What does it mean to "love" someone? (romantically)

[Fearless Motivation]

Hello!

 

I have been thinking a lot about this recently. I would like to hear other's people perspective and possibly. hear feedback about my own?

 

Some people say that to love somebody means knowing person for a long time, understanding him upside down, knowing his strengths and weaknesses and based on that, evaluate him as a whole personality and grow love for what you see or not.

 

Personally, I think this is a bunch of balderdash.

 

Sometimes it took me months to start loving someone, sometimes a couple of hours. And it lasted for years until this day. The point in my opinion lies in perceiving quality you hold dear, special and at the same time having positive vibe with that person. If there is no vibe, all you have is admiration, if there are not these special qualities, than you are just a friends of couple at best.

 

let me give you an example:

 

Imagine you meet woman, She is gracious. You have natural affinity to martial arts and you learn she is great at it. She shows you all the qualities great martial artists should have: skill (naturally), discipline, humbleness, grace... And o course, she is very pretty .This is the point where admiration starts. Now, imagine the same person likes you as well. You have nice time together - this is something I cannot really describe by words, but we all know what it means - and suddenly boom, there you are - at first, in love (at least... this might be happening in my case) but later, when the emotions fade, you realize you still hold this person very dear and extraordinary - to you.

 

And this is the point when I start talking about (well... I don't want to be overly pathetic but...) true love. Heh . Such person will leave a huge mark in you and as years will pass, you will simply not forget her and your attitude will not change - unless you decide so (which would be bad decision).

 

The key to this is: it does not matter how many years will pass, your attitude will not change - you will like her as much as you did let's say 10 years ago. (although she might not be that pretty any more but ... we are talking about personality traits, right? ).

 

I had experience when I started to love another woman when we broke up! - after months, or maybe years when I was reflecting about our relationship I realized she had qualities was too young or immature to appreciate or even comprehend back then, but now I find them as extremely important (namely, it was her self giving attitude - I was douche back then and wanted just fun. She was the very opposite. years later, when I grew up, I realized how rare this feature is, and even how much difficult is to get from someone - boom, love for her memory).

 

 

Soo yeah... something like that

 

I would like to hear other's people opinion, so... Thank you

 

Clark S. Kent

Edited September 9, 2018 by Fearless Motivation

[Fearless Motivation]

...no one to talk to...? I was a bit bored today

[alphamale]

"loving" someone means putting someone else's needs before your own

[Fearless Motivation]

"loving" someone means putting someone else's needs before your own

 

I think you should be right but... had this feeling only when I was in love... when not under emotions, this is rather a rational decision... I think we are too broad here, maybe?

[Fearless Motivation]

hmm... I kinda hoped to have a long and thorough discussion about this. I feel this will be very important... :/

[alphamale]

hmm... I kinda hoped to have a long and thorough discussion about this. I feel this will be very important... :/

 

it's Sunday for god's sake. wait until Monday when the site traffic picks up

[todreaminblue]

what alpha wrote i agree with.... love is selfless.....

 

to love someone is to want the very best for them even if that may not be with you..to want them to succeed... to rejoice when they do even if your life sucks without them....to support them....to pray for them with no expectations in return, not to get anything back.....but simply ...because you love them you would die for them....

 

 

one thing i have always believed in....is that true love contains pain.....pain of loss.....its never all butterflies and goofy puppies...its sacrifice......selflessness....and a little sadness.....joined with pure joy at times and add a whole lot of hope......love is complex ...its the only emotion.....that keeps the world truly afloat with hope of having that ...pure love in a lifetime.....to want to give it...because we have all received pure love ....the love of christ...the ultimate selfless love...... now its in us,in our dna to want to give it back to someone. to share what we ourselves have been given....love ...true love...is altruistic.......and spiritual....always.and also...true pure love is eternal.....deb

Edited September 10, 2018 by todreaminblue

[Fearless Motivation]

what alpha wrote i agree with.... love is selfless.....

 

to love someone is to want the very best for them even if that may not be with you..to want them to succeed... to rejoice when they do even if your life sucks without them....to support them....to pray for them with no expectations in return, not to get anything back.....but simply ...because you love them you would die for them....

 

 

one thing i have always believed in....is that true love contains pain.....pain of loss.....its never all butterflies and goofy puppies...its sacrifice......selflessness....and a little sadness.....joined with pure joy at times and add a whole lot of hope......love is complex ...its the only emotion.....that keeps the world truly afloat with hope of having that ...pure love in a lifetime.....to want to give it...because we have all received pure love ....the love of christ...the ultimate selfless love...... now its in us,in our dna to want to give it back to someone. to share what we ourselves have been given....love ...true love...is altruistic.......and spiritual....always.and also...true pure love is eternal.....deb

 

Hello there...

 

hmm...

 

your reply does make sense, but I kinda feel you write it rather from position of being in love, rather from love someone.

 

How about this:

 

Imagine you love someone, but you broke up years ago, it was painful to you and have not seen each other since then. You are long in happy relationship. One day he calls you and tells you... how miserable he is, and you are one of the last people he can turn to. He need you help with something.... don't know, maybe he has some ongoing business, his partner betrayed him and now he needs someone he can trust to manipulate some goods in another town, so he asks you for a week of your time, to be with him and work for him... for free because he is broke, now. It also means you will have to cancel all the plans you had for next week including work, meaning either no income or week less holiday.

 

Would you help him?

 

Additional question:

 

Imagine the same person asks you for helping... his new GF, or wife. would you do again, favor that requires sacrifice even though it means you are virtually helping "your competition"? And in terms of "romantic reward" there certainly will not be any?

[basil67]

Imagine you love someone, but you broke up years ago, it was painful to you and have not seen each other since then. You are long in happy relationship. One day he calls you and tells you... how miserable he is, and you are one of the last people he can turn to. He need you help with something.... don't know, maybe he has some ongoing business, his partner betrayed him and now he needs someone he can trust to manipulate some goods in another town, so he asks you for a week of your time, to be with him and work for him... for free because he is broke, now. It also means you will have to cancel all the plans you had for next week including work, meaning either no income or week less holiday.

 

Would you help him?

 

Additional question:

 

Imagine the same person asks you for helping... his new GF, or wife. would you do again, favor that requires sacrifice even though it means you are virtually helping "your competition"? And in terms of "romantic reward" there certainly will not be any?

 

In the first sentence, you wrote the word "love" in the present tense. I don't love anyone who I broke up with years ago. I also can't imagine anyone having the gall to approach an ex of years ago as being 'the last person to turn to'. So the answers to both questions here are "sorry mate, I can't help you". Even more so if this "manipulating" of goods is something which isn't strictly legal.

 

At best, I would give them some free advice in my area of expertise. Or if it was work, I'd consider doing it at standard rates of pay.

[Fearless Motivation]

In the first sentence, you wrote the word "love" in the present tense. I don't love anyone who I broke up with years ago. I also can't imagine anyone having the gall to approach an ex of years ago as being 'the last person to turn to'. So the answers to both questions here are "sorry mate, I can't help you". Even more so if this "manipulating" of goods is something which isn't strictly legal.

 

At best, I would give them some free advice in my area of expertise. Or if it was work, I'd consider doing it at standard rates of pay.

 

sounds quite cynical. With the last sentence of pay rates, quite like person who just uses people.

[todreaminblue]

Hello there...

 

hmm...

 

your reply does make sense, but I kinda feel you write it rather from position of being in love, rather from love someone.

 

How about this:

 

Imagine you love someone, but you broke up years ago, it was painful to you and have not seen each other since then. You are long in happy relationship. One day he calls you and tells you... how miserable he is, and you are one of the last people he can turn to. He need you help with something.... don't know, maybe he has some ongoing business, his partner betrayed him and now he needs someone he can trust to manipulate some goods in another town, so he asks you for a week of your time, to be with him and work for him... for free because he is broke, now. It also means you will have to cancel all the plans you had for next week including work, meaning either no income or week less holiday.

 

Would you help him?

 

Additional question:

 

Imagine the same person asks you for helping... his new GF, or wife. would you do again, favor that requires sacrifice even though it means you are virtually helping "your competition"? And in terms of "romantic reward" there certainly will not be any?

 

 

no i didnt write what i wrote from a perspective of being in love.....but from a pure love perspective.....loving someone

 

for example my ex....i love him.....but i am not in love with him any more i do not desire to be with him....it took years to lose that in love feeling....i think there's something wrong with me......that i could have still been in love for so long with someone who hurt me so badly....anyhoo

 

if my ex asked me to help him out and he had a gf or a wife....i would still help.....but if the word manipulate came into the conversation ........i wouldnt......my ex would know that,.......and wouldn't ask me to do anything like that.....i dont compete for men......ever...i save my battles for someone who knows they love me and no one else.....i would battle for that guy and battle beside that guy ...but not battle a woman over a guy.....if there is competition...it isnt from my perspective....and not my problem

 

 

i dont know if what you write is in regards to a situation you have at the moment but am curious to know why you wish to understand what others feel about love and what you have written....are you in a position that you described to me.....btw you shouldnt judge basil for her choices its not nice everyone has their own ways ........deb

Edited September 11, 2018 by todreaminblue

[Tailor2000]

Interesting thread.

 

Is there a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone?

 

I mean I love my girlfriend and want the best for her, I frequently put her needs above my own. But am I in love with her? Whatever that might mean, I would say no.

 

It fundamentally doesn't click/spark. But hey that's what "love" is all about right? Persevering through the lack of spark?

[KatCha]

I, at times, like to add my own two cents to the pot here on Loveshack. But, on this subject, I will not include a comment or give out the inner workings of my heart and describe how I feel about my personal affairs involving love, or being in love. I will leave behind a mystery, as to what my response would have been to this particular thread topic, instead.

[todreaminblue]

I, at times, like to add my own two cents to the pot here on Loveshack. But, on this subject, I will not include a comment or give out the inner workings of my heart and describe how I feel about my personal affairs involving love, or being in love. I will leave behind a mystery, as to what my response would have been to this particular thread topic, instead.

 

:0)...ones heart is a deep ocean of secrets (yep deb has watched titanic)...a lovely mystery katcha.....what you wrote was beautiful....just wanted you to know that...sometimes the mystery ...is the answer......deb

[KatCha]

:laugh:

[basil67]

sounds quite cynical. With the last sentence of pay rates, quite like person who just uses people.

 

I reckon I'm one of the least cynical people on the board.

 

I simply don't see how taking a week off for some ex of an aeon ago falls into the category of what you do for 'love'. Wanting someone where there's been minimal contact over the years to take leave from their day job or family and work for free is what I see as using.

 

I pay people who work for me. Or if it's a smaller job, I might barter. I expect the same in return - even from an ex.

 

Would you not pay someone who's working for you?

[KatCha]

Interesting thread.

 

Is there a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone?

 

 

It fundamentally doesn't click/spark. But hey that's what "love" is all about right? Persevering through the lack of spark?

 

 

 

Good point about a difference. I do not believe I have ever experienced love, as you describe it, as no one has ever put my needs above their own very much or at all or even asked if I had any...hmmm...but I have been "in love." Only once, I guess, by the way you describe it as a spark. Long ago.

Hmm...

All those years...I was the only person loving anyone...that sucks...I am glad for this thread though, as stupid as I feel now...

[jjb117]

Personally, Love is as complicated as it gets, but I can break it down into components.

 

For me, love, is one hand - pure empathy. When they are having a bad day, you help them out. Not because you know it is the right thing to do, but because you feel their pain. There’s an undeniable bond that you both share, where your emotions are in tune. Their victories are your victories. Their losses are also your losses.

 

Secondly, similar to empathy, is understanding. You know the functionality of your partner. For example, on the way they deal with conflict. Those who are in love will give their partner space if that is what he/she desires. Or the opposite, and give them a helping hand along the way. Not only do you understand your partner but you compromise components about yourself. Not that you are losing yourself, per say - but you may sacrifice some T.V time to give your partner a call, or expend some extra energy in cleaning the house, running some errands, or coming up a small surprise of flowers. Your actions are predicated on your knowledge of your partner, and you do your best to accommodate to their liking.

 

But love is also familiarity. Which is kind of the messed up thing, but it’s true. We may have grown up with very cold parents, who dismissed our emotions as a kid. So now when someone comes along, and tries to talk about emotions, and is very nurturing, we may be happy with the way they are treating us, but we don’t seem to “love” it. Not that we don’t enjoy other people supporting us, and showing us how much we care, but if that love isn’t similar to the love we got to know as a child, then it doesn’t seem authentic. Seems disingenuous, almost fake.

 

But there are many more thing I could say, but that’s the jist of it

[Noproblem]

Love is an inconvenience.

[KatCha]

Love is patient, love is kind...I am reminded of this right now. I know what love is by this passage and I cannot love and bear a record of all the wrongs or I would be in deep ____ too!

Yes familiar sounds right. My stepdad was...abusive. I never received comfort or regard for my life and the things he did to torment me as a child. And still I loved him like the bible said to honour your father and mother. He even chopped off my pinky finger in a car door when I was two. Had multiple surgeries and am deformed slightly in my right hand. I picked men like him my whole life. Men who physically wanted me at their convenience and discarded me and I covered for them or did anything they asked because subconsciously as a child I had to obey my step dad and I loved my mother to much to hurt her. I got by many years with men not asking much but all it took was that first time someone asked for more than I could legally afford and I snapped and looked for the worst traits I could find in men to feel that familiarity. Now I know. And I steer clear of men especially the one's who make me feel afraid or who want to use me and not date me properly or who use power to gain a response from others. I know how powerful the past can be and how it influences decisions. The more you know...right? Took me so long to figure it out. I didn't want it to be true. I also don't really need to do this anymore either. I've always fixed my own problems and always will. Pity is the last thing I need or help for that matter. I got this. I know what to do and how to work things out for my own self and God always makes them to work for the best. I love myself and my life and that is good enough for me!

Edited September 15, 2018 by KatCha

[Fearless Motivation]

I reckon I'm one of the least cynical people on the board.

 

I simply don't see how taking a week off for some ex of an aeon ago falls into the category of what you do for 'love'. Wanting someone where there's been minimal contact over the years to take leave from their day job or family and work for free is what I see as using.

 

I pay people who work for me. Or if it's a smaller job, I might barter. I expect the same in return - even from an ex.

 

Would you not pay someone who's working for you?

 

Hello,

 

hmm....maybe we have little misunderstanding... or we simply see things differently.

 

Yes, I saw your posts here, you do not resemble cynical or bad person, although this post and the previous one would sound to me... although we just see things in a very different angle, that is all.

 

Ok, thank you for your reply, Basil

[Fearless Motivation]

Personally, Love is as complicated as it gets, but I can break it down into components.

 

For me, love, is one hand - pure empathy. When they are having a bad day, you help them out. Not because you know it is the right thing to do, but because you feel their pain. There’s an undeniable bond that you both share, where your emotions are in tune. Their victories are your victories. Their losses are also your losses.

 

Secondly, similar to empathy, is understanding. You know the functionality of your partner. For example, on the way they deal with conflict. Those who are in love will give their partner space if that is what he/she desires. Or the opposite, and give them a helping hand along the way. Not only do you understand your partner but you compromise components about yourself. Not that you are losing yourself, per say - but you may sacrifice some T.V time to give your partner a call, or expend some extra energy in cleaning the house, running some errands, or coming up a small surprise of flowers. Your actions are predicated on your knowledge of your partner, and you do your best to accommodate to their liking.

 

But love is also familiarity. Which is kind of the messed up thing, but it’s true. We may have grown up with very cold parents, who dismissed our emotions as a kid. So now when someone comes along, and tries to talk about emotions, and is very nurturing, we may be happy with the way they are treating us, but we don’t seem to “love” it. Not that we don’t enjoy other people supporting us, and showing us how much we care, but if that love isn’t similar to the love we got to know as a child, then it doesn’t seem authentic. Seems disingenuous, almost fake.

 

But there are many more thing I could say, but that’s the jist of it

 

HOLY MOLLY!

 

After reading all those different insights I just wanted to close thread with "ok, I see, we all see things differently" and now I read this...

 

Exactly!

 

You put words into what I only felt... your pretty much verbally formed my feelings. Thank you!

 

Yes, please, anything else you have to say - please write it

 

 

As for the last paragraph - yes, I think this is very true indeed... reason why some just nice people repel us and why others attract us even though we can't explain why...

 

 

Thanks!

[Fearless Motivation]

Interesting thread.

 

Is there a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone?

 

I mean I love my girlfriend and want the best for her, I frequently put her needs above my own. But am I in love with her? Whatever that might mean, I would say no.

 

It fundamentally doesn't click/spark. But hey that's what "love" is all about right? Persevering through the lack of spark?

 

well, as for me, I never use "love" easily. If I say it, it means a lot. So loving and being in love are quite similar feelings, but second is an emotion, you don't control it. The first one, you can decide who you perceive as love worthy.

[jjb117]

HOLY MOLLY!

 

After reading all those different insights I just wanted to close thread with "ok, I see, we all see things differently" and now I read this...

 

Exactly!

 

You put words into what I only felt... your pretty much verbally formed my feelings. Thank you!

 

Yes, please, anything else you have to say - please write it

 

 

As for the last paragraph - yes, I think this is very true indeed... reason why some just nice people repel us and why others attract us even though we can't explain why...

 

 

Thanks!

 

Last thing I should say is that love is wanting the best for someone.

 

In my case, like many others here, I was in a relationship, and I do believe I did love her and she loved me.

 

We didn’t work out. We were very different, headed in very different directions in life, and I can only speak for myself but moving on was the hardest thing I have ever done. After all the long nights, long drives, and fighting through all the tears, I found peace. I found acceptance in knowing we weren’t meant to be together. And more importantly, I found happiness.

 

But throughout this whole process, I did not wish her anything but the best in life. Those were my last words at the time, and I still remember it vividly -

 

“I’m not sure if this will be the last time I see you, but always remember I want the best for you. I wish you well in your studies, your mental health, and that you succeed in all facets of life. I hope you find happiness, even if I’m not there to see it.”

 

And a year later, we’ve rekindled a friendship. No bad blood. No love lost.

 

To me, that’s true love. Even after the fire, you both rise above the ashes and still see the beauty in each other.

 

I can’t say you and your ex will be friends, lovers or even anything. I can’t even say she loved you. Only she knows that. But I can say she does remember you. You were a component of her life. Someone special. And the moments you shared together can never be taken away by anybody.

Edited September 17, 2018 by jjb117
Filling in sentences

[Fearless Motivation]

Last thing I should say is that love is wanting the best for someone.

 

In my case, like many others here, I was in a relationship, and I do believe I did love her and she loved me.

 

We didn’t work out. We were very different, headed in very different directions in life, and I can only speak for myself but moving on was the hardest thing I have ever done. After all the long nights, long drives, and fighting through all the tears, I found peace. I found acceptance in knowing we weren’t meant to be together. And more importantly, I found happiness.

 

But throughout this whole process, I did not wish her anything but the best in life. Those were my last words at the time, and I still remember it vividly -

 

“I’m not sure if this will be the last time I see you, but always remember I want the best for you. I wish you well in your studies, your mental health, and that you succeed in all facets of life. I hope you find happiness, even if I’m not there to see it.”

 

And a year later, we’ve rekindled a friendship. No bad blood. No love lost.

 

To me, that’s true love. Even after the fire, you both rise above the ashes and still see the beauty in each other.

 

I can’t say you and your ex will be friends, lovers or even anything. I can’t even say she loved you. Only she knows that. But I can say she does remember you. You were a component of her life. Someone special. And the moments you shared together can never be taken away by anybody.

 

 

Once again, I could not agree more. as if I read my own feelings, just written by someone else. Interesting... is this random or is this real point of love, only you were able to describe? all the other people... I dont know... like what basil said... I just feel very hard to see "love" behind it. Rather "yeah, I feel good with you, but once you disappear from my life you disappear from my mind and kindness"... sounds more like employer-employee relationship than love

 

Anyway, yes. when I was younger I felt something more for several people. at same time I used to be full of fear, anger, resentment... Those negative feelings are long gone, but the only one, what I call love remained. Just does not change over time. Maybe slightly, as my personality develops, changes, so does my feelings.

 

hmm....

 

cool.

I am not really in romantic mood these days, so it is hard to expess my feelings. But one thing I know doe sure this love thingy is leaving a huge mark in me and forms my personality.

 

Hmm...