Ladeeda30 Posted September 10, 2018 Share Posted September 10, 2018 I’ve been married for 27 years. My husband works over the road and over the last few years has slowly checked out emotionally and physically. He only comes home to see me and his children a few days a month if that. I’ve voiced my unhappiness about it. We don’t fight and have a business type relationship at this point. I mentioned divorce because I need intimacy and I am lonely. He provides for us extremely well. He does not want to get divorced. This evening he said if getting a bf or dating would help our marriage than he would be ok with it and he just wants me to be happy. We have a 14 year old and 6 year old. Has anyone have experience in a matter like this and would like to share advice on proceeding carefully? Any advice would be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
MWC BlondeKim Posted September 10, 2018 Share Posted September 10, 2018 Due to my hubby’s and i occupations there has always been a huge gap in how much spare time I have as compared to my husband’s very limited time off. I am a teacher with lots of holidays throughout the year along with the entire summer off. My husband as a corporate worker works long 60 hours a week with minimal true vacation time. He felt very stressed out trying to rush about to spend time with me to keep me happy and to fill his role as a husband. I want to point out my husband and I are very happily married. The successful solution that my husband and I came up with to fill the void lonely spare time without him was to find a male friend that included sex. I can give more details if you like. My husband feels much relief not rushing to find spare time to spend with me. My male friend is my activity partner such as bike riding while enhancing my sexual pleasure he gives to me. This arrangement has improved our marriage and brought hubby and I closer together. So yes Ladeeda there is hope for you finding and having sex with a BF all while staying happily married. BlondeKim 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 10, 2018 Share Posted September 10, 2018 Why do you have to proceed carefully since you already have his permission? Do you mean how do you go about finding a sex partner.? Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted September 10, 2018 Share Posted September 10, 2018 We've had an open relationship/marriage since the beginning, 18 years ago. Not because one of us doesn't have time or interest, but because we both love occasional sexual variety. If we could find the right partners, we're also inclined to polyamory. So, it has worked for us for a long time, but not constantly, and sometimes one of us is active, and the other not. The key is to be careful of each other's feelings and insecurities. Also, some people want to know all the details, and some would rather not know anything at all about what you're doing, or even IF you are. In your situation, the key concern may be how to keep this from your kids. I'll assume you have someone who can take care of them while you are pursuing this - don't bring anyone home if the kids are there. The only other caveat is, if you start developing feelings for a partner, break off with them. Unless your husband is okay with a poly relationship developing, keep this at the FWB level, at most. If you can't maintain such boundaries, then don't pursue this. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted September 10, 2018 Share Posted September 10, 2018 No guy(or a very rare minimum) who actually cares enough will say that to a wife...My guess is he's already with other women and doesn't care if you do the same...He's checked out, as you say.. He doesn't want to divorce because it will cost him too much money probably... I don't know if this really qualifies as an "open marriage"....sounds more like an undeclared divorce to me... TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 10, 2018 Share Posted September 10, 2018 Have you made any progress OP? What are you going to do? Link to post Share on other sites
CardsFan01 Posted September 10, 2018 Share Posted September 10, 2018 No guy(or a very rare minimum) who actually cares enough will say that to a wife...My guess is he's already with other women and doesn't care if you do the same...He's checked out, as you say.. He doesn't want to divorce because it will cost him too much money probably... I don't know if this really qualifies as an "open marriage"....sounds more like an undeclared divorce to me... TFY Unfortunately, I tend to agree with this. Link to post Share on other sites
TheRainbow Posted September 11, 2018 Share Posted September 11, 2018 Don't do this... This sounds like marriage to my husband so much. I cheated repeatedly, and he just took it. Didn't like it but tolerated it because he wanted to be with me so much. Link to post Share on other sites
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