Why does sex make things better again? Not for long

[Heavenlyflower9]

Well, several days past and everything seemed to be going good. We even did something freaky....while we were in the basement clearing out some boxes... i just pulled my pants down and asked him to do me. Of course, no turn down! It was fun being sneaky for a little while.

My eyes are soooo red from crying alot! Yesterday he starts **** again. After dinner, he started messing with me, touching my breasts etc. saying we're going to do it. I kinda pushed him away. As we're getting ready for bed he says little remarks like, " You're gonna give me some tonight right?" "I'll let you Ride me buck wild!" I just paused and smiled. Thinking maybe since he worked a long day, he's tired and fall asleep.

Nope! We start talking...and i toldl him i'm sorry i'm just not in the mood. Can we just cuddle? I repeat myself ...i don't know how many times. But it does'nt sink in with him. H says " do you remember what our MC said? Sex plays a major role in marriage" I'm like okay...but i don't need it like you do.There's more to a marriage then sex! I have too much on my mind. He then said i don't recall the exact words.... about the past of how i acted.

I brought his infidelity up... that was a no..no.. i guess. He got pissed! and That he should leave and things are never gonna get better if i'm always thinking about it. I've forgiven him and have put it in the past, but i'll NEVER forget. Years ago, i was'nt able to talk about it so easliy. I want him to know that we can talk about anything! OK! maybe it was wrong to IT bring up. But i was so upset! I just want him to understand me.

Rewind!!: After the A, we moved to another state in with his family. Trying to overcome the past look foward. Dealing with family issues, financial problems etc. it was too much for me. I started seeing a IC and began taking Zoloft. It really helped with deal with every-thing/body around me. Things were looking up for us. That's when we decided to move overseas to start fresh! Now we're here and picking up from where we left off. No more Zoloft though or IC.

He wanted to leave last night. Said he'll drive to the airport right now so he can fly out first thing tomorrow. I did'nt want him to. He does'nt want to be here if i'm not happy with him and constantly think about A.

Back and forth! I love you, don't go! Then you do whatever you want then. I'm sooo confused!!! Don't know what to say anymore..what is right?

I hugged him and apologized for what i said. Wanted him to stay but we needed to be able to talk about us like adults. It was wrong to start an argument over sex first of all, and then bring up some old**** from the past. Need to be strong and get through this. We love each other and have to make it work! THEN.....

We just started kissing etc. and had sex. Why does it seem like after sex everything is okay and hunky dorey again?

This morning he sent me via cellphone a Text msg" i don't want to live life without you *****, i love you". I sent him one saying i felt the same.

What can I do right now? I think once we have our own place, things will be better! In the mean time what else can i do? Sorry for being so long!

__________________

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Just hang in there..... it sometimes takes a while before you finally see it.

[whichwayisup]

Sex isn't the only issue at hand. Seems he really isn't doing much to make you feel at ease and when you give him an inch he wants a foot! He has to not expect so much back.

 

Trust is a problem, and he seems to be using sex as a weapon. That is Bullcrap, "do you remember what our MC said? Sex plays a major role in marriage" he's manipulating you and making you feel guilty...Like shame shame, you're not doing as the MC told us to do... Yuk. By threatening to leave is a complete power trip and a trap at the same time...He knows you will react to it and he did that to make himself feel better, to see how far it will go and to prove your love to him. This stuff should come up in MC as learning to communicate and really listen isn't happening right now.

 

He does'nt want to be here if i'm not happy with him and constantly think about A.

 

I guess maybe in his mind he's forgotten about it. He didn't lose as much as you did. He didn't go through that rollercoaster ride and learn how to trust again from square one. So, you bringing up the A made him feel like s*** and he wasn't ready to handle it. Another issue to bring up in MC.