Cupid's Puppet Posted September 9, 2018 Share Posted September 9, 2018 Somehow I keep meeting guys who talk about marriage and impregnating me on the first date. Is this like a thing now? My most recent relationship the guy talked about making me his wife and us having kids right away. I thought he was bullcrapping until he actually started making plans to relocate... Anyhow, I met a guy at a bar (yeah I know) and I hung out with him yesterday. Within an hour he is talking about us having kids. This is like the 5th guy who has done something like this. I wonder if guys just do this to women who are in their 30s and think that is what we want to hear just so they can have raw sex with us. I have already been burned 3 times. These men typically are impoverished. They can hardly provide for themselves let alone a child. I'm just trying to figure out if this is a dating trend and when did it start? I don't find it cute (okay I used to), until realizing it is crapola. Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted September 9, 2018 Share Posted September 9, 2018 Guys have a difficult time judging when the right time is to talk about children, and yes, lots of chaps are looking for early sex. It could be related to the pool of blokes you are choosing to date from? Maybe try a different social circle? I'm medical and don't know any of my mates who would talk to a girl about children and sex on the first date. I might talk to the lady about her views about sex but that would take some judging of her comfort level. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cupid's Puppet Posted September 9, 2018 Author Share Posted September 9, 2018 Yeah. Unfortunately I don't have a great pool to choose from because my ethnicity is the least dateable based on countless studies and real life experience, and the city I live in has a dry dating scene. I was actually thinking about moving, but my career is so rewarding that I can't seem to make that move. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted September 9, 2018 Share Posted September 9, 2018 Any person who says that kind of thing on a first date is either a complete idiot, has an agenda, or is very desperate (or is all three of those things). Despite your rewarding career, a move would probably be in your best interest. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 9, 2018 Share Posted September 9, 2018 Some how you have to change your dating pool. Try new things & new activities & new places. A general mention that somebody eventually wants marriage & kids is fine. For someone to say they want those things with a specific individual who they barely know is a huge red flag. I'd write somebody off immediately who said that to me because they have no sense, especially if they can barely support themselves, just no. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 9, 2018 Share Posted September 9, 2018 They're most likely desperate and also inexperienced. But for sure, they're irresponsible if they even mean half of it, so run. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted September 9, 2018 Share Posted September 9, 2018 Can you drive a bit outside your city to seek out better dating grounds? Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted September 10, 2018 Share Posted September 10, 2018 I never mention marriage/kids/sex on first dates. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cupid's Puppet Posted September 10, 2018 Author Share Posted September 10, 2018 I don't know what goes on in these guys' head. I think they are partially serious. Maybe it is a cultural thing since 3 of the 5 guys who have done this had similar backgrounds. I don't see myself relocating anytime soon. Like I said, my career is rewarding. It affords me a very nice lifestyle. Unless I can get a somewhat similar salary elsewhere, I am staying put. @Garcon1986 the city would a better dating scene is 3 hours away from me. Maybe I'll devote 2 weekends a month to driving out there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted September 10, 2018 Share Posted September 10, 2018 I wouldn't mind if he was talking about 'him' getting married and having children, but not with me specifically.. eek. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 10, 2018 Share Posted September 10, 2018 They're just trying to say what they think women want to hear - to get laid. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted September 11, 2018 Share Posted September 11, 2018 They're just trying to say what they think women want to hear - to get laid. Epic fail! Link to post Share on other sites
shydad Posted September 11, 2018 Share Posted September 11, 2018 I don't know what goes on in these guys' head. I think they are partially serious. Possibly they are very serious, inexperienced, excited, and bungled their conversation with you. I could easily see myself doing that, and my intentions are honorable. Excessive enthusiasm has a way of diminishing logical thought process. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted September 11, 2018 Share Posted September 11, 2018 i like to know what a guy wants if marriage and kids are talked about on first date then ...its talked about......it doesnt need to be specific to me ....i tell a guy early on im celibate till marriage doesnt make me desperate to say this... nor does it mean i hold a shotgun to a guys head and say you are going to marry me....it means i am waiting for sex until i am married.....in fact it diminishes my dating pool to the deep complex blue waters......its just pure fact...i would want to know if a guy wanted kids his own ...early on....because i cant have any more.....and it would be nice to know so he doesnt waste time with me unless he has no qualms about adoption or fostering..... i feel its a bit harsh to judge a guy whop is probably nervous searching for dinner conversation and making a few untimed statements.....to be honest they wouldnt bother me...because i would just be honest back about having to know a guy pretty well before even contemplating marrying them...deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cupid's Puppet Posted September 12, 2018 Author Share Posted September 12, 2018 So today the same guy asked me what would I do about work if I got pregnant. He wanted to know if I would stay home. I asked him why did he ask me that. He said he was just curious. So weird of a question after knowing me for maybe 2 or 3 days. I would love to have a family, but hard to judge when these guys are sincere with these talks. Like I said, it could just be cultural. For some reason they talk about kids way more than marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 12, 2018 Share Posted September 12, 2018 So today the same guy asked me what would I do about work if I got pregnant. He wanted to know if I would stay home. I asked him why did he ask me that. He said he was just curious. So weird of a question after knowing me for maybe 2 or 3 days. I would love to have a family' date=' but hard to judge when these guys are sincere with these talks. Like I said, it could just be cultural. For some reason they talk about kids way more than marriage.[/quote'] That Q doesn't have a stock answer. It would depend on a lot of factors: * the heath & number of children * the state of your career & your earnings * available cost effective child care etc. Some people think they want a stay at home mom to raise their kids or conversely they think they will go right back to work but the financial reality of both those choices plays a huge impact on the decision. Link to post Share on other sites
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