Life is just too short to have such things, and for people to do something so bad are just conversation stoppers and that's that. End of situation.

 

My question is I wonder if and when the other party or parties realize that this has been done (the person has cut them out and will not return) how they feel? Are they happy? DO they feel guilty at all? I walk around with a stone face, pretending I am not hurt, but inside it did.

 

 

Because it seems that everyone around me is rather vain and narcistic these days that they think they can do/say whatever they want and it's all going to be excused. -- Well, why wouldn't they? The President does it all the time.

 

People like that will never accept accountability or allow themselves to be affected by "retaliation". Their attitude is that they are right and there's "something wrong" with YOU anyway. They certainly aren't hurt. They may be pissed off because they don't have a punching bag anymore. Keep doing what you're doing. Peace is a beautiful thing.

[basil67]

You mentioned dating friendship and work. I will comment on work first - it's extremely unprofessional to never speak again to a coworker where there's been a falling out. At the very least, if you want to keep the respect of management (and your job!) you need to continue to behave towards them in a professional manner.

 

With friends and dating, yes there are times to cut people off. But also remember that there's three sides to every story. Your side, their side and the truth. The two women you mentioned....unless they told you that they were putting you down because they were jealous and to boost their self esteem, then it's just speculation on your part. It could have also been that you were inadvertently saying or doing something that got up their nose. A discussion could actually have been really helpful. I would never walk away from someone I thought was a good friend after a falling out. I'd rather talk about it and see if there could be resolution. Or, if they were part of a mutual group, it's horrible for all concerned if both parties don't try to fix the problem.

 

Of course, if I didn't care about them one way or another, then I wouldn't bother with the discussion and it would obviously be no loss to either of us.

 

Dating is different. Mainly because if it's not going to work out, then you won't keep seeing them anyway. Losing contact is quite normal.

 

Do people feel guilty at all? No they don't. Given that there are two sides to every story, those two women would be just like you - content in the knowledge that you deserved it. Likewise, the guys who the dating didn't work out with....they would also be content in the knowledge they did nothing wrong. The Facebook people? Yes, they are also like you, happy in the knowledge they did nothing wrong.

Edited September 9, 2018 by basil67